Your Face Gives Me the Diarrhea

sick days and ridiculous expectations

2012-02-08T15:20:00.000-08:00

I tell my supervisor I'm going home from work (around 1PM) because I'm achey and nauseated. She says to me, "excellent, go rest so you can come to area meeting tonight at 10PM."

My supervisor doesn't understand the concept of a sick day.

How do I get myself in to these situations?

Let's do some side notes:
1. I'm kind of thirsty.
2. I gave up caffeine.
3. It's working out well so far.
4. The King of Queens is not a funny show. Kevin James is not funny.
5. Somewhere in Kentucky, there's a young man probably holding a stethescope between his shirt tail and his pants to keep it warm so it doesn't startle people when he puts it on their chest. He may have learned this trick from Dr. Bradford (or maybe not).
6. I wonder what it's like to not have to worry about money. What would Karl Marx say?
7. Avoid politics.
8. I won 25.00 on a 5.00 scratch off.
9. Every day I wake up and I just win all day.
10. When RAs resign, it makes my life harder.
11. Why do people have hair on their toes?
12. 3.5 hours till I suck it up and go to this damn meeting.
13. Planning to visit Katherine in Boise during spring break.
14. I work with a large gentleman named Chuck. I tease him about being the Hulk...except I call him the CHulk. "Don't CHulk out..."
15. I should write more consistently. I just don't feel like my life is all that interesting.

Frustrated...

2011-07-23T13:58:00.001-07:00

Just because you're my mother doesn't mean you can say whatever you want and expect me to not get angry about it.

---JUST SAYIN'

I was trimming the sides and back of my hair and the clippers slipped and I had to buzz it all off. I was very disappointed in this mishap. Oh well.

Had a good time kayaking with Brandon Mader the other day. We went out to the Goosepond Amphitheater and paddled around the island. Always fun to reminisce and share more recent stories.

This poison ivy on my leg is about to make me angry. How long does it take to get it to go away anyway?

That's all I've got.

my gray skies are your sunshine

2011-07-06T13:39:00.000-07:00

I'm only happy when it rains. Some song said that in the early to mid nineties. Garbage I think.

Either way the redhead was good looking (some say).

I've been sick with a cold the past few days (sore throat/congestion...and my neck has had a real pain too). Summer colds are the worst. I did enjoy a good time Saturday evening with Mader, his sister and her boyfriend. We went to The Docks (a restaurant/bar). Some dude had a girl give Mader his number. Apparently this happens to Mader all the time. I never knew. Direct quote "Whatever. It happens."---Not to me. And I'm kind of glad because I'm not sure if I'd take it as a compliment or just feel awkward about rejecting someone.

Plans to kayak have been thwarted by this sickness. The routine of running has also fallen by the wayside in an attempt to devote any extra energy to feeling better or getting over it. Other than that I'm doing well.

I've applied for way more jobs than I really want to have by now...just sayin.

I had a great 4th of July celebration with Alfred, Bessima and their offspring (Jackson Burns Hensley). Other people of note: the Minshew Mangler and Mordecai...everyone else, I didn't really know.

Let's do a top 8/Bottom 4

8. Nothing like a good Thunderstorm on a Tuesday morning.
7. Bad Teacher- Not as great as anticipated but still better than the 2nd Hangover.
6. Posterity and John Adams. Look it up.
5. Caught another lizard (blue tailed skink...I have two...a male and a female).
4. Fishing with Uncle Shawn and Shawna/the parentals & Brian.
3. In Transformers 3 they destroy Chicago (according to Katie).
2. Fireworks.
1. Burger.

4. Casey Anthony verdict
3. Snot
2. No running
1. Unemployment (orginally typed Unempooment)

I'm tired of trying so hard

2011-07-01T20:47:00.001-07:00

Something something blah blah

We live in uncertain times.

The most productive thing I've done today is mow the yard. I ran a 6:21 on my first mile today. I need to get to where that's not a big deal. I'm not even sure why I'm writing. No one reads this and most normal people have other people to talk to about their day.

I'm so mundane. I hate it. If I could bottle my self-hatred right now and sell it, I'd be a rich man (this makes no sense...as if people want to hate themselves).

I want to get deeply personal at the moment, but I'm afraid I'll type something I regret in my anger.

Way over due for an update

2011-06-29T13:17:00.000-07:00

So...I've got a lot of time on my hands. Since graduate school, I worked at a University in Tennessee in Chattanooga that will go without name. I was there from June 28, 2010 to May 31, 2011. During that time I experienced the worst place to ever work in my life. I truly feel my supervisors were threatened by my abilities. When push came to shove I decided it was time to cut the ties and jump the tracks (for never to return...at least in the position I was in).

Currently, I'm job searching...and living with the parents. It's not a fun situation by any means but I am appreciating the break I'm getting. I like to consider it an extended vacation. I've applied for 36 jobs since December but nothing is panning out.

The greatest and best thing in my life is that I'm engaged to an amazing woman. The problem is that she lives and works in Boise, Idaho...and I do not. Distance is painful and it's frustrating but I know that someday soon it will all be worth it.

In honor of my dear friend Mr. Guthrie, I'm going to do a top 8 bottom 4 for this week.

Top 8:

1. I'm at 20 miles and it's day 3 (I did 30 last week).
2. I've got a lot of awesome memories from the past.
3. I've met and enjoyed the company of many great people.
4. Getting quality time with the parents.
5. I built a fire last Saturday and it was awesome.
6. Mrs. Potter's Lullaby (Counting Crows).
7. I'm no longer in Hell.
8. Lost 6 LBS since coming home/running consistently (not changing eating habits).

Bottom 4:
1. Unemployment
2. Packed away all the trophies, plaques, ribbons, medals, etc. from high school and college running. Tired of the past mocking me and I'm out to do something new/prove something to myself.
3. I touched things I haven't touched in over a decade (I set things somewhere a decade ago).
4."The price of a memory, is the memory of the sorrow it brings..."

badeb badeb badeb...that's all folks. (why don't they show Looney Tunes on TV anymore?)

Getting through the last few days

2009-12-10T09:10:00.000-08:00

My foot seems to be feeling better. I believe I will be out of this air cast soon.

It's been a pretty hectic semester. It is nice to be done though. I didn't have a single final (only papers). I should come out on top with a 4.0 semester if everything works out okay.

I've been considering things that will be happening in the coming months. With all hope I'll be graduating with a Master's degree and finally getting grown-up employment with benefits. This pleases me.

So I'm going to do some sidenotes:

1. It's 25 degrees outside and it's after 11AM. This is shockingly uncommon in Arkansas.
2. I get really annoyed when everyone is invited to something and I am not, whether it is by mistake or on purpose...it is still rude.
3. I hate dry skin.
4. Had a beard. It was gross. Shaved it.
5. I just want to go run...but when I get this boot off, I'll have to learn to walk again before I can run. Atrophy. I hate it.
6. Hipsters. Hipsters are the problem. Pabst Blue Ribbon drinkers, the whole lot.
7. So in the past week, I've watched all the Harry Potter movies. I'm very ashamed.
8. I do get to ride my bike on an indoor trainer.
9. I cannot find my highlighter yellow running apparel.
10. For some reason I can't explain, I want a pack of skittles.
11. I don't want to battle from beginning to end. I don't want to cycle or recycle revenge. I don't want to follow Death and all of his friends.
12. Dreading the drive home alone.
13. Going to Vegas in February.
14. Rock-n-Roll.

