And the award for the biggest FOOL in the world goes to...

(the envelope please).....

ME...

*total look of shock and dismay on my face*...no really.

So I sent a letter today. An invitation...to this girl I care much for. I dropped the letter in the mailbox. Turned around...went to my room. Got on the facebook and realized what a fool I am. Got back up to go to get the letter back...GONE...WHO KNEW THE MAIL WOULD BE ON TIME...for once....I am a fool and... In about 2 days, she'll know too.

*SIGH*

In about two days...she'll know too. Damn, don't you just feel like an ass. Yes, yes I do. Am I not supposed to have what I want? It serves me right I guess. I drag my feet around...always stumbling over things that don't matter, because I don't want to be that guy. That guy that interupts a relationship...because I've been on the other side of that too many times (once is too many)...no one can really understand what I'm saying right now. I am the only one that knows the real truth to this story.

To feel so much and have no way to let it out...to hold it in...I am damned. I actually said in my letter, "damned if I do...damned if I don't"--I guess it's true. How FUCKING ironic.

After writing all this...I'll wish I hadn't...but I'm going to leave it up. How should I feel? TELL ME what I should do? I am at the end of my rope here.

Am I doomed to always feel too much for those who care not...for those who have no idea that I care...for those that just can't appreciate me...or haven't realized they should?

It is infuriating.

"God it's so painful something that so close is still so far out of reach." -Tom Petty

I'm about to turn 23...yay.

No one even reads this stupid thing.

SO FAR...

This has got to be about the worst day ever...

I went to bed at 2AM last night. I was awakened by a page at 7AM. 203's Shower was leaking/stopped-up/overflowing all over the room. So this being a new building I went to NCRH uno to get a sink plunger for NCRH le deux...I get there and there is no sink plunger to be found...So I have to go to CCRH to get one. I do that, but then the drain isn't clogged anymore. So I go to NCRH uno to get a wet-vac to suck up all the DAMNED water. I carry it over to Le DEUX...and go up to vacuum up the water...on the way up I'm informed that 119's A/C is out. *SIGH*---I asked the roommates of 2o3 if they knew anything about why the shower was full of sand/mud/nasty (which is why it was clogged)--both of them said they thought it was the other one. I hate when things don't add up. So neither one of them know what the heck happened and I'm supposed to suck up all this water. By now I'm pretty steamed. Not at the guys in 203...they're cool...just the situation....and the fact that it took till 9AM to get it resolved because I had to do so much running around to get what I needed to fix it. Anyway, I got it taken care of...and I hope it doesn't happen again...and I'm still curious about what happened to get it that nasty in there. I then went and took care of the A/C in 119...well, I couldn't fix it, but I had it called in to be fixed after I "assessed the situation." ---GAH. All of this before 9AM. Britney owes me so much for taking her stupid duty so she could do her sorority stuff...I mean I better at least get a hug or something...perhaps a cake? lol...ok, it doesn't matter.

Other things adding to the morning from hell...
1. Dude dumpster diving at NCRH uno...sucks I saw him...sucks I had to let Kelly know and call the police.
2. Thinking steadily on things that shouldn't matter now...things like Laura...because her roommate was asking me questions. Damn me for being so helpful. I kinda started talking to the girl about what I thought about how it ended...and I shouldn't have. But I don't discuss that with anyone really...except Mallorie. I still struggle for understanding...and I know it isn't my fault...but I do blame that other guy for constantly being a dividing force between the girl and I. He never had any respect for the relationship...and that is something I can not respect about him.
3. DAMMIT...it's only 9:45...

----BALALALAHHAAALLLAAAA BAMBA

"it gets me real pissed off and it makes me wanna say..."

(a farse)
The other night...Bessima and I went on a date whilst the evil ALFRED worked the desk. Point that finger somewhere else mister. Bessima and I went to Krystals, and then we watched Aqua Teen Hunger FORCE...and poor mr. ALFRED worked the desk. He would never understand the love Bessima and I share. Then after BBQ fest she came over and we embraced each other's sweat soaked bodies. Deal, ALFRED...DEAL. We wanted to go run through the sprinklers...but it was too late...the evil finger of Alfred was nearing...so we had to hide our love away again. Someday Alfred will be gone and Bessima and I will jump rope, hold hands, hug, and watch Aqua Teen in peace. DEAL ALFRED.

hahahahahahahaha (oh how I wish it all were true)

