A Tribute to All Things Bessima

First of all, I feel it necessary to explain who the Bessima is. The Bessima is my dear friend Ms. Kelsey who is betrothed to my pal Mr. Nick (A.K.A. Alfred). The Bessima hails from Hatton, AL and as of today is 22 years of age. She is small in stature but big in heart. The Bessima loves to cook. She will cook up a storm...I mean anything you could imagine...she probably cook it better than most. She is the belle of the ball. A southern beauty if ever there was one. Once a spectator of a Hatton softball game observed and remarked of the Bessima, "Man who is that vision out there on that field, I must have me a look-see. She run and jump like no other, and her beauty I have never before seen matched." Besides her obvious physical beauty the Bessima has many other fine attributes, such as her ability to call upon rain at any given time with her CHEROKEENESS. She can also predict the pattern of storms (case in point my fourth of july post of 2006). It is a commonly known fact that the Bessima can outwit, outshoot, outcook, outfish, outhunt, out-anything better than just about anyone on this earth. She has unlimited powers of manipulation. Stan Lee once said of The Bessima: "I would make a comic book about her story, if I thought she wouldn't kick my ass over it." The Bessima is an excellent driver as well, though her seat is far forward, let it not fool you, Ricky Bobby said of the Bessima, "We were comin' around that back corner there and I was waitin for my buddy to sling shot me around the Bessima but there was no getting around that little lady in the #207 Strawberry Shortcake/My Little Pony Car." You can catch her tooling around Huntsville in her Alero. I'm gonna finish up now with some Bessima facts.

1. The Bessima is not short, she is merely crouched in anticpation of pouncing on her prey.
2. One time the Bessima wrestled a 6 foot alligator in a 4 square foot elevator. She now has some alligator skin luggage, and shoes to match.
3. The Bessima uses a stepstool only because she doesn't want to make others jealous of her ability to fly.
4. The powers of MANIPULATION that the Bessima possesses are exceedingly more intense than those of the Jedi-mind trick.
5. The Bessima doesn't wait, you wait on the Bessima.
6. The Bessima once killed a predatory deer with nothing but a coke tab, a rubber band, and country-girl initative.
7. If the Bessima were given two eggs, some peanut butter, 5 slices of bread, and a banana, you bet she'd make one hell of a meal...but not for Nick Hensley.
8. One time Bessima instructed an innocent bystander to hold an apple on his head. She then took a bow and arrow and shot the man in the foot. The man cried out, "what did you do that for?" The Bessima said, "Let that be a lesson to the rest of you who don't think I can shoot somebody in the foot just for spite."
9. The Bessima sings like the summer rain on a tin roof.
10. If you were to take a venomous asp and drop it in a vat of Bessima tears, you'd have a dead asp.
11. The Bessima beat the shit out of Little Debbie and then used Sara Lee's face to whipe up the mess.
12. The Bessima makes pound cakes, the ingredients: her fist, your face.