Trying so hard to be strong...
It only gets to me when I'm awake...ok, sometimes when I sleep too. I'm trying so hard to be strong and not talk to Laura...and it's silly...I want to talk to her, but the one person I want to talk to I can't allow myself to talk to.
But I offer this advice to anyone who believes they are in love. Never tell anyone. Don't let it out. I don't care if you're dying to tell the whole world and you think it's going to eat your insides out and make your brain fry, and heart burst...you better keep it in. Express it in any other way than actually saying it. Do not write it. Do not use sign language to say it....just let the other person know you appreciate them in other ways...lest they freak out and leave (which seems to be a developing pattern in my life).
Don't it always seem to go
That you don't know what you got
Till it's gone...
So...I went to see Malissa today. We went to wal-mart. Yes, we went to wal-mart. I purchased many things...and these things have changed my life. No. Not at all. I am the same person. I think my hair suits my mood more though. I don't know. Sometimes I want to create someone other than myself. An alter ego. And not a truck driver named Duke. I think I'll start going by my middle name...or maybe a derrivative of my first name...and not MATT. I just want to forget Matt. He keeps getting left. I don't want to be recognized as him at all. I don't know what else I can do. Grow a beard, move...wear my glasses....go by an alias...become a lounge singer or something. Hell, anything is better than staying in Huntsville or going to Scottsboro. Too much to remind me....I can't even drink around them.
Many people ask me what "I can't even drink around them" is...and I say to them..."This isn't going to be one of those retards that slobbers and rubs shit in his hair is it? Cause you know how I am about midgets and antique furniture. I can't even drink around them." ---totally a quote from the movie Slingblade.
I went to a SAAC meeting tonight. It was not very productive. I'm kinda glad that it was my last one. I'm finding now that I am leaving I am having all these ideas...just a shame I'll have to share them with Mark.
What can I say? I'm trying to be strong, but I want to call her right now. But I'm not going to...not tonight. Time to go.
Sidenotes:
1. Frustration...I want to email...but I can't.
2. Frustration again...I want to call but I won't.
3. Also frustration...I hate this.
4. I almost got hit by a waterballoon today.
5. Honors day...what a waste.
6. Sully would look cool with darker hair.
7. Pruitt would look cool with darker hair.
8. Hey Rachel Shores.
9. In your face Cody Bellomy.
10. BOO CANCER.
11. The Song "Happier" by Guster is awesome.
12. "How do you talk to an angel?" anyone else remember that song? Who sings it?
13. Deadlines and committments...what to leave in...what to leave out. Against the WIND.
14. I want to go swimming.
15. If I were President, I'd grant pardons to all men convicted of shoplifting Evan Williams.
16. Happy Boozeday, I mean Birthday, Mark Ullom...sorry it's belated.
17. Natalie Hamilton provided a nice outlet for stress today. She really helped me with a good conversation.
18. These sidenotes are getting ridiculous.
I'll just say my prayers
Light myself on fire
And walk out on the wire
Once again
But I offer this advice to anyone who believes they are in love. Never tell anyone. Don't let it out. I don't care if you're dying to tell the whole world and you think it's going to eat your insides out and make your brain fry, and heart burst...you better keep it in. Express it in any other way than actually saying it. Do not write it. Do not use sign language to say it....just let the other person know you appreciate them in other ways...lest they freak out and leave (which seems to be a developing pattern in my life).
Don't it always seem to go
That you don't know what you got
Till it's gone...
So...I went to see Malissa today. We went to wal-mart. Yes, we went to wal-mart. I purchased many things...and these things have changed my life. No. Not at all. I am the same person. I think my hair suits my mood more though. I don't know. Sometimes I want to create someone other than myself. An alter ego. And not a truck driver named Duke. I think I'll start going by my middle name...or maybe a derrivative of my first name...and not MATT. I just want to forget Matt. He keeps getting left. I don't want to be recognized as him at all. I don't know what else I can do. Grow a beard, move...wear my glasses....go by an alias...become a lounge singer or something. Hell, anything is better than staying in Huntsville or going to Scottsboro. Too much to remind me....I can't even drink around them.
Many people ask me what "I can't even drink around them" is...and I say to them..."This isn't going to be one of those retards that slobbers and rubs shit in his hair is it? Cause you know how I am about midgets and antique furniture. I can't even drink around them." ---totally a quote from the movie Slingblade.
I went to a SAAC meeting tonight. It was not very productive. I'm kinda glad that it was my last one. I'm finding now that I am leaving I am having all these ideas...just a shame I'll have to share them with Mark.
What can I say? I'm trying to be strong, but I want to call her right now. But I'm not going to...not tonight. Time to go.
Sidenotes:
1. Frustration...I want to email...but I can't.
2. Frustration again...I want to call but I won't.
3. Also frustration...I hate this.
4. I almost got hit by a waterballoon today.
5. Honors day...what a waste.
6. Sully would look cool with darker hair.
7. Pruitt would look cool with darker hair.
8. Hey Rachel Shores.
9. In your face Cody Bellomy.
10. BOO CANCER.
11. The Song "Happier" by Guster is awesome.
12. "How do you talk to an angel?" anyone else remember that song? Who sings it?
13. Deadlines and committments...what to leave in...what to leave out. Against the WIND.
14. I want to go swimming.
15. If I were President, I'd grant pardons to all men convicted of shoplifting Evan Williams.
16. Happy Boozeday, I mean Birthday, Mark Ullom...sorry it's belated.
17. Natalie Hamilton provided a nice outlet for stress today. She really helped me with a good conversation.
18. These sidenotes are getting ridiculous.
I'll just say my prayers
Light myself on fire
And walk out on the wire
Once again
posted by Hew Tyler | 7:20 PM
3 Comments:
obvious point: only people who don't pay attention to you, or haven't been around you in a year, don't know what "i can't even drink around them" is from.
"How Do You Talk To An Angel" is by Jamie Walters, a.k.a. "Ray" on Beverly Hills, 90210.... Do you actually even like that song?
nope, do not like the song...at all. Not in the least.
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