4:35 AM December 27th...

I'm shaking.

I can't decide if it's because I have a lack of sleep, or if I know that in a few hours she'll be getting the flowers I sent her and she loves someone else....but is it really love?

Either way I want to vomit.


I'm working the desk. Everybody say "YAY" for the desk.

Christmas was good. It was a good day. Lots of joy and family, and then out to the Jazz Factory. Jared, Joe, Amanda Carlson, Leslie, and I all jumped in the Jeep and went to Huntsville. Little did I know I wouldn't return to Scottsboro and the bed until 3:40AM...GROSS. I've really got to get out of this no sleeping thing. It's starting to affect me again. I almost can't type right now.

I never know when to just say enough is enough, but I'm pretty sure there's going to be a reckoning soon. She'll go back to him, just like every girl goes back to her ex. Girls do that for some reason. It doesn't matter how great a new person treats them, or how shitty the old person treated them...they just go back....and I don't get it. Girls date assholes....and then they date them again...and again. Do you think he's going to change for you? He won't. He'll learn a couple of new tricks to keep you satisfied but at the end of the day...he's still the same dog. Keep this in mind...especially when the Xbox gets more attention than you...or you get treated like shit...stupid women. Girls are just stupid. I'm this close to being tired of bothering with them.

I literally am nauseated.

This really can't be good for me.

I've made too many mistakes.

New Year's Resolution #1- No more girls that treat me like shit...regardless of how hot they are.
New Year's Resolution #2- No more alcohol, period. No more. That's it. Nada.
New Year's Resolution #3- Stop spending money, just stop. I have everything I need. So I'm stopping now.
New Year's Resolution #4- Don't be such a desperate little bitch.
New Year's Resolution #5- Become an Asshole.
New Year's Resolution #6- Resolve to Resolve to not be an Asshole after a year of being an Asshole.
New Year's Resolution #7- Walk somewhere more important.
New Year's Resolution #8- Graduate and get the hell out of Dodge.


That's it.

Glass Sculpting

And I said
"Look what I have created"
But she stopped me short
She said I was a fool
Now there's broken glass
And I'm barefoot
Backed into a corner
There's no way out
This is really going to hurt
And in this epiphany
I came to know love

I'm sorry I'm such a crappy friend

I'll try and do better.

ooooo wow where was I?

Alrighty, so it's Christmas break and I'm working the desk. For those of you that want to be PC it's "WINTER BREAK" but we're in freaking Alabama so you should be expecting to hear the first thing I said.

So that Pruitt kid got married and that was a blast. Gotta say it's always a lot of fun to be in a wedding and wear a tux all day long. ALWAYS.

But I like my keychain. I really do.

So I'm being pulled in about 4 directions for New Years...I'm about to just say screw it and sit at home with my parents. But we all know I won't do that...

This is the first crazy desk shift I've worked in a while. I mean I'm gonna be here from now until 6am...what's there to do? NOTHING. Who's there to talk to? No one. Do I wanna fight? No, not really. Leslie Gray is coming to Scottsboro tomorrow and I'm excited about it. I saw her in May but I feel like I haven't seen her in 17 years.

Last night I had a good time hanging out with Jared, Joe, and Michelle (Vorce...Y'all)-- THe evening started off with Me and Joe meeting up at Southern Family Markets (formely foodworld) and buying the beers. Jared (who had just driven in from Dallas) went with his mom to eat at Buena Vista...so Joe and I had to think of a way to kill time. We decide to go and eat at McDonalds. As we're leaving the parkinglot this semi-truck nails this little white car. Joe was trying to avoid the accident scene, so he drove through a couple of parking rows...the cops were there and and they didn't even have the lights flashing on top of their cars. One of them stopped Joe and got onto him for driving through the parking lot randomly...Joe was just trying to avoid the accident but hot damn...the cop stopped him anyway and got on him. He let us go but as we were rolling away and Joe was rolling up his window I said "Dick" really loud. ..which could have been a bad thing, but I don't think anyone heard me. So me and Joe proceeded to McDonalds and got our food. I sat down in a booth and didn't notice the toenail on the table. Joe pointed it out and flipped it away with a napkin...at this point I looked down on the floor and noticed a large pile of finger/toenail clippings...GROSS...who freaking cuts their finger/toenails in McDonalds...I mean that's horribly messed up. Anyway Joe and I proceeded with conversation. The idea of Dovers hooking up with Amanda Carlson while he was in town came into play. I vetoed it as Dovers legal council I advised against it as she is too much like his sister for him to even consider dating in any form or fashion. I mean shit. Later on Jared agreed. Anyway, we had a few drinks and talked for a few hours. Then I came home and left Malissa a voicemail which said "Bird...BUR---DUH...BIRD!" I think it freaked her out or something...because she called and woke me up at 8AM.


Tonight was the Wilson side Christmas party...and I've never been more annoyed with a bunch of kids in my life. It was at my parents house but all these babies/toddlers/preschoolers are around now and screaming and running around...getting into all kinds of ridiculous stuff. I mean by the end of it I was just ready to freaking shoot myself. I'm never having children. I'll adopt a preteen or something....just skip that whole infancy/toddler/youngin BS. Anyway...I got this 20 questions game thing in Dirty Santa...I was pleased. I was also #1 which meant I got to go first and last. That's the first time that's ever happened...and most likely will be the last. So, at 10 PM I jumped in the jeep and drove on up to Huntsville to work my hiney off at the desk. No excitement here....