Sidenotes:
1. Water in the Wet-VAC...smells like BEEBO...but not fresh BEEBO...OLD...STALE...NAST...ROTTEN BEEB.
2. I'm thinking seriously of going back to bed.
3. This RA cwap is the same ol stuff just different job title from this summer.
4. I'm in love with your mom and she thinks I'm a star.
5. I wrote three songs the other day...wanna hear them?
6. "If you gots the poison I gots the remedy."
7. I miss home.
8. I got my aquarium back...oh how I missed the fishes...
9. October weddings...are draggin me down.
10. Clare moved to Oregon...I fear I will never see her again.
11.I is for idiot.
12. Shouts to Sam.
13. "These train conversations are passin me by, and I don't have nothin to say. You get what you pay for but I just have no intention of living this way. I need a phone call."
14. I need a drink...whiskey would do...maybe...guess that'll have to wait.
15. I want to be Bob Dylan.
16. I need a haircut.
17. Alfred needs a haircut.
18. The next time someone makes me remotely mad, I'm going to let them know.
19. I have the power!
20. Asa De HUTT
21. Balalalalahahhhaaalllaaaa BAMBA!
22. DEAL.
23. GET.
24. YOUR MOM.
25. "where have you gone Joe DiMaggio? Our nation turns it's lonely eyes to you."
26. Brandon York is my new hero.
27. Ben Thomason is my new friend.
28. WOW...that's a lot of sidenotes.

It's tearin me apart
every-every day
na na na na na na na na na na na
na na na na na na na na na na na

So many days...

So few opportunities to write....

So I've been in the wonderful world of "Rowdy Town" for RA training this entire week. For the most part it's "blah blah blah, don't be an idiot and you'll be okay." ---Ok, I'm only kidding. I could write for 17 years and I would not even come close to describing how much fun and how much information I have been having/taking in this week. I've met some incredible people and made many new friends already. I'm so glad I have this opportunity and that this door has been opened in my life.

Now...on with the funny...

A few things this week have been pretty funny. Everyone is so great to just cut up and have fun...so many things that are funny get overlooked in the midst of all the craziness. Whether it's John Maxon saying "eff the rules," or Thiago simply stating, "Man you SHOULDA KNOWED...YOU SHOULDA KNOWED."--- Something like "1-2-3-4-5-MY NAME'S Britney and I say HI-6-7-8-9-10 back it up and meet my friend..." and multiply that little cheer by 6 and you get LE DEUX. "LE DEUX LE DEUX...L-E- SPACE - D-E-U-X- LE DEUX LE DEUX"--as we affectionately refer to our new building NORTH CAMPUS RESIDENCE HALL TWO...is Chateau Le Deux. Once we hosted dinner and taped everyone together and made them do a "duty round challenge"--it was SICK fun.

I hear Juanita says she isn't going to pay John Gifford for this last week of work. Infact I think I heard her say that she's going to give Daylon a 2 dollar/hour raise--and that she can afford doing so because she isn't paying John.

Mallorie came and visited Tuesday. She got her staples out too. It was so great to see her. I've missed her so so so so so so much. Yeah. She's the best.

Yesterday we went to the WILSON lumber homestead at SMITH LAKE (different Wilsons...not my family yo)--for the RA RETREAT. We were greated by many different types of bugs...as well as a wonderful festering time in the heat. And we all cried and got closer. Yeah, that's right we all cried and got closer despite the adversity of the heat. I skipped many rocks on the lake. So many that my arm is sore from it. But I have a new personal record for rock skipping...8 skips on one throw....I mean come on...that's pretty dang good. Kelsey, Scott, Rebecca, and I trekked back up the perilous hill from the lake...I just wish I hadn't only brought flip flops...that's really my only regret. I missed out on so much fun because I couldn't run/play football, etc. without actual shoes.

The beat goes on.

SIDENOTES:

1. The Asa Challenge was a bad idea. Thanks for the hole in the wall of the BRAND NEW building Jeremy and Reggie. You guys are awesome. Thankyou for taking the fall Ben.
2. 4 groups of 5 RAs with their hands taped together wandering around in the duty round challenge.
3. Awesome concert for a few of the girls on the retreat....mostly originals...yeah you know it.
4. We should come up with a game for training called the "Tynan Challenge"--I don't know what all that would entail...but I bet it'd be pretty dang cool.
5. Kelly Lamb rolls over (we all slept outside on a wooden deck) in her sleep and says to me two things...then does something really funny...check it out:

"What are you gonna do with that?" said at approx. : 3:45AM
"Have you seen my popple?" said at approx. : 4:05AM

then at 5:05AM she rolls over and puts her head on my shoulder and just goes "mmmmmhhhmmmm" -how cute.