So don't hurry. Just be patient. Don't worry.

I was thinking about a girl I once knew

2009-11-04T18:57:00.000-08:00

I wrote this a couple of weeks ago...

So here I am. Sitting in a time between things at NACA. I wanted to write to you. The subject is misery and some thoughts. I feel a little miserable. I'm not sure how you feel or have been feeling. I can't imagine that your week has gone very well considering the news you shared with me the other day. My misery stems from other places...like broken things. In that regard I think you and I are dealing with our fair shares. Whether it be heart, foot, or fortitude...who knows. But it IS miserable. There's no doubt about that. I had some really sad thoughts on love. Like when/how do you tell someone (not necessarily you, but when/how does one tell someone else?)--I think of how I would like to be told. I imagined standing in the rain on a rocky beach...wind blowing all around--and then I imagined that maybe one day some woman, beautiful in nature, and shapely in figure might walk up and kiss me passionately and smile with a smile like the morning sun...then she would just say it. And I would know in that moment that it were true--and I would say it as well. But life most times is not what we imagine. Seldom times is it bright and starry like that. And when it comes down to it, really all that matters is that it is said. So often it is not spoken. And that is the sincerest damnable misery of love.

...that it is held back or worse--one sided. A few pensive moments have passed. I wonder at times like this, if you know that I am writing to you. I find so often that I write what I cannot say and it comes out confusing. But what is better, a few true and confusing pages--or one elaborately confused and scared conversation that the two of us may never remember once it is all said and done. I'll stick to my pen and paper. If for nothing else, the preservation of my thought in what I say.

Top Ten Complaints This Week

2009-07-30T14:36:00.000-07:00

10. My apartment is a mess and I don't want to clean it.
9. Why do people publicly grieve on facebook, etc.--especially if they hardly knew the person they are grieving over.
8. There are just never enough hours in the day...for sleep.
7. I woke up this morning at 1:42AM thinking it was like 6AM. Lame.
6. Why do people feel it is appropriate to text me about work related items after midnight?
5. As if I didn't have enough to be stressed about, it turns out the last church camp that was in my building STOLE a mattress. WTF? A church camp stole a mattress!
4. Come up with 80 policy questions for a RA program? Are you serious? Give me the hard part why don't you.
3. Spiders. Fuck em.
2. Dr. Pepper win a camaro contest. Fuck that.
1. Red tape and restrictions. I can't get anything done because I'm not approved to do anything, yet I'm expected to accomplish things. This is not my fault. You changed things on me at the last minute. You fix it.

It was bound to happen sooner or later...

2009-06-23T11:44:00.001-07:00

The people in my online class have officially annoyed me in the discussion boards.

I just don't care about reading your typographical/grammatical errors...or the fact that you cannot spell. I guess if what you were saying was something that seven other people hadn't already said before you posted, I might care.

MOVING ON...

I just got back from a two week vacation back to the homeland. It was great to be home. The following is a list of my activities.

1. Fished.
2. Kayaked.
3. Ran.
4. Was sick for about 4 days at the start of the vacation.
5. Ate lunch with Bruno.
6. Ate dinner with Simon.
7. Ate dinner with Mader and two of the Ulrichs.
8. Did some irresponsible drinking. Played guitar at the bar during that...
9. Played with the nephew, but not during the irresponsible drinking.
10. Saw "The Hangover"
11. Text messaged often.
12. Golfed.
13. Helped dad cut up the fallen trees and drag them to the road.
14. Helped worm goats and trim their hooves.

All of those things were done in no specific order. I probably accidentally left some things out and also purposely left other things out.

Now I am returned to Arkansas. Great fun.

RDs on wheels...

2009-06-02T06:19:00.000-07:00

Yesterday evening a group of RDs and myself went on a bike ride around campus. We rode almost six miles. An excellent time was had by all. At 2.5 miles, the resident director of baswell hall looked over at the resident director of the university commons and said, "I can feel the burn."--that makes me giggle a little bit.

List of people in attendance:
1. Daver "Scoots" Miller
2. Katie "Axel Grease" Uttich
3. Jeff "Jimmy" Hudnall
4. Joe "Smokes" Watkins
5. Kaytie "Diddle" Farrell
6. Myself

Sidenotes:
1. People watching in awe of 6 people biking around campus in loops.
2. The smell of the rendering plant (makes dog food) throughout Russellville, Arkansas.
3. I have sneezed 4 times in a row while writing this.
4. "I can feel the burn." (Joe)
5. "This seat hurts my ass. I'm getting the buns of steel workout." (Daver)
6. "Are you seriously lighting up a cigarette right now?" (Jeff to Joe)
7. "What's the big deal I just feel like a cigarette? We're just biking." (Joe)
8. "Does your camel back squirt?" (Daver)
9. "No you have to suck it." (Joe)
10. "People are too whiny." (Kaytie as she pedals to the front)
11. Joe brought his mongoose over and hopped the curb on his way to Wilson Hall...he soon got a flat tire after he arrived.
12. Thanks to Michael Day for letting Joe borrow his bicycle.

After the bike ride I finished a 6" grilled chicken sub. Then Jeff, Joe, and I hit foam rubber golf balls around campus. So yesterday I ran, biked, golfed. It was a fun afternoon/evening.

Sitting in Paine...

2009-05-29T06:08:00.001-07:00

Just waiting for all these firefighters to check out of the building so we can tear this camp down and get everything squared away. I've had this duty phone since Sunday and I'm ready for it to be over with for the week. I'll still have the phone, there just won't be a camp here to call me. This pleases me.

Classes start on Monday. So much for the easy life.

A RA of mine blocked me on facebook. That's lovely. I'm not even sure why this person did it.

Blah. Happy Friday!

So I'm just the medicine...you take when you're sick...

2009-05-28T07:05:00.000-07:00

...you get well then that's it...

It's been a long time since I wrote in this thing. A few updates...

-got through my first year of grad school unscathed.
-really tired of work, looking forward to vacation in about a week and half.
-saying goodbye to people sucks.
-helping run camps and conferences here at this university.
-niece to be born sometime soon.
-girlfriend? (yes.)
-music? (when there's time. I've been working on this one song for about 2 months now.I just can't find the words.)

So I think that about catches us up to the minute. I'm just sitting in my office here in my building. It is a boring Thursday morning. I've been getting up and going over to another building where we are having a camp stay. I go over in the mornings to open the office and get the front desk running. I'm not sure why the kiddos that staff the desk have to routinely be late, however, I do understand that 7:30 is early. I've been getting up at 6AM the past two weeks. I've been trying to go to bed at 10:30 or sooner every night. It isn't working out so well all the time. But I'd say it happens more often than not. No one here really knows about this blog. So if or when I write about humorous situations...no one really gets it, because most of you live elsewhere.

Oh Arkansas.

Sidenotes:
1. Brandon Mader has successfully completed his master's degree. Good job kid Mader.
2. Andrew Dougie graduating from Med School...Dr. Hodges...that's pretty awesome. I wish I could have been there.
3. Hallie left for Dallas. I feel okay with it.
4. Kaytie will also leave for Dallas. Not sure how I feel about that.
5. Gran Turino is basically a kick ass movie. I loved it. Favorite quote, "Every once and a while did you ever come across someone you wish you hadn't fucked with? That's me."
6. Is it bad that firefighters whistle at me when I ride by on my bicycle? I think it is. Oh Arkansas.
7. Daver made some pretty good spaghetti. I was surprised.
8. Homemade mac-n-cheese!!!
9. Huge blister on my heel, popped, scabbed, scab was rubbed off...bled, scabbed again...and THAT's where we are with it.
10. I had a flat on my bicycle. I hate that.
11. I've had the duty phone since Sunday. I hate it.
12. Missed Cotton Row? I wouldn't say I missed it, Andrew.
13. This stops at 13.