Sidenotes:

1. Found a deer on the front part of the property. It was a doe...had a hole in it's chest about the side of my fist. It was pretty gross. All bloated in the sun...I wanted to poke it with a stick but I decided it was too cold to bother with it so I went back inside.
2. if you pick up a 2 year old...by his ankles and shake him...yogurt comes out.
3. "Nick it's not my fault your sister keeps dropping him on his head"
4. Hey Bessima!
5. I'm still keeping an eye on Kelly's van...but for some reason I really don't think it's going anywhere. Right now it's covered in frost.
6. 5 hours and 35 minutes to go.
7. Not sleeping tonight.
8. that thing couldn't guess that I was thinking of a waffle iron, or of a paperclip, but somehow it guessed right on the raccoon, the ceiling, and cartoons.
9. I wonder if I'll see anyone else tonight besides T-zim.
10. A spoonful weighs a ton.


TAKE IT EASY (Love Nothing) -Bright Eyes

First with your hands
Then with your mouth
Downpour of sweat
Damp Cotton Clouds
I was a fool, you were my friend
We made it happen
You took off your clothes
Left on the light
You stood there so brave
You used to be shy
Each feature improved
Each movement refined
And eyes like the showroom
Now they're spreading out the blankets on the beach
That weatherman's a liar he said it'd be raining
But it's clear and blue as far as I can see

Left of the lamp right next to the bed
On a cartoon cat pad she scratched with a pen
"Everything's just as it's always been
This never happened
Now don't take it bad it's nothing you did
Just once something dies
You can't make it live
You're a beautiful boy
A sweet little kid
But I am a woman"
So I laid back down and wrapped myself up in the sheet
And I must have looked like a ghost cause something frightened me
And since then I'm so good at Vanishing

Now I do as I please and I lie through my teeth
Someone might get hurt but it won't be me
She'll probably feel cheap
But I'll just feel free and a little bit empty
No it isn't so hard to get close to me
They'll be no arguments
We'll always agree
And I'll try to be kind when I ask you to leave
We'll both take it easy
But if you stay too long inside my memory
I'll trap you in a song tied to a melody
And I'll keep you there so you can't bother me

So you want an update well you know...

we all want to change the world


BUT YOU KNOW IT'S GONNA BE

ALRIGHT...


Desperately all of you wish for an update and suddenly all in the same day. Well fine. I'll give you an update. Hell...I don't know what for though, anyone who really knows me knows what's going on in my life at the moment.

I've fallen for this girl and she wants nothing to do with me in that respect, but mixed signals lead me to believe otherwise. I've decided that I don't care anymore. And that I'm not going out of my way to be nice to her either. She comes over all the time and messes up my living room making pancakes and whatever else...and her freaking hair is everywhere. She never sleeps in her room, she lies to me, and she believes it's okay...but you know what it doesn't matter. Today I told her I was going to pursue other options. I told her that because I guess that's what I have to do. I've asked her 40 different times to be my girlfriend and she just doesn't seem to want to come up with the right answer.

Do I have any other options at this point? No. No I don't but I don't really care. It's been a very stressful semester and I'm just rather sick of everything at this point. And the next time she calls...I'm not answering...because she calls at 3AM or 6AM...and that shit is just not cool. Anyway....moving on...

Finals were a horrid experience as usual. I don't really care to discuss them...so I'm not going to.

If there were a phrase for December other than "Happy Holidays" I think it'd be "DAMN, people get out of my way"--people are everywhere and in such a damned hurry. It makes me sick. I mean since when did living life become such a bullshit hassle? I've been so busy lately I haven't been able to enjoy much of anything. I still don't know what to get my father for christmas.

Justin Pruitt got married today. Last night we (the groomsmen) all went out on the town. It was the most mobile I've been around Huntsville in a while. What began at the Jazz Factory went to Molly Till's, then the Kaffe Klatche, then Bobby G's...I was the most sober person at the end of the night...because pretty much I was sober. I had had some whiskey and an alabama slammer at the beginning of the night, but it was gone by about 1:30 or so...so much fun.

Anyway, the wedding was downtown at the First United Methodist Church (huntsville) and the wedding planner was some kinda nazi super bitch. Andrew Hodges kept trying to get me to say things about having "whiskey pockets" in our coats, and "hitting the bottle"--and I did. But I just thought it was funny cause Andrew's always trying to get someone else to say something to get them in trouble. I didn't get in trouble. But the crazy wedding planner nazi would tell us one thing and then expect us to do another and it was just ridiculous. I mean who wants to be accosted for following the directions they were given? I didn't. And neither did Mark, Sean, or Mader...but they said I was "the leader of the ushers" and it made me feel important for a small amount of time. Like I deserve to feel important or something.

GEEZ...

Saw a lot of people today. Stood a long time. Was in the wedding...drank a lot...of grapejuice...rejoiced in the joining of two hearts for all eternity...felt the pain of a love lost at another time, and was rejected by the one hope I did have....now I'm dejected and in my room waiting on my laundry to finish. All in all, I'd say it's been a pretty good day...or not. But I was happy for Justin and Brooke and I think they'll make an excellent couple and I wish them all the happiness and luck in the world.