6. "f the rules"
7. "Well, I pay the bill." - R.B.
8. "I can bench 300LBS." -J.K.
9. Bessima almost stepped on a copperhead. I ain't never seen no cherokee native do a dance like that one. It was a kinda hop/jump/shriek--brought tear drops to my eyes.
10. The burning finger of Alfred Nick "you gonna eat that I'm a scavenger" Hensley---pointed right at my face...oh the burn I felt.
11. Bessima and I held hands...eat that finger.
12. Brandon York and Mark Ullom helping clean the new building...thanks guys, y'all are awesome.
13. Ashley Campbell and I doing Karioke to Ben Folds songs..."You can't fool me I saw you when you came out..."
14. Rebecca Lane Hobby Blount gave me three servings of Lasagna...and I was like..."wow, I can't believe I ate the whole thing."--only except I didn't.
15. Haven't had a coke/soda since July 20th...oh how I don't miss it at all.
16. What's goin on Reah Lee? Where'd ya go?
17. Yes, they made me sing "Man I feel like a Woman" at Karioke...and I loved every minute of it.
18. Le Deux!

The word on the street was bullet...

but the only thing that comedian...I mean magician caught with his teeth was a "lethal projectile" what? Oh, I mean it was a paintball. NO EFFING WAY...you cannot catch a paintball in your teeth...it would have burst.

So I went to the magic show with Nick, Kelsey, that Erin Smith girl, Thiago, Ashley Plier, Stephanie, John, Ted D. Ray, (and some other fellows that came with John). It was very entertaining, but a word to the wise. If you ever go to a magic show, don't try to figure it out. Just take it for what it is, otherwise you're disappointed because you realize the lameness of it all.

I don't want to be.

So, I am working the desk again. I'm seriously thinking of taking up my soul again. It's a mont blanc monogramed pen. No matter how much I write I never get it all out. I wish I had a mont blanc monogramed pen. I'll just have to settle for my pilot precise V5 rolling ball. It's crazy but it gets the job done.

So, um the other night I made a trip to Hatton, AL with Alfred and Bessima to get Bessima's cousin. Well, not get..."kidnap" ---Her name is Erin and she's a fun girl...I think. Maybe. She's gotta be, "She's of the Bessima lineage." Anyway, we didn't get back till 2AM, and Kelsey ended up forgetting her purse in Erin's room. Way to go captain forgetful. I played guitar for Alfred, Bessima, and Erin after the magic show...but I didn't really play any of my songs. Mostly just covers. And bad covers at that. I mean it was the suckiest suckfest I've played in a very long long time...at least the amount of time since I last picked up the guitar.

So, John Ellis Gifford III experienced Hulk-like anger when he found out about his check yesterday. But he took it well considering...I mean he didn't bust through any walls or anything, hell, I don't even know if he broke anything. But he could bust through walls...I'm telling you that boy is strong like oxen. And I mean OXEN as in plural, cause just one ox wouldn't do in describing the strength of JEG III.

You give to me weed eater, rectify situation.

Time for some side notes

Side Notes:
- Erin: It really smells bad in this hallway.
Everyone Else: Oh man, this isn't even a bad day. Sometimes it's so nasty in this hall you can't even breathe.
-I was asked a few very direct questions in the car:
"So Matt, do you drink?"
"You ever smoked pot?"
"Do you do drugs?"
"Are you a christian?"
"Are there any significant ladies in your life at the moment?"

My answers:
"yeah, all the time. No, not a whole lot. "
"Never. I pass on grass."
"I maintain a strict drug-free policy."
"I'm Catholic. Does that count?"
"there are many significant ladies in my life. Are any of them more than a friend? No.
But there is always my mama."


- "So you can drink and everything and be cool with God?"
-I think I seen you in here before.
-"Wah wah wah...I bought an unessessary 350 dollar purchase but I'm complaining about 50 bucks" at least that's what I heard last night. Girls...gah.
-Stinky wants Dirty's number. Dirty obliged Stinky with the number.
-Jungle of Mold in 304...WOW.
-I bet Kelly Lamb is excited about Penguin March!
-I saw Leslie Gray on MTV, and on CNN. Congrats on being on Jackass and Larry King Live in the same NIGHT!
-I broke down and sent an email.
-Alfred steps on kittens.
-Mader cant live without waffles.
-Bessima is still burnt.
-I'll kill you. -Nick Hensley
-Erin, no...don't go out in the sun!
-'I shoulda knowed.'



you don't know
how you move me
deconstruct me
and consume me
I'm all used up
I'm out of luck
I am star struck
Something in your eyes
that is keeping my hope alive
sick of myself when I look at you
something is beautiful and true
world that took me in the blind
it's hard to even want to try
I'm beginning to think
maybe you don't know

I'll take a leap and
leave room to be you
choice to leave you
or I'll throw away
A chance at greatness
Just to make this
dream come into play
I don't know if I'll find a way
something in your eyes
that is keeping my hope alive
sick of myself when I look at you
something is beautiful and true
world that took me in the blind
it's hard to even want to try
and I'm beginning to think
maybe you don't know

I'm beginning to think
maybe you don't know

-Matthew Sweet (Sick of Myself)




Give me a reason to go one more mile
I've got a million behind me already
You give purpose to this fire
You make this dying ember burn

Fish Sticks at Nick's...place

So an interesting few days it has been since I have last blogged it. I guess...there's not a whole lot to write about. Uh uh uh...yeah. I started running again. And I'm sore. I wonder how long I can STAY sore...cause it's been 4 days now...and I've been sore for 3 of them. And to think I said I'd take it easy...shame on me for not listening to myself.