Settling in to Old Age and Solitude

2008-09-11T11:20:00.001-07:00

This is my new task. I've decided I'm not destined to be with anyone. Ever. I officially give up.

Some Side-notes:
1. "Oh really? Did you diddle her in the a? I bet you did diddle her in the a. Didn't you."
2. Your poop brown eyes give me the diarrhea.
3. Don't fucking look at me like that. I'll throw a spear at you like you're a fucking gazelle or something.
4. Right now I'm looking at flowers that some douche bag sent her. Sad thing is that this douche bag is anonymous and probably has a better chance than I do.
5. "You better watch out because I'm gonna say FUCK."
6. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKING FUCK. FUCK.
7. And in case you didn't get the emphasis before....fuck.
8. It turns out that no matter what anyone ever says it can be trumped by one word. A simple four letter word. I'm not talking about "love" people.
9. I want a cherry coke. I want a shot of whiskey. What about that?
10. Somebody set us up the bomb.
11. This ends at 11.

How awesome? WICKED AWESOME.

2008-09-07T22:18:00.000-07:00

I was in Alabama for about three days. Much fun. I missed a "clubbing" trip to Little Rock with my gang (and I don't mean baby seals kiddies). I can say I had more rewarding time with the family than I probably would have had at the club. My father bought a 42" HiDef TV and a Wii. I know...right? Tommy the Enforcer bought a Wii? What's that all about? I dunno, but it was a good decision. I'm going to side notes the trip.

Sidenotes:
1. 2-0, let's see how long that really lasts.
2. I left Russellville, AR at 8:30PM on Thursday evening to drive 454 miles EAST. I arrived at 4AM, and was asleep by 4:05AM. Guess what time I got up? 7:45AM! Who can waste a day in God's country? "NOT I," said the sly red fox.
3. Spent a day in Huntsville visiting peeps. Sadly, I didn't have enough time in the day to let EVERYONE know that I was coming to Alabama. If I didn't visit you, I promise I'll get you next time around.
4. There ain't no party like a pajama wii party...HEY....HO.
5. If I'm here, and you're there, then who's on second?
6. My older brother gave me this Brandi Carlile cd "The Story"---it's pretty damn awesome. I recommend finding it.
7. Melanie: "Matt when are you coming back?"
Me: "I'm not coming back, Chief."
8. New surround sound for the dvd entertainment in my apartment.
9. Brian gave me ten bucks. How about that? Thanks Brian.
10. Mom made a cookie cake. It was a little well done.
11. That girl found out that song was about her and she hasn't even heard it yet. It's killing me. Gah I feel so awkward when people figure out/find out.
12. The nephew is growing like a weed in summer...runnin' around drooling and stuff.
13. Joe Watkins took a bullet for me. Bless you sir.
14. All in all a good birthday.
15. Shout outs to: Alfred, Bessima and the wee tyke AlBessifred. Andrew Hodges kickin it on the Southside. You gotta know when to hold them fool.

*pours one on the ground for his homies*

The Heart

2008-09-07T22:14:00.001-07:00

Some song lyrics I wrote last Saturday...well, it started out as a poem and I just couldn't resist...

If I told her in moments
That words do not describe
Would she take well my compliments?
Or think them as some sort of bribe
See she keeps me spinning
Even though I'm not moving
And I do not get dizzy
In a way it is soothing
And I daydream of futures
Forevers in instants
And then just as suddenly
I seem to forget them
And maybe it is sanity
Convincing subconscious
To reach for some ink
Just to write down all of this
But I think it's a blessing
Or maybe a curse
That the heart knows what it wants
And could not want it worse

Formal Letter of Concern (Mice)

2008-07-08T04:41:00.001-07:00

As I'm sure many of you are aware, Wilson Hall has what has been
labeled a "mice problem." After much time and consideration I fear this
is a grave understatement. I arrived at the Tech campus and moved into
Wilson Hall on Friday, June 27th. Since the time of my arrival I have
killed and removed thirty mice in my apartment alone. A minor problem
would be one or two mice. It is my opinion that thirty mice do not
constitute a problem, this amount defines an infestation. One cannot
deny that the removal of thirty mice from any structure of clean human
occupation in eleven days is an unsanitary and unhealthy infestation.
As the new director of Wilson Hall, the building is in my charge.
And as I begin to settle into this new role I have accepted I have
mixed feelings. I am happy to be in the employment of ATU, as well as
in the service of the Department of Residence Life, however, I can
neither morally nor ethically continue to recommend the use of this
building as a healthy place of residence for camps, conferences, and
students. To do so would be a gross disservice. This infestation is a
threat to the health and safety of anyone occupying or working in
Wilson Hall.
Many people know that mice and other pests carry a variety of
diseases. Whether or not a mice bites a person is of no consequence
humans can contract diseases from mice with no actual contact with the
mouse itself. Mice damage buildings and contaminate food storages.
Everywhere a mouse goes, it leaves it's droppings and urine. This
excrement is more than troublesome mess. Beyond the obvious problems
with mouse droppings (food contamination, etc.),mouse droppings have
the potential to emit aerosols of a virus known as the "hantavirus." If
left untreated the virus can cause a human fatality within days.
Symptoms emerge in progression of fever, diarrhea, chills, headache,
shortness of breath, and eventually cardiac arrest.
In any event of infestation, proper measures to combat and remove
the pests must be taken to ensure the continued health and safety of
the residents as well as staff. I feel the Department of Residence Life
should take immediate measures to put an end to this infestation before
it becomes a problem of unimaginable proportions. Female mice are bred
every four to five weeks, and have litters of anywhere between six and
ten. Within three weeks the litters are capable of leaving the nest.
This infestation must be confronted and it must be eradicated as soon
as possible. The longer the infestation is ignored, the more
problematic it will become. Furthermore, I fear that with the high
level of traffic from summer conferences and camps, the Department of
Residence Life is only a phone call, email, or letter from a concerned
parent to the Health Board away from receiving much unnecessary bad
press.
With the concerns I have voiced in this letter, it is my
recommendation that the following actions be taken as soon as possible:
1. A thorough inspection and walk through (and around) to seal any
entrances mice may be using to enter the building at the ground level
and in the floor boards of the first floor of Wilson Hall. 2. A foot
-wide strip of gravel be placed around the perimeter of the building.
3. Immediate contact of a professional extermination service to take
extreme actions such as smoke bombing, or poison baiting the entire
building. 4. A formal request be made for service animals (felines) to
be placed in the basement of Wilson Hall (because there is no central
air ducting, there is a very slim chance of allergens reaching
residents).
It is not expected that all of my recommendations will be carried
out, however, I feel it is important and necessary to confront this
infestation in order to provide a quality as well as healthy living
environment for our student residents.

"she never came, she never even called"

2008-06-22T06:33:00.000-07:00

SO I PUT IT IN MY POCKET AND I DROVE HOME TO ALABAMA.

