About my 70th Trip to the Center for Sight
I'm so tired of going to these checkups for them to tell me that everything is coming along great and my eyes are doing great, and then to tell me to continue to use eyedrops. It isn't even really the appointments and the time with the doctor that annoys me. I get very annoyed at the waiting...and sometimes I even get annoyed at the people that are around me while I'm waiting.
Anyway, there's a waiting room, then you go back and do tests that take like 4 minutes...then you are stuck in another waiting room with a big open ceiling and dividers that are about head high when you sit down. There's also a big screen TV that's ALWAYS on CNN...which is okay, until you've sat there for longer than 30 minutes and you're tired of the corporate news beating you over the head. Today I was particularly annoyed at a 20 minute segment of Larry King Live about Star Jones leaving the view. Like I care anything about Star Jones. DAMN. There were a few things I found very annoying on top of the CNN deal.
In the first waiting area...fat girl in less clothing than she should be in...clutching a bag of SONIC (it is 9:30 in the morning and she's got a ROUTE 44 of something)....we're going to give her the name "Edwina"
Edwina's father seems to have a cold...and I don't mean like the kind where you've just got the sniffles...I'm talking BARRELCHESTED COUGHING UP A LUNG got a cold. And he isn't covering his mouth.
In the second waiting area, Edwina and father were moved back before me but I got the pleasure of sharing this room with them too...and not only them but this (probably 55 but looked 70) lady...she'd done some hard livin. She's got age marks all over her skin, legs, arms, face, and she sounds like she smokes 4 or 5 cartons a day. We'll call her "Chimneylips"
So Edwina's father gets called back, and Edwina and Chimneylips strike up a conversation about of all the billion damn things it could be....BEING TAN. WTF? It was just disgusting.
About the time Edwina and Chimneylips shut up, a middle aged man and woman walk back, they seem like they are dating, and surely aren't married because she starts talking about "Tile or linoleum in her house?" And he's like "tile, totally tile"---but he's the one waiting on the doctor, and he goes back...before me. So middleaged lady is reading a magazine and looks up at me and I can tell she's kinda checkin me out. It was grossly flattering.
But then this guy on the other end of the damn waiting room starts clipping his fingernails...and it's really quiet but all you hear is "CLICK...pause....CLICK...pause" now keep that going for about 20 minutes...and I'm about to go insane. And I say outloud, not looking up from my magazine (sports illustrated) "Sir I don't think it's socially acceptable to clip your nails in public" (dude looked up and said "who said that" but it was obvious cause I'm the only other guy in the waiting room). I didn't reply....I didn't even look up from the magazine. He was so gross and old. We'll call him GRIZZLECLIP. So GRIZZLECLIP looks back down at his hands and decides they're done...so he bends over and starts taking off his shoes. He's going for the toenails. Imagine the grossness I felt when I saw his disgusting old feet and crummy toenails. But the toenails and fingernails are flying everywhere...and he doesn't bother to pick them up. And later on, some were on him and he just brushed them off in the floor. Damn I was annoyed and grossed out.
Finally, after 45 minutes of waiting I am called back. I am with the doctor no longer than 5 minutes. The time it takes to wait, and the time spent with the doctor...somehow it just doesn't equate for me. And as I'm leaving I am thinking..."how much of my short life have I spent waiting on stupid fucks?"--I don't know...but I'm sick of it. Then another question came to mind...how much of my life have I spent waiting period. I've repeatedly waited for girls that sometimes care a lot for me, but most times care nothing for me at all. So what's the point. I'm through waiting. I'm not waiting anymore. I am instituting a no waiting policy. I'm done with drama too. I'm just I'm done. To all you drama queens out there, you're done. It's over. Deal. Move on. just...just deal. And part of dealing is shutting up about it. No, I don't care about the last boy that hurt you, I don't care about the one that's hurting you now, and I don't care about the one that's going to hurt you when you don't choose to be with me...because it's vicious...and it's a downward spiral of stupidity and frailty. AND WE ARE ALL FRAIL...so just deal. I am hardened...cold, callous now. There's not a lot that a girl could say that would surprise me..."and did you hear about this? Can you believe he did that?"--yeah, I was thinking of doing the same thing...10 minutes ago...
Damn. I need a drink.