I'm going to run a marathon. I don't know how much it will hurt, I've never done it before. I guess that's why I'm gonna try to do it. It's one of the only things I feel there's left to try to accomplish, so there's my motivation. That and I effin want my respect back. Stop disrespecting me you haters. Ok, I'm only kidding. I'm not aware of any haters...except for JEG III (that's john ellis gifford III, not Joy Elizabeth Griffith) Joy once told me I should be careful when I throw initials around...cause sometimes the wrong people get offended. And I wouldn't want to offend the wrong person...only the person I intend to offend. JEG III is a hater in the worst sense, a low down dirty shame of a hater...and what's worse he threw his old bass at me. And that BASS like the fish, not bass like the instrument. I'm only kidding. I guess JEG III is alright...for now.

I've been thinking alot today. I thought about your mommy.

So, I'm a few days from moving into NCRH le deux...and I'll be starting RA training on Sunday. Juanita says it's new doors and new opportunities and new people to meet. So, I guess that's a good thing. I wonder if you ever reach a point where you know as many people as you can know and that's all...I mean what would that be...something like the whole population of the earth? There's no way someone short of Jesus could remember all those people...well, maybe someone with autism could do it. I bet ...yeah....

Kurt is at ALFRED NICK "You gonna eat that?" Hensley's window. Alfred is also known as "The Scavenger." He ain't afraid to ask ya...and if you say yes and that he can eat that food you'd better not get any of your limbs or digits in the way...cause that mouth starts moving like a buzz saw and those teeth start grindin like a goat chewin the cud of the grass...yeah you know it.

I'm afraid you're never going to talk to me again.

I miss Mallorie. I called her last night, but she was in the shower. I had a short conversation with the mother Newberry. Anyway, life keeps living...growin older more into a man...I had a fine beard...but I shaved it about an hour and a half ago. Go figure...I decided it was time for a change...again. That's the beautiful thing about facial hair...you shave it and almost immediately...there's more to replace it...or wait...that's a bad thing.

I went to Point Mallard yesterday with the rest of the CAs and Juanita, minus John and Mal, for obvious reasons on Mal's part but not so much on John's. I just hope he isn't pissed when he realizes he didn't get paid to not go to point mallard...well, I think he's gonna be like the hulk when he finds out about that...yeah. I don't know why he didn't go, but he was awfully excited about his new bass...and rightly so I guess. I'm no bass enthusiast but I think it's a pretty nice pice of low note equipment. Here's a little known fact, Mallorie plays the bass....she just hasn't in a long time. Let me tell you a little more about this trip to point mallard.

-Bessima got burned
- "I feel like a perve." - Thiago
-when you're in a wave pool with about 5000 other people...it's a bad thing when you get a mouthful of water...GROSS.
- "that ain't proper." -Thiago
- "Do you see all the hickies on her neck?" - Thiago
- Juanita got teary at lunch...at McDonalds badababahbah....I'm lovin it.
-Daylon learned to swim/float/sink...well, not really sink...he could stand if he wanted...but it was pretty cool.
- I got in trouble for climbing the ladder on the high dive before Thiago had jumped. I had no idea I was doing anything wrong.
-Nothing like an Alanis Morrisette song while Daylon spits water in your face. "You've already won me over..inspite of me..." GROSS. But the Daylon saliva is so awesome...ask Bessima.


OK, some other things.

I'm not putting up with crap anymore. Officially, my putting up with anyone's crap days are over. Like it or lump it. I don't care.

I've been dog sitting the Sully. He's such a pain in the ass sometimes. Last night he walked all over me...complete disregard for those who are sleeping. The dog has no manners. Shame on him, his mother should have taught him better. I decline to comment on my parental status of the Sully dog. So get this, I have the alarm set for 7:30, so of course at 6:30...Sully's got to go outside. IT FIGURES.

I watched, "Guess Who" featuring the comic stylings of Bernie Mac and Ashton Kraptcher, I mean Kutcher...anyway, it sucked. Don't rent it.

Sidenotes:

Due to the unusually large amount of confusion about sidenotes today, there will be no sidenotes.