There is an illustrious clatter of distorted noise around 7pm Saturday evening. A young man is alone on a screened porch angrily thrashing out notes, faster and faster...burying his pain in electronic noise, wearing a veil of feigned sobriety...sneering at the river in the distance. He thought he was alone. Then the door opened. And his mother asked "what are you doing?" He slapped his hand against the strings of the Epiphone Dot, bringing an abrupt end to the noise. All one could hear was the faint "pop" of the electric fence through the amplifier as it's sound passed through the pickups. He looked at her and said, "taking in the air." His mother said, "your finger is bleeding." He looked down and noticed his left index finger was in fact, bleeding from the tip.

And it came to pass that a good friend came through on a promise...

2008-06-22T03:29:00.000-07:00

And in a jar of Taster's Choice, I tasted "Wild Spirit-Paddle Your Own Canoe."--perhaps the last bit of it left in the free world. Appropriately ingested while kayaking on Memorial Day.

It was a promise that was kept after two years. Maybe there is hope for the world.

So, I've had an entire month of almost nothing going on since graduation. I'll be moving to Arkansas next Friday and not a moment too soon. I've definitely had enough of this place for a while. In this month I've done a few things (almost nothing isn't really nothing it just is a few things with a lot of nothing in between). I think it's best summed up in sidenotes.

1. Installed pull up bar.
2. Built some benches.
3. Mowed the lawn a few times (THAT is a chore.)
4. Kayaked my brains out.
5. Ran a little bit.
6. Flew to San Antonio.
7. Spent a few evenings in Huntsville.
8. Watched a lot of movies.
9. Had lunch with the Hensleys.
10. Saw a baby chicken hatch.
11. Had plans fall through.
12. Had plans that worked.
13. Saw people in Wal-mart that I had not seen in seven years, and thought I would never see again.

This was really boring.

Life is defined in the moments you live on the periphery of sanity.

2008-04-25T08:21:00.000-07:00

I said that randomly this morning to a special person...a very dangerous person.

So it turns out I'm moving to Arkansas. I got a job at Arkansas Tech University in Russellville as a Gradauate Assistant (being a Hall Director). It's a pretty sweet deal. I'll be living in a Residence Hall, my tuition will be paid, I'll have a meal plan, and I'll even get a paycheck on top of that. I'll be moving in late June/early July.

I've taken some cds of mine around to local businesses in an effort to get some work playing live. I got a gig on the spot at one place (Sam and Greg's Gelato Cafe)--it's on the square downtown. I also took cds to Humphrey's, the Voodoo lounge, and the Kaffeklatsch, as well as Biscuits and Blues at Bridge Street. So I'm making more of an effort to get out and do things, which is a good thing I guess?

Other than that I've got one final till the end of my undergraduate career. This is exciting. I'm happy to be leaving.

More of an update later.

So it turns out...

2008-03-23T21:43:00.000-07:00

Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls...I don't give a damn how grossly drunk you got over spring break, or how red you got in your swimsuit...I'm sick of seeing all your boring beach pictures on facebook. Why didn't you go somewhere with some scenery or do something different? You do realize you can drink at places other than the beach?

And by the way Kenny Chesney, the beach is about as country as New York City. FUCK YOU.

Poets and Pirates...who are you kidding? What are you 48 now? Time to grow up.

The beach ain't country.

In the Little Rock Airport

2008-03-15T08:43:00.000-07:00

So much fun here in this place...

I'm sitting in a terminal by gate 12. I'm on the very end of a row of seats that wobble every time some gets up or sits down. People are getting up and sitting down a lot and it's annoying the hell out of me. There's a lady to my left chowing on some quizno's. As for me, I'm waiting on a flight to Memphis where I just might get another one of those wonderful cheeseburgers from the blue note cafe in their terminal. It's amazing how an eight dollar burger can brighten one's entire day (ironic...an 8 dollar burger). See they get you in these terminals and they've got you trapped for hours on end with no other options for food. There are definitely no other options for drink outside of the three ounces of whiskey I can get in (I'm only kidding. I don't really have whiskey in the terminal...I wish I did). This trip has definitely been an experience for me. I've never flown alone before, and definitely never flown before with layovers. The only unfortunate thing about flying...layovers. I guess a two hour sit in the Memphis terminal isn't so bad. I saw a great many things while visiting Arkansas Tech. From a distance I saw the "double-wide in the sky" that is the Bill Clinton Presidential Library. I didn't actually go in. I'm sure it's lovely in there. Full of memorabilia from his Presidency...stained dresses, cigars...etc.(Someone just got up and sat down. I am getting pissed off and may have to move). I also saw the wonderful sunset at the top of none other than Mt. Nebo (pronounced NEEBO...that's right Alfred, in Arkansas, you have your own mountain). It stormed like hell both nights I was at Russellville. They say they don't get many storms like that. I don't believe it. I'm going to watch the weather around here for a good week and see what I think about it. MAKE AN ASSESSMENT. The entire staff at Tech were really friendly and very welcoming. I had a really good time. We even ate lunch in the presidential box overlooking the football field (classy, CLASSY). Seriously, it was pretty swank. After a morning of interviews in the suit and tie, we got to change into casual attire and take a walking tour of the campus. It was a really nice campus. Older, but nice. After the tour we went to a local place called Stoby's for dinner. It had a train car as part of their dining area. We ate in that. It was awesome. They even had a real train whistle attached to it (I gave it a good long yank, and so did your mother). After dinner we drove up Mt. Nebo. It was about 2 miles of steep switchbacks. It reminded me a lot of July Mountain in Scottsboro. I vow I will return someday and run up Mt. Neebo.

I wonder how long my battery will last. I can't get the icon to show up in my toolbar. I know I can plug in somewhere around here. I just have to find an outlet. Maybe I'll just wait till Memphis to plug in. I think it'll be okay. Damn laptop. The stinking disk drive won't open on the side anymore. I'm going to have to look into that. More updates later.

"There's a song stuck in my head and I can't help singin it..."

2008-03-10T12:07:00.000-07:00

For some reason I'm rattling around today with this song in my head. Walking wherever I have to go but it stays in my head.

LANDLOCKED BLUES - Bright Eyes

If you walk away I walk away
first tell me which road you will take
I don't want to risk our paths crossing someday
so you walk that way I'll walk this way

and the future hangs over our heads
and it moves with each current event
until it falls all around like a cold steady rain
just stay in when it's lookin' this way

and the moon's laying low in the sky
forcing everything metal to shine
and the sidewalk holds diamonds like a jewelry store case
they argue "walk this way," "no walk this way"

and laura's asleep in my bed
as I'm leaving she wakes up and says
"I dreamed you were carried away on the crest of a wave
baby don't go away, come here"

and there's kids playing guns in the street
and one's pointing his tree branch at me
So I put my hands up I say:
"Enough is enough,
If you walk away I walk away."
(and he shot me dead)

I found a liquid cure
for my landlocked blues
it will pass away
like a slow parade
it's leaving but I don't know how soon

and the world's got me dizzy again
you'd think after 22 years I'd be used to the spin
and it only feels worse when I stay in one place
so I'm always pacing around or walking away
I keep drinking the ink from my pen
and I'm balancing history books up on my head
but it all boils down to one quotable phrase
"If you love something give it away"
A good woman will pick you apart
a box full of suggestions for your possible heart
But you may be offended, and you may be afraid
but don't walk away, don't walk away

We made love on the living room floor
with the noise in the background from a televised war
And in the deafening pleasure I thought I heard someone say
"If we walk away,they’ll walk away"
But greed is a bottomless pit
And our freedom's a joke we're just taking a piss
And the whole world must watch the sad comic display
If you're still free start runnin' away
'cause we're comin' for ya!

