This one goes out to sweet baby Jared who worked hard on the MCAT today

I'm not really sure why I did it. I haven't been in shape to do run like that in almost a year, I had only once ran a distance of this magnitude...but it came to me while I was running. Jared asked me to think about him while he was taking the MCAT. So I decided I would run and think about Jared striving for the goal. I decided that for every mile I ran, Jared would get two points on the MCAT. The run began at 4:40AM and lasted till 7:15AM...and truly was a "labor of love." Whatever...I was freaking dying. I have only once run mileage this far all at the same time. When I was 17 I ran 22 miles straight (upset about a lot of things)--This morning I was also upset about a lot of things, and sometimes you just feel like running. It's a very refreshing thing to run before the sun comes up, to see the sun come up, and to keep running after the sun comes up. I ran 23 miles. Jared, this means you had better have a perfect score on the MCAT plus a bonus point. It really wasn't all that bad, I rather enjoyed it. Especially at first. I felt so relaxed and like an engine stroking...gas efficient....like 39 miles to the gallon or something like that...but about mile 13 I started to feel a little tired...seven miles later I was hitting "the wall" that most people hit in marathons...20 miles. Not only was I hitting it, I was hitting about the same time I had to run up a long incline on Holmes avenue. I thought "just another step" the whole way up that hill, and it just kept going. Poor Jared slaving over an MCAT, having brain cramps and bloating/constipation from stress...me, feeling like a car that's been driven well over 200,000 miles...no air conditioner, balding tires....---I hit the wall. I pushed through for another three miles (basically because I had to...I'd come to far to not hit a PR on distance). I hurt and strove...in the rain, then in the humidity...I just wanted to do something to show that I understood the effort Jared has put into this test. I wanted to run a Marathon...I wouldn't have made it. My ass is out of shape. I am amazed I made it 23 miles. My wheels were falling off. When I was done, I couldn't feel my teeth, and I seeing spots. The blood was leaving my head...I was passing out.

I didn't tell everyone initially about the passing out part. I've told many people today about my running excursion...but I omitted the actuality of the passing out. I was in the shower...I don't know how long I was in there...but it wasn't terribly long...a few minutes....but I don't remember them. I woke up on the floor. The water running on my face. I should have eaten before I did anything else...I didn't really think I was going to pass out. I just remember my legs feeling weak, the next thing I know it's a few minutes later.

I got out and made breakfast. Then went to bed.

A few lessons I learned from today's run:
1. Even when you're out of shape you can still run a long way.
2. If you're going to run 23 miles, even if you're an experienced runner...build up to it before you just go out and do it.
3. Sleep before you attempt it.
4. Make sure your shoes are good enough to run on that far (my feet were killing me by the end).
5. Tell someone you're going..and where you're going (I told the front desk I was going to be gone for a very long time, but I didn't say where I was going to...I should have).
6. If your friend is taking an MCAT, support is best served through thoughts and prayers, not dedicating yourself to running into oblivion...
7. Nick's mom really does work on Clinton avenue.


Anyway guys, don't worry about the passing out thing. I'm fine. I was fine. I just picked the wrong time to run, under the wrong circumstances. But I felt like it was a personal quest to support Jared, and I feel that by running the most I've ever run at one time, I did.

Jared, I'm very proud of you and all the accomplishments you've accumulated over the years. Here's to your PERFECT SCORE.

The Kelly Lamb Birthday Extravaganza!

The conspirating plans of Christopher Edward Weed all came together well Friday night at the ICE PLEX as a good time was had by all and feet were hurting of many....skating for the Lamb. Many people came out in support of the Lamb. Enough that we will call all those in attendance "The Fighting Fearless Lamb Skaters of Tomorrow" (as seen on the carousel of progress). I whussed out cause I was getting a blister but I got a grilled cheese too at the snack bar. MMMM...well, actually it could have been better. Anyway, then we we all packed it up and packed it in...to Tim's Cajun Kitchen. Two shots (Jack) later I was having a good time...Leena and Edward had Crawfish and oysters. I opted for the 12oz ribeye, which was sucky. I was not impressed with their steaks. If only I had a taste for the cajun cuisine they are known for. The Lamb got a special gift with a remote control. I gave her five bucks. HELL YES. Anyway after dinner we all went our seperate ways, Edward and Leena probably back to do some channel flipping with that new remote....Alfred and Bessima back to sleep probably. LAMOs. I went back to LeDeux...yup. I then cleaned my aquarium and stayed up all night. At 4:30AM I decided to go for a run...more to come on that.