Anyway, there's a waiting room, then you go back and do tests that take like 4 minutes...then you are stuck in another waiting room with a big open ceiling and dividers that are about head high when you sit down. There's also a big screen TV that's ALWAYS on CNN...which is okay, until you've sat there for longer than 30 minutes and you're tired of the corporate news beating you over the head. Today I was particularly annoyed at a 20 minute segment of Larry King Live about Star Jones leaving the view. Like I care anything about Star Jones. DAMN. There were a few things I found very annoying on top of the CNN deal.
In the first waiting area...fat girl in less clothing than she should be in...clutching a bag of SONIC (it is 9:30 in the morning and she's got a ROUTE 44 of something)....we're going to give her the name "Edwina"
Edwina's father seems to have a cold...and I don't mean like the kind where you've just got the sniffles...I'm talking BARRELCHESTED COUGHING UP A LUNG got a cold. And he isn't covering his mouth.
In the second waiting area, Edwina and father were moved back before me but I got the pleasure of sharing this room with them too...and not only them but this (probably 55 but looked 70) lady...she'd done some hard livin. She's got age marks all over her skin, legs, arms, face, and she sounds like she smokes 4 or 5 cartons a day. We'll call her "Chimneylips"
So Edwina's father gets called back, and Edwina and Chimneylips strike up a conversation about of all the billion damn things it could be....BEING TAN. WTF? It was just disgusting.
About the time Edwina and Chimneylips shut up, a middle aged man and woman walk back, they seem like they are dating, and surely aren't married because she starts talking about "Tile or linoleum in her house?" And he's like "tile, totally tile"---but he's the one waiting on the doctor, and he goes back...before me. So middleaged lady is reading a magazine and looks up at me and I can tell she's kinda checkin me out. It was grossly flattering.
But then this guy on the other end of the damn waiting room starts clipping his fingernails...and it's really quiet but all you hear is "CLICK...pause....CLICK...pause" now keep that going for about 20 minutes...and I'm about to go insane. And I say outloud, not looking up from my magazine (sports illustrated) "Sir I don't think it's socially acceptable to clip your nails in public" (dude looked up and said "who said that" but it was obvious cause I'm the only other guy in the waiting room). I didn't reply....I didn't even look up from the magazine. He was so gross and old. We'll call him GRIZZLECLIP. So GRIZZLECLIP looks back down at his hands and decides they're done...so he bends over and starts taking off his shoes. He's going for the toenails. Imagine the grossness I felt when I saw his disgusting old feet and crummy toenails. But the toenails and fingernails are flying everywhere...and he doesn't bother to pick them up. And later on, some were on him and he just brushed them off in the floor. Damn I was annoyed and grossed out.
Finally, after 45 minutes of waiting I am called back. I am with the doctor no longer than 5 minutes. The time it takes to wait, and the time spent with the doctor...somehow it just doesn't equate for me. And as I'm leaving I am thinking..."how much of my short life have I spent waiting on stupid fucks?"--I don't know...but I'm sick of it. Then another question came to mind...how much of my life have I spent waiting period. I've repeatedly waited for girls that sometimes care a lot for me, but most times care nothing for me at all. So what's the point. I'm through waiting. I'm not waiting anymore. I am instituting a no waiting policy. I'm done with drama too. I'm just I'm done. To all you drama queens out there, you're done. It's over. Deal. Move on. just...just deal. And part of dealing is shutting up about it. No, I don't care about the last boy that hurt you, I don't care about the one that's hurting you now, and I don't care about the one that's going to hurt you when you don't choose to be with me...because it's vicious...and it's a downward spiral of stupidity and frailty. AND WE ARE ALL FRAIL...so just deal. I am hardened...cold, callous now. There's not a lot that a girl could say that would surprise me..."and did you hear about this? Can you believe he did that?"--yeah, I was thinking of doing the same thing...10 minutes ago...
Damn. I need a drink.
posted by Hew Tyler | 3:08 PM
2 Comments:
you are frickin' hilarious, and i love your storytelling! i heart you, man!
There's a very logical explanation for the reason you have to wait so long to see the doctor. It's a weedout process. We figure that if you can sit through 20-30 minutes of a crowded room with gross people and be totally out of your comfort zone, then you must really be sick. If you ain't sick enough to sacrifice time with the sick people that seem to come out of the woodworks of society, then you are not sick enough to see the doctor. In fact, you can probably self-treat at Wal-Mart. Oh yeah, and watch your beeb...you never know when you oil is gonna need to be checked.
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