I've grown tired of holding this pose
I feel more like a stranger each time I come home
So I'm making a deal with the devils of fame
Sayin' let me walk away, please
You'll be free child once you have died
from the shackles of language and measurable time
And then we can trade places, play musical graves
till then walk away walk away walk away walk away
So I'm up at dawn, putting on my shoes
I just want to make a clean escape
I'm leaving but I don't know where to
I know I'm leaving but I don't know where to

Skank in My Math Class

2008-03-10T08:07:00.000-07:00

Dear Inconsiderate Whore,
Thank you for consistently arriving 15-20 minutes late for a 55 minute class. I really appreciate when you walk in and interrupt my train of thought, the professor's lecture, and everyone else's ordered lives. It really makes me happy when you come in with your huge bugeyed sunglasses on, cell phone ringing, and bumping everyone in the aisle with your goddam vera bradley duffel bag. It further makes my day when you then sit down and untwist the cap of your diet sundrop and it hisses loudly. You then go above and beyond rattling whatever wrapper to whatever rice-caked/granola snack you're eating that particular morning. I think it's really gracious of you to share your snack with your rather rotund friend that sits beside you and whom you write notes back and forth to during the part of the lecture you're actually present to hear. You are an absolute joy to partake in every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. However, I've got a few suggestions to heighten your quality as a person and help you achieve more in your college career.
This is not fucking homeroom in high school. No one here cares that you were the head cheerleader last year and we don't all think you're beautiful. High school is not optional. You either go or your parents are arrested for truancy. College is a different matter. Be fucking respectful of your fellow classmates. We pay good money to go to school and improve our lives. If you're not adding to the atmosphere of academia check yourself bitch. You're a rail. I am all for you eating and gaining a little weight but could you refrain from doing so in class? I mean maybe you could eat your snack in your car during your drive or during whatever reason you're always fucking late to class. Hey, here's an idea...show some goddam human decency and when you bump some bastard with your vera bradley duffel bag, fucking say "excuse me." Wear a little less perfume, unless you are using it to mask the fish odor...you fucking choke the rest of us out with that shit. And hey, if you're going to practically miss half the class because of your tardiness, just stay home. I already don't want to be there and you fucking up the calm serenity of the class doesn't help. And the glaring looks you and your portly friend give me while you munch on your num nums and text on your cell phones (which usually aren't silenced) are awful. You're a rude little shit, freshman. Fuck you.

Thanks,
Hew

Highlighter Yellow Running apparel

2008-03-10T05:14:00.000-07:00

This morning I went out for a nice and easy three miles. It wasn't quite light out yet so I wore a brightly colored shirt so as to be noticed and not "kilt," as Marie would say. It's always interesting the things a person sees (palindrome)when one is out "jogging" just before sun up. I'll spare you the explicit details but I will tell you it involved a hobo, two ducks, fishing line, and what appeared to be a couple of hypodermic needles. ....I RAN. I ran until my muscles burned and my veins pumped battery acid. Then I ran some more....

I saw Mr. Bruno out walking his puppy in the first 5 or so minutes of the run. I stopped to pet the Spotted One. I would have yelled that I was Old Greg, but I wasn't really in the mood. Besides, that might be getting a little old...nah, who am I kidding? Old Greg is old but doesn't get old.

Crack Fox.

Some side-notes:
1. I woke up at 4 in the freaking morning...and I don't feel productive for it at all. Though I did some push ups and ran three miles (19:40...just chillin).
2. Hipsters are the problem. If I am not a solution, am I part of the problem?
3. I think I'm going to grow shave my beard into some nice CHOPS today and just wear them around. Everyone else can deal with that.
4. My running tights are not tight anymore. That's what I get for buying tights in the middle of a "fat" stage.
5. Leaning on the side of my truck watching my breath in front of me, I held it in for a moment and noticed that the heat/evaporation from my sweating was also rising from my body. And for a brief moment, I felt like a runner again.
6. Brad bought me a pair of shorts and lunch yesterday. Thank you Bradley.
7. Right now I'm listening to Snoop Dogg "Sensual Seduction."
8. And I dislike that "Love Song" song..."I'm not gonna write you a love song..."--fuck that, as someone who actually writes love songs for people that don't deserve them...I'm offended (not really, just my two cents).
9. I'm thinking of changing the name of the blog. Any ideas or suggestions?

Lack of sleep and frustrations...

2008-03-06T12:37:00.000-08:00

I've been working 4 hours per pay period (every two weeks since August) for free. "I want my money. WHERE'S MY MONEY?"---I think I'm just going to side note today.

Sidenotes:
1. Sent the album off to be printed this morning. I'm pretty excited about that.
2. I've lost seven pounds this semester. (148 down to 141)
3. I feel old after I run now. My knees and muscles just ache.
4. I killed a brown recluse in my room. This does not please me.
5. I am in serious need of caffeine.
6. Ben Balser rocks the body that rocks the party.
7. I stayed up till around 3:45 last night writing letters and preparing mail for people.
8. Andrew, your cd is coming as soon as I find the time to make it and mail it.
9. Mader, your tenacity and relentless drive through your mountain of work toward Spring break is truly inspiring.
10. I HATE WORKING THE FRONT DESK. I WANT A JOB THAT PAYS.
11. I have a headache.
12. My sinuses are being really mean to me.
13. I feel like I just can't seem to get it right.
14. Does anyone even read this thing anymore?
15. Did I mention I hate working the front desk?

Notice the WIDGET

2008-02-27T11:42:00.000-08:00

I've added a widget to my blog. It's located at the very top of the page, over the title. You can click play and it will play my music for you. If you hit the circulation arrow, the widget will play through to the next song on my reverbnation page. I've got about seven songs up on that page, so this widget will play them all. It even allows you to skip ahead if you would like.

Connect the Dot Universe

2008-02-26T11:50:00.000-08:00

I've recorded an album.

It will hopefully be available on iTunes in a few weeks. I will also be printing up a couple of hundred to send to various radio stations, distributor companies, and record labels.

The album is currently being released under Simonaut Music. An independent label run by Simon Lindley. I am the first artist under Simonaut's label. We're both very proud.

I'm adding the album art as part of this post. It will also tell you the songs on the album.

If you'd like a preview of some of the songs before they are on iTunes, you can find them on my facebook profile. Search Hew Wilson on the Huntsville/Decatur network.