And I took a walk to clear my angered mind... (careful this one is vulgar)

But here's all I found....

I went for a walk to clear my mind but all that happened was that I saw more things that made me more angry than I was when I began walking. I started from North II and walked by Morton Hall. On my way by Morton Hall I was lookin at the ground and kicking whatever I could find around....it's then that I saw some trash and thought to myself "why do people litter?'---I made my way to the U.C. , picked up some booklets about registration (just more stupid crap school for me to go to...great). Then I went to take a leak. There were stickers over the doorways that said "protective area" and I thought: What is that supposed to mean? What's so damn protective about it?----never figured that one out. So I go to wash my hands...no paper towels. GREAT. I leave the restroom and walk down the hallway toward the info desk. I get to the lobby of the U.C. and everyone is just sitting around, and there's John Gifford beside the info desk talking with that stupid girl that's gonna end up hurting him again just like before (then I realized my hypocrisy and stopped those thoughts). He looked at me. I looked at him. My dark sunglasses still on. Didn't say a word. Didn't wave (thought about when I saw Mark W. and Mary C. in the mall and didn't wave at them)---then thought about how much I hate that fuckstick John Gifford....I didn't think it was possible but there is a third person I carry in the same regard as Mary and Mark...John. So...I walked down the stairs to the bookstore to buy a few effects. A card, and a bottle of powerade. I leave the U.C. and I'm walking across the parking lot. I pass a 93 Nissan Maxima, Gold in color (Champagne even) with the words "A DZ loves you" written on the back window. I thought to myself as I passed the car and my papers on registration grazed it: Would this bastard ever know if my papers grazed his car? That I was that close to something he owns or loves...just like the other things he "owns" or "loves"---I pass by it in silence to him. He has no idea I'm ever that close to anything of his....---I also thought about pouring my powerade all over his car, then he'd have to wash that crap off his windows. I thought about it for a few seconds, weighed the options...the costs, the rewards, the risks...decided that it wasn't worth it. What if someone saw me, what if someone told him who did it? Do I want an entire Frat trying to kill me? I decided not. I also decided I'd rather drink the powerade later. As I approached the building some ridiculous fuck that always calls me a douchebag behind my back waved at me. I thought to myself: Why is he waving? I wanted to say: You fucking fuck, why are you fucking waving when you fucking hate my guts and call me a douchebag behind my back?---did I? no. These are things I think when walking. These are random things that piss me off. These are things that make me liken myself to Holden Caufield...and it scares me.

and the days ran into each other...

I drove 293 miles this weekend....but where did I go? No where. Huntsville...Decatur...Huntsville...Scottsboro....Huntsville...Scottsboro....Huntsville (plus all the driving in the towns and random etc.) It just all ran together...and seemed to be one giant span of time.

RECAP of the weekend------>>-X-C-->

Friday:

Went out to eat at Pizza Hut with Fahey. Then had some whiskey with her. Not much, just enough to relax. Her and I talked for a couple or three hours just shooting the bull. It was pretty cool. Fahey's a cool girl you know. Fahey went home about 10:45 and then Mader, Cody, and I went out in Mader's truck. We drove to A&M and did some donuts in the gravel parking lot beside the track (the original plan was to see if anyone ever actually drank at the track, because there are always mystery beer caps and bottles, and evidence of drinking but we never see people do it)....of course no one was there...so we did the S-10 olympics. After about 5 minutes of that we got bored and left. I hadn't eat a whole lot earlier so we went to Hooters. I wanted a Steak...but Hooters doesn't have steak. So I got chicken. Cause Hooters does have chicken. Anyway after the meal, we came back to North II and called it a night. About 3AM Lindsey called and I talked at her till 3:45 or so. Sleep...