Soapbox vs. The Fishbowl (no good can come from this)

2008-01-05T17:03:00.000-08:00

RAs play an important part in the development of student residents on campuses all over the world. The eyes of an unknown number of people/residents/parents/students/administrators are constantly on Resident Assistants. My entire career as a RA I have been taught that the role of the Resident Assistant is to foster the development and personal growth of residents while building academic-based communities in residence halls. RAs are usually highly qualified, well-rounded individuals that have gone through an intense selection process to receive the position (at least at responsible institutions). RAs are sometimes the only people residents can turn to with personal issues or problems. RAs (at least good ones)know their role in mentoring, being student-leaders, and voices/faces on campus. Not only do they know this role, they also know this role is important. From drumming up school spirit to helping resolve roommate conflicts, to promoting a community that embraces academia...RAs are important influences on the diverse communities they serve. It is important to keep in mind the different demographics of people that enroll in universities. People from all parts of the world, with all types of religions, personal beliefs/convictions, heritages, and homelands, disabilities, preferences, and desires come together to form one globally recognized institution. Because RAs serve such a diverse community, RAs should be tolerant to say the least, and to say the most open-minded as well as accepting. Communication and neutrality in the professional position are of utmost importance. If RAs were to boldly state personal convictions, political beliefs, or prejudices against groups of people they stand the chance of a breakdown in the lines of communication. If a RA were to voice a personal opinion in a public venue (be it in person or via electronic website...particularly a website their residents frequent) that RA has potentially alienated an entire demographic of people/residents/students. For example when a RA gets on a soapbox politically and definitively states that they think a certain lifestyle is wrong, that might prevent residents that are having inner turmoil over the issue (either personally or with a friend) from even bringing it up with their RA. This could have dire consequences for the resident such as psychological problems, social problems, and sexual problems. It could even lead to the loss of life. When RAs speak out about the issues it could cause the RA to miss out on the chance to mentor/counsel a resident in need. If lines of communication become severed between the RA and the very people who's growth and personal development the RA is supposedly fostering and supporting, then what good is that RA? If RAs want to make statements on personal beliefs, convictions, and political views, those statements should be well thought and spoken/written with tact. Every person has every right to every thought they want to have. This is not to say RAs have no right to freedom of speech or to their own opinions, beliefs, etc.--but perhaps it would behoove RAs to think of their role in the fishbowl before they soap up the water and cloud the residents' perspective.

Sometimes I just have to write seriously.

"If that's the way that you want it, then that's the way I want it more..."

2007-12-26T10:55:00.000-08:00

I feel torn between conviction, dignity, lust, and hatred. How is it that someone can make me so entirely angry but at the same time consume my every thought? It isn't fair the way it's worked out...it isn't fair that I should have to bite my tongue. I worry that in the end, all it was about was my selfish need for another chance. But I never made a move. I never made an advance. I never took a first chance, so why would I need a second? This wasn't my second chance. This was hers.

I sit in the quiet solitude of an upstairs attic-style room, barely feeling the warmth provided by a small space heater. The only noise above the rattle of the useless heater is my typing. I slept here last night, in the almost cold. It would not have been possible if I had not been exhausted by the day. The holidays are an exhausting process in my parents's house. There is hussle and bussle and constant movement. Constant cleaning and messing and cleaning. Constant orders from my mother to "shut this door" "open that vent" "move that pan" "reach this on the top shelf for me" "move the rocking chair for the baby" "you're getting a little loud with your guitar, could you stop altogether?"---couple this with being moved around like I'm a Hurricane Katrina refugee...around the house from room to room. I'm constantly packing up and moving to another room as the relatives arrive. It isn't fair that I never get to feel like a guest here. I don't live here anymore. And my father tells me "there's no good going on after midnight in this world"--and I think to myself, 'that's kinda the point, Dad.' ---be that as it may, I've never given my parents a spot of trouble with the police or vehicles or anything. I never wrecked a car, I never went out and got into trouble before. Why do they feel I'll get into any more trouble now that I'm older? It makes no sense. I'm old enough to make my own decisions and own my mistakes, accept my consequences with dignity, etc. I know what can happen as a result of my decisions because I usually think things through...unlike some other members of my family. So they treat me like a kid. I'll do what I wish regardless of what they say when it comes to coming and going from this place.

All this and dealing with a woman, excuse me, I'll correct myself...a girl, with a ridiculous frame of mind and a few delusions that keep her from becoming a truly awesome person. She is awful at communication. I won't play the game. Forget it. She gets nothing, unless she reads this blog (which I know she doesn't because there's no way she knows about it). I don't like it any more than the rest of you, but the way she wants it, she gets it.

Sometimes during the holidays I long to just sit and be alone...like I am now. And no one is around up here because it isn't warm. I mean who wants to be where it's cold anyway? No one. Which is why mother puts me out here.

Ok rant successfully completed.

It's a long road to Joplin...

2007-11-15T21:17:00.000-08:00

Currently I'm sitting in the Holiday Inn in Joplin, Missouri. I'm up here with the University of Alabama-Huntsville cross-country team for the NCAA Div. II National meet. I took a few pictures today on the way up here. Mostly of the Ozark Mountains as we went through Arkansas. I'll take Arkansas scenery over Mississippi scenery any day...it's just so plain in MS...but the Ozarks are beautiful and wonderful and very engaging of the eyes.

I'm going to post some pictures and have more updates later.

The new guitar, a bandaid, and some crazy guy trying to back over me in the Regions Bank Parking Lot...

2007-04-21T17:16:00.000-07:00

"Our love is dead but without limit, like the surface of the moon..."

Rough times this week don't you think Lindsey?

Anyway, I don't have much to say...school needs to get over and quick. I'm tired of it. Summer will embrace me with it's humid muggy forearms...

Brandon Mader plays the bass...Andrew Douglas can be heard somewhere in the distance crying because the sound is so beautiful...

And this guy in a Grand Vitara tried to back over me in the Regions Bank Parking lot...all I was doing was trying to sit on the curb and enjoy my coca-cola...shit. Can't catch a brake...get it?

heh...

2007-04-11T10:14:00.000-07:00

I wrote this after my workout this morning.

There's a figure in your doorway
And you can't see the light
He sees your hiding places
And where you go at night
These restless dreams
Let you know your life isn't right
I don't know how you can resist it
Only God knows why you fight

The chemicals are calling you
And the rain's come out to play
All the heart of yesteryear
Has left you here today
With a trembling hand I write a poem
But can't think what to say
There is no love for you here
You'd best be on your way

The Big Gay Star of Pennsylvania

2007-04-11T09:53:00.000-07:00

So I recently took a trip up to PA with my friend Lindsey. The idea was to drive her up there so she could spend Easter with her family. So we did. We drove from Scottsboro, AL all the way to York, PA. After going to bed at 12:30 and getting up at 4:30 we drove 11 hours in the car...together. I was a little more than tired when we got there, but there was no rest for either of us just yet. Her parents took us out to this really great little Irish pub called the "Harp and Fiddle." It was authentic, right down to the guys in kilts playing bagpipes. I had a Jamesson Irish Whiskey and it was pretty damn good. I also had the "DUB-Lie-Nar Burgar" (that's how I sounded to everyone up there). Afterward we went back to her parents' house and I played guitar while Lindsey and her sisters watched.

The next morning I awoke to Lindsey and two of the dogs jumping on me. I'm not really used to animals being in the house so I was a little weirded out by the animals in the bed with me...and let me tell you, Lindsey is quite an animal. So Lindsey keeps on with whatever she does to wake me up...usually just hissing and cussing at me, every now and then a shake or something. And we get up and take the dogs on a walk in the state park. It was pretty chilly that morning. After the walk we came back to her house and her dad brought out this enormous plate of breakfast for us. Scrambled eggs, bagles, English sausage, toast...it was just this enormous plate of food. After breakfast Lindsey kept yelling at her little sister to get in the shower so that we could take showers(for some reason Lindsey thought her sister had to go first), but she never would get in. So it wound up that Lindsey pushed me into the shower and started berating me for being so slow. Then we went with Alison and her boyfriend Chris to their new house they've just gotten. We checked it out. Seemed okay. So then we went back to their townhouse that they have now and I was blown away at what a great little apartment it was. Alison and Lindsey put the turkey (for the big lunch the next day) into the oven, and soon afterward we left for the mall to buy Easter cards. I got a shirt at the Gap to wear for church the next morning. The deal was I'd buy it if Lindsey would iron it (probably one of the only times she's ever come through on anything). So we returned to her parents house after the mall for a little while and then we went back to Alison and Chris's to check the turkey. We played pool and drank rum for a little while (we also had macaroni and cheese...I also tried broccoli but after a few moments of chewing my gag reflex began and my eyes watered up so I spat it out). Soon we went back to her parents' house and clowned around for a little while. Then her mother asked me to play the guitar. While playing, Lindsey brought me some Scotch Whisky...pretty good. I was a little drunk but I think I played okay.

On Sunday Lindsey woke me up in the usual way and we got ready and went to church. Church didn't last long and I wasn't particularly impressed with it. No one sang very well there and those that did sang like they didn't care about singing. And the sermon was the usual. After church we went back to the house and then people (all of Chris's family) began to arrive for Easter Lunch. It was a fabulous feast that was prepared. I mean her mom went all out. It was impressive. A few drinks later, Lindsey asked me to play again (at this point I'm beginning to feel like a novelty)...but I did it anyway because I like to play. Anyway, then everyone left and lindsey took a nap. I stayed up and had a conversation with her parents about various things. And around 6pm Eastern we packed up and drove back to Scottsboro...didn't get there till 4:30am central time.

Fun trip though, I don't understand why all the houses have these big gay stars on them. Every where you go there's a big gay star on the side of a house or something. The big gay star of PA....

Get Rhythm...when you get the blues...

2007-02-22T20:52:00.000-08:00

Because inquiring minds want to know...an update...

I am here. That's about all there is to it. I'm floating in some schoolwork, trying to graduate in August (or sooner). I've been dealing with some deeply depressing events in my personal life that pertain to someone else and I won't mention them for confidentiality's sake of the other person and all...not here, not publicly. If you want to know then ask me. I might tell you. If you're far away and cannot ask me to my face...then call me (andrew and sarah), or send me an email.

Sidenotes:
1. New guitar (traded in Alvarez AD60K and Martin Backpacker) and got an Alvarez AD60CK...which is basically the best thing I've ever done and have enjoyed playing it immensely...but it is also the first step in consolidation of guitars to get to the Gibson Songwriter Deluxe that I really want. I'll include a picture of the new guitar, basically it's the same as the other Alvarez I traded in, only with a cutaway and a pickup for live play...the ring is for the rhythm...circle of trust?
2. I hate my math class.
3. RAing isn't going so hot, I need to do some individual programming...bleh.
4. 15 baby goats have been born in the last 72 hours (two of them have been solid red...which is incredibly rare).
5. Getting really excited about being an uncle.
6. www.myspace.com/hewtylermusic check it out....listen, admit that you are a lover.
7.I rearranged my room to get my bed away from those cold ass windows.
8. Still single...and not by choice. Had something good going for a minute or so, but that's part of what I can't discuss on here....BLAH.

And now a Johnny Cash song for you all

Get Rhythm

Hey, get rhythm when you get the blues
Hey, get rhythm when you get the blues
Yes a jumpy rhythm makes you feel so fine
It'll shake all the trouble from your worried mind
Get rhythm when you get the blues

Little shoeshine boy never gets low down
But he's got the dirtiest job in town
Bendin' low at the peoples' feet
On the windy corner of the dirty street
Well, I asked him while he shined my shoes
How'd he keep from gettin' the blues
He grinned as he raised his little head
Popped a shoeshine rag and then he said

Get rhythm when you get the blues
Hey, get rhythm when you get the blues
It only costs a dime, just a nickel a shoe
Does a million dollars worth of good for you
Get rhythm when you get the blues

Well, I sat down to listen to the shoeshine boy
And I thought I was gonna jump for joy
Slapped on the shoe polish left and right
He took a shoeshine rag and he held it tight
He stopped once to wipe the sweat away
I said you're a mighty little boy to be-a workin' that way
He said I like it with a big wide grin
Kept on a poppin' and he said again

Get rhythm when you get the blues
Hey, get rhythm when you get the blues
Get a rock 'n' roll feelin' in your bones
Get taps on your toes and get gone
Get rhythm when you get the blues

The endless calamity of Saturday

2007-01-20T17:26:00.000-08:00

I went to bed at 5am this morning, not because I couldn't sleep but because I wanted to stay up and talk with Rachel and Danielle, and then when I got to my room I decided I was going to play some guitar.

Naturally I slept until around 11 or so...because I don't require but about 6 hours...

So then began my quest...

I traveled to Target and purchased a swiffer...I'm just tired of the damn floor always looking like shit...seriously. I'm tired of it. I used the swiffer. Already it is better to me. Also at Target, I bought a 12 pack of cokes, some hot pockets, 9volt batteries (B-Batteries)...and a 20 oz. coke...so Mader can get the coke rewards...anyway....when I returned I opened the 9volt batteries and proceeded to suggest that Mader put a brand new one to his tongue. He did. It was sweet. A little bit of a funny moment. I think he regretted it...

I then put the official "Mader-licked 9volt" into my Alvarez RF2oSC...and tuned my guitar....the guitar is now charged with MADERness for complete rocking ability and total kick-assness. I believe the saliva residue of Mader on the 9volt will propel me to FAME...or worse case scenerio...it just becomes all crappy and acidic or something...either way it should be interesting.

Mader went to do something...I can't remember what, but then he was complaining about his cell phone not working correctly. So we went to railroad bazaar's Verizon kiosk...and while there he played a hollow body bass and I played a Guild GAD-30RASB, I was pretty impressed with the guitar but not the guitar's strings. Anyway, those chodes at railroad sent us packing to another verizon place on down the road (but not before Mader got two double stackers from BK)---well, we went to this mythical verizon place....and could not locate it. We drove all around Target's shopping center. Finally we ended up at Circuit City's kiosk and couldn't hear because of the BASS in the store...and I wasn't happy about it so, I let Crystal the kiosk girl know about my unhappiness. NOT COOL for me to do but it was kinda funny. She told us where to go and this time we found it. It was hidden in the corner down below 72 and behind "Babies-R-US"--and impossible to find if you didn't know exactly where to go. So we found it and went in, and they kept his phone and by this time I'm hungry for BK too...and that's what we do, there's a BK right across the road from this place...and I get food....and get annoyed by a young kid wanting me to buy donuts for a fund raiser with cash that I don't have. I asked him if he took debit and he asked me what debit was....

Traffic was really bad, but I wanted batteries (B-batteries) for the Keyboard to try out some of the percussion beats on it with my guitar playing...and we ended up at Walgreens, where I saw a "Club" on the steering wheel of this like...93 Acura Integra or some shit...it was ridiculous. I got the batteries....Mader got an envelope and we discussed mailing a Hershey Bar to McGuill college in Canada...AMERICANA BITCHES. But in the end, Mader decided he'd eat the chocolate and almonds and just send the school a graduate school application instead. SHIT. I knew he didn't have any guts.

So now I'm at the Bevil Center using the internet because RES NET FLOSSES WITH ASS HAIR, and I was going to do my homework but I can't until I take the section 1.1 quiz which can only be taken at the library...BULLSHITNESS.

BLEH....maybe it's time for another meal.

This is not what I've become but what you made me into...

2007-01-18T22:38:00.000-08:00

"I am not going to depend on anything but myself." -J.Frey

It is about 11:45pm, and I see this...then I go run...now it's 12:45am...and I don't think I'll be sleeping tonight.

"Where's my ring?"