Saturday:

I got up at 6:50am (which sucked after going to sleep at 3:50) to go run with Brad in Decatur. So we ran, Brad used his new GPS gadget that he has been obsessing over for about a month (even before he got it last week). Then Brad and I went to Chic-fil-a for breakfast...and watched the movie "Sideways" while waiting on Mandy to return from Jazzercise. When the movie was over I hit the road back to Huntsville to get ready for my evening with Lindsey. Lindsey and I hung out a little during the day, and then went out to eat. After our meal we went to the park to talk (because the park is the place to go and talk). There were all these people making out and other people harassing the ducks. We didn't stay very long. After the park we headed to Scottsboro because she wanted to go to church with me the next morning. She stayed up late on my laptop while I tried to freaking sleep.

Sunday:
I woke up at 10:09...Church starts at 11...oh crap...no one woke me up? WTF? So anyway I jet downstairs to the basement and wake Lindsey up (the basement is where we keep the undesirables). We made it to church at 11:03...just in time. I got really annoyed though because Lindsey doesn't know proper church behavior. She just kept poking me and harassing me the whole time (I'm only kidding I loved it.)--But what do the people think? "Godless heathens" ---that's what. Anyway after Church we came back to my parents house and changed. We had lunch, Turkey, dressing, slaw, mashed potatoes, fried okra. Lottie even came. Then my dad hid Easter eggs full of money 0r candy (ranging from 1 dollar to 10 dollars)...we couldn't find two of the eggs (48 in all) the two we couldn't find had 5 dollar bills in them. Dad couldn't remember where he hid them. So there's buried treasure on the goat farm...if anyone is interested. There was a prize for whoever found the most eggs. Out of me, Lindsey, Brian, Brad, Mandy. I found 11....and won...by one egg. Lindsey keeps saying I stole her eggs but she's a liar. I came out of the venture with 14 dollars and one cent. YES! Lindsey and I had a great time just riding around on the golf cart screaming "FUN" and driving wrecklessly through the yard...Rascal Pascal Goldwater, III chasing us the whole way. We got some mad air on one of those jumps I tell you. I'm going to miss her when she leaves. She's so much fun.
After the egg hunt, we all counted our loot and then started eating candy. Lindsey and I went and played with the animals for a while...then packed up and headed back to Huntsville for her to study for her Lab practical. Mader and I started watching "the weatherman." I didn't finish it because I went back to Scottsboro to hang out with Leslie. Leslie and I went bowling, I bowled consistently 120,123....then we pretty much just drove around Scottsboro for a while. I got hungry and we stopped at huddle house. I had two grilled cheese and fries. Then we drove around some more and I went home. Leslie is very much fun sometimes. Especially when she gets aggravated while bowling. Cussin in the family fun center...wow.

Nick Hensley Would Be Proud

Yesterday was an epic battle...an underdog, outmatched, outnumbered with small forces fought off an evil foe...it was much like the Alamo. Of course we lost. Just like the Alamo.

The wind nipped his ears as Simon Lindley stood in the parking lot of the baseball fields at University Park. He and his only love, Ashley were standing in anticipation of more players arriving. Little did they know only five others would show. Seven people was the minimum number of players a team is allowed....any less and there is an automatic forfeit. As I walked up, with five minutes till game time (the third person to arrive) outlook was pretty grim. But soon a studly beast named Ben Balser waltzed on to the pavement accompanied by a determined Christine "Fearless Leader" Sargent. Soon Danielle "Sweet Cheeks" Treadway and Lauren "Crazy Eyes" Miller joined the group. And thus the magnificent seven were formed. By our powers combined we proceeded in the 54 degree overcast weather...there were short bursts of wind, and many feared there would even be rain. Lindley, the ever-calm leader kept the men in line, and Balser kept the ladies two on each arm. We took to the field, fearing the worst and hoping for the best. The first hit was a fly ball to left field. I not having my bearings yet missed the catch barely, as I was not back far enough (I swear it tipped th top of my glove)...the other team flexed it's muscles in the first inning scoring 7 runs. Then it was our turn, three up, three down. We took to the field yet again and proceeded with the game...so on and so forth. Many a splendered catch was made in left field...I was jumping, diving, rolling, sliding, catching...keeping the ball from going past me. Lauren Miller stopped the ball and would throw it on the run. Simon was ever present...shorstopping it....Christine managing second base, with Balser on first, and Ashley on third. We were spread very thin. Inning after inning we held in there, making outs and scoring run after run after run...three in all. Ben Balser knocked one over the fence with his studly swing. "This is how you handle a club" he said as he walked up to the plate. He pointed to the right field fence and let rip his monstrous stroke...devastating the competition that someone so nerdy could also be so athletic and gutsy when it came down to it. Later on, out after out after out between Simon stopping the ball and throwing it to third. We were a cohesive unit. Nick Hensley would have been proud.

The final score was 18-3...oh yeah take that...we so scored on you guys.

Sidenotes:
1. Lauren, you can't run and throw at the same time, your body's kenetics just doesn't want to do it.
2. Danielle, stop worrying about your pants falling down and run to first. A little crack never hurt anyone...it's a lot of crack that will kill.
3. Balser...you are pimp.
4. Simon cold callous...indifferent to the other team's taunts "we want a pitcher not a belly itcher"
5. Chrisitine- keeping it real, never giving up, never giving an inch. It was perhaps the most glorious moment as she scored our first run. Proving we aren't worthless.
6. Ashley making play after play at third, she was spectacular.
7. Many condolences to the Bessima for her poor grandmother. I hope she gets better soon.
8. Nick Hensley would have been proud...Nick Hensley would have stomped his foot and sang a Queen song.
9. BOO TO ALL THE HATERS, BOO TO ALL THE DISBELIEVERS.
10. "Don't hit it to left field!"
11. Good game people.

More Rediculous Ramblings of the Past...

I missed you

I should hold my tongue

I thought you wouldn't be back

I should hold my tongue

You're beautiful to me

I should hold my tongue

But you've been gone so long

I should hold my tongue

Things haven't been so great

I should hold my tongue

Without you near

I should hold my tongue

I think it must be fate

I should hold my tongue

that's brought you back here

I should hold my tongue

You know what I want

I should hold my tongue

You know what everyone else expects

I should hold my tongue

I've explored other prospects

I should hold my tongue

But I always compare them to you

I should hold my tongue

Can we forgive mistakes?

I should hold my tongue

Can I forget heartbreaks?

I should hold my tongue

I'll do whatever it takes

I should hold my tongue

You should really open your heart this time

I should hold my tongue

Don't be scared to give me a try

I should hold my tongue

I opened mine for you

I should hold my tongue

Don't do what they expect

I should hold my tongue

Don't be afraid to close that door

I should hold my tongue

You left it open too often before

I should hold my tongue

Don't slip back into your trance

I should hold my tongue

I'll say a million words to you in only a glance

I should hold my tongue

I'll give you all the treasure a heart can hold

I should hold my tongue

I'll make sure your feet never get cold

I should hold my tongue

You are everything I dreamed

I should hold my tongue

Love is not a movie scene

I should hold my tongue

I'll show you a world of wonder

I should hold my tongue

One that will match the beauty you possess

I should hold my tongue

But you have to surrender

I should hold my tongue

Let your heart guide your mind

I should hold my tongue

Our fingers intertwined

I should hold my tongue

Cast off any guise of fear

I should hold my tongue

Let me take you away from here

I should hold my tongue

Let me hold you up

I should hold my tongue

When you need to be held

I should hold my tongue

Let me watch you fly

I should hold my tongue

when you need to soar

I should hold my tongue

Let me know your heart

I should hold my tongue

Let you know mine more

I should hold my tongue

Don't do what they expect

I should hold my tongue

Turn your back on that door

I should hold my tongue

Don't leave me in neglect

I should hold my tongue

As you've done before

I should hold my tongue

Don't make me miss you again

I should hold my tongue

Be open with me

I should hold my tongue

I want to hold your hand

I should hold my tongue

I also want to set you free

I should hold my tongue

There's an inbetween that's destiny

I should hold my tongue

For me to be with you

I should hold my tongue

And you to be with me

I should hold my tongue

I will bite my lips

I should hold my tongue

I'll have my stupid quips

I should hold my tongue

I am for you

I should hold my tongue

You are for me

I should hold my tongue

I missed you every day

I should hold my tongue

I never said it

I should hold my tongue

But I think you knew anyway

I should hold my tongue

You crossed my mind

I should hold my tongue

Too often to count

I should hold my tongue

You stayed in my heart

I should hold my tongue

No matter how I tried

I should hold my tongue

To make you get out

I should hold my tongue

I said I don't want you back

I should hold my tongue

It's the only lie I ever told you

I should hold my tongue

I don't deserve you

I should hold my tongue

I've only been lucky enough to hold you

I should hold my tongue

When I see you I melt

I should hold my tongue

I think you know it too

I should hold my tongue

Don't do what they expect

I should hold my tongue

don't leave me and forget

I should hold my tongue

That I always showed you respect

I should hold my tongue

Come back to me

I should hold my tongue

Don't walk away

I should hold my tongue

Come here to me

I should hold my tongue

Listen to the things I say

I should hold my tongue

I've got all the time for you

I should hold my tongue

I don't mind taking it slow too

I should hold my tongue

You are all I've wanted

I should hold my tongue

And I've known for so long

I should hold my tongue

Some day I'll write you a song

I should hold my tongue

That will make you never want to leave

I should hold my tongue

You are amazing

I should hold my tongue

You are everything I dreamed

I should hold my tongue

You are yourself

I should hold my tongue

And that's just fine with me

I should hold my tongue

You can tell me what to do

I should hold my tongue

Sometimes I'll argue

I should hold my tongue

Most times I'll just agree

I should hold my tongue

We're not so different

I should hold my tongue

You and me

I should hold my tongue

I'm no pushover now

I should hold my tongue

I hope you know that

I should hold my tongue

When I say something

I should hold my tongue

I mean it

I should hold my tongue

You are so much more

I should hold my tongue

Than so much is to me

And I'll never hold my tongue

More from long ago...

I wrote this in June of 2003 while summering in Scottsboro....

THE CASTAWAY

There are waters with you
I promised I would never swim
But lately I've been regretting it all
And I've been thinking of diving in
So I'll give you a moment
To hold your nose
And then I'll take your hand
We'll walk off this lonely shore
Barefoot on the sand

Don't you know we're swimming now
In a sea of irony
You found what you were looking for
I found it wasn't me
Don't you know I'm drowning now
In sadness and mediocrity
And it seems like such a long long time
Since you drifted away from me

Now the sea is getting rough
And I can't tell up from down
IT's been so long since I've had air
I wonder if there's any to be found
Don't you know I'm drowning now
The waves keep crashing down
And I know I'll love you
As long as I'm alive and you're around
As long as there is you and there is me
But soon I'll be dead and floating
Out here on this sea

I wish that I was somewhere
Far from where I am
I wish that you would save me now
I wish you gave a damn
Don't you know I'm drowning here
I've got nowhere left to go
And I wish you felt I loved you
So much more than you'll ever know
And you were everything I wanted
The only one I'll miss
I've gotten over many things
But I'm never getting over this

The winds are raging now
And the water is so cold
I used to feel so young
But now I just feel old
And it's hard to keep my head up
No air for my lungs to hold
One last gasp for breath?
It'd be hopelessly too bold
Don't you know I'm dying now
The swell's gotten too strong
But at leastI die knowing
Loving you was never wrong

Something from long ago...

I wrote this passage circa November 2003...

Standing there in the drizzling rain among masses of strangers,
I looked to my right and saw one pair of eyes that I recognized.
And I've heard people say that it's odd to recollect the past.
That it’s odd to relive the feelings and memories of yesteryear.
But as the rain began to fall a little faster, the memories came
flooding back, and at that moment none of it seemed like so long
ago. There were fireworks blasting above the castle of the magic
kingdom, and the music of "When You Wish Apon a Star" was playing.
The seconds seemed like hours. I could have stayed suspended in
that eternal slow-motion, locked in her eyes forever. I wanted
nothing more than to go to her and wrap my hands around her waist,
while standing behind her soft body. So close that I could smell
her damp hair and that she could feel my warm breath. I couldn't
take my eyes off of her, but at the same time I realized I had to
look away because I love her, and I promised I wouldn't. It was a
magical moment that I wanted to share with her more than anyone
else in the world. And when the crowd on the puddle filled Main
Street USAwas compelled over a loud speaker by the voice of Walt
Disney to make a wish, I only wished that she felt the same. 
It is moments like that I will never forget. It is moments like
those when I am eternally grateful that tears are hidden by
raindrops.












SIGH *DAMNIT*