---Where's your committment?----

"The Trees Get Wheeled Away" (Bright Eyes) [the bold parts are for Lindsey]

Anchormen spike their blood
Wear masks of mud
Cucumbers cut to fit their eyes
And so no one would know how tired they've grown
Of talking and telling their lies

While your tvs change stations scroll messages
Victims and Christians both drinking blood
And they pray for the destruction of all hatred
More often just those with hate for us

Cause it hurts when you discover one's worse and one's better
To suffer or cause others to
And you can live by your conscience
Now guilt is a concept
You're no longer subscribing to

There's a virgin in my bed
And she's taking off her dress
I don't know what I am gonna do
There's a song stuck in my head
And I can't help singing it
Oh how I hope my singing pleases you
Cause this is not who I've become
But what you made me into

Oh we got no health insurance
No cellular service
No disease they can cure
But we need more money to burn
So each person must learn the dollar amount they are worth

And your pills make me dizzy
Forgetting my body
I watch as it walks away
And I just keep drinking the poison
And smoking the cartons
a pack and a half a day

So when time comes to claim me
My friends and my family will gather around my grave
And they'll believe that they knew me and loved me and missed me
And all call me by my name

So imagine what you want
And then hold on to that thought
Cause that's as close as it will ever come
and believe you're where you are
just keep acting out the part
but at the end of the day the trees all get wheeled away
and you'll be standing alone in a blank blank space

so believe you're who you are
and just stay in character
but at the end of the play the audience walks away
and you'll be shivering cold on a well lit stage

And this affects me how?

2007-01-14T13:32:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I really miss the opportunity for the social life I'm missing out on. One would think that being a RA would help someone meet people...and it does. I meet people when they misbehave and break the rules. They don't see me as a fun person. They see me as the uncool authority figure that's going to get them into trouble. I just wish they realized that it is completely up to them whether they get into trouble or not. I don't hold a gun to their head and say, "Hey break the rules."---Anyway...that's just a thought I've been having these nights alone in my room with the pager, or out and about with the pager while everyone else is having fun. Just that every now and then it'd be cool to be able to have fun at a party on campus or off campus and meet some douchebags and some girls that aren't really cool anyway but seem cool because alcohol is involved.

*sigh* such is the burden of the student-leader.

There's gonna come a day

2007-01-03T12:13:00.000-08:00

Do you think I do not know
When I am forgotten
I know where you go
When you're not here
You are there
When you're not with me or them
When you're not around
You are with him
Do you think that I stop living
That I cease to breathe
When you are not around
No, I don't give it or you a second thought
I go on walking
I go on doing
I stroll out staining
The surface of the river with paddle swirls
I do as I please
I am not beholden to you
Others go on kneeling
But I've got my head above that crowd
Others go on believing
The shit you lie aloud
Me, I know better
You are no prophet
You are no saint
You don't know any Hell
Supposedly you're Heaven
And I've come to know Purgatory well
So keep your trinkets and kind words
Keep your thoughts to yourself
I'm not hearing them
I'm not seeing you any more
I will not be forced
I refuse to believe
I will not practice this religion you're selling
I will not be deceived
I've got your back pocket
I've got your last night's dream
I've got all you're looking for
Topped with peach schnopps and cream
Put your assets in an envelope
And mail them to your mom
Pack your boots and your room up
Stop faking that you're blonde
I'm not like I was before
There's no refuge for you here anymore

Fer Her...

2006-12-30T16:47:00.000-08:00

I wrote this poem a couple of weeks ago...it's the most ridiculous thing ever...

If the stars in the skies unfurled
And came falling to this planet
I'd wish a wish a million times
And pray those stars would grant it
If the oceans came crashing in
And the sea swept all away
I would swim the sea so desolate
No regard to predator or prey
If all the money in the world
Could buy all but her love
I'd not accept a single cent
No matter if push came to shove
If she threw herself down a mountain
I would tuck and roll after
I would try to save her life
From collision and disaster
There is nothing I would not do
Just to see her smile
Walk out in a cold, hard rain
And disregard it mile after mile
I’d climb a mountain to peer the plain
As far as the horizon goes
To see my love, my life, my everything
In a field of thorns, my rose

The Ache of Holiday

2006-12-30T06:46:00.000-08:00

I'm going to gripe a little.

I went home. I left home. I was there from the 21st until the 27th...and I just couldn't take any more. I don't know why my parents were so strange this time. I couldn't go anywhere or do anything without telling them a million different things about what I was doing. I'm serious. I couldn't go from the couch to the kitchen without being bombarded by the parental questions: "where are you going?" "When will you be back?" "Why are you going?" "Who will be there?" etc....
And I find it interesting that they hardly ever ask the cool parental questions like "do you need money?" (Don't get me wrong. I love my parents, but I'm 24 years old and haven't lived at home for 6 years. I'm pretty well used to doing as I please without explaining myself.)

It was okay for the first couple of days. Then I started going stir crazy. Not to mention I was put out of my room by everyone else but me...I've always had to give up my room for the holidays. It makes me feel unwelcome, like a hermit...or skanky homeless man. I mean what kind of message does that send to your son if every time he's home for Christmas you always give his room to someone else? Just because he's your son, does that give you license to put him in a room over the garage with no heat? Normally this room is just as comfortable as any other room. The only reason the other people get to be in the house and in my room is because of the bathroom being closer. I'm sorry that old people have to go to the bathroom more often...but it is no big deal to walk the 50 feet from the room over the garage to the bathroom. Why then, you ask is it a big deal for me to complain about it? I'll tell you why. Every year for the past six years I've been put out and inconvienenced. It'd be nice if every now and then I got to sleep in my own room during the holidays. It'd make me feel more at home and more welcome at home. The result of this is that I just don't feel at home there anymore. In the room over the garage I get no privacy, no respect...6am people come up there to use the computer. They don't knock, and they certainly don't care that I'm still asleep.

When my aunt and uncle come to visit, my mother becomes a different person. It's like there are two aunt Helens. Her mannerisms change, her tone of voice changes...it's just weird. They play cards at the kitchen table, and my mom actually goes shopping...she'll also go out to eat like 4 nights in a row when normally if that is proposed she thinks it is a ludicrous idea. See, it would never happen...ever. Except when aunt Helen is here. Now, I guess I should explain that aunt Helen is a nice woman, very kind and loving...but I hate it when my mother becomes her. "Just be who you are, that's what's really cool"

The other thing about being home is that everyone I run into or interact with asks me what I'm doing...and then I have to explain what I do. "RA? What's that?"--and boy, that becomes a conversation. My typical response is "I'm a glorified babysitter," which I know is a lie...but it gets the conversation over quickly enough. It's so painful to explain my life's journey since high school to people that weren't a part of it to begin with. I don't know why I even bother. I think I'm just going to start telling lies. "Well, after high school I went up to Washington state and did some logging for a while...but that didn't pan out so I became a hand on an off-shore oil rig."---just crazy shit like that.

The only cool thing I really did while I was home was build this huge ass fire. This first picture is of the wood piled up. It was really damp outside and I didn't have anything to start it with...I was pretty sure it was never going to happen....but then...twenty foot flames...and I was dancing around like a crazy man...hell yes. The other cool thing that happened while I was home was that I got this guitar in a pawn shop. I spent the majority of a day cleaning it up and changing the strings. You wouldn't believe the filth that came off of that thing. The guitar itself was a little banged up, but I saw potential....and a good deal. I also found an even better deal on a Marshall Amp while I was there. So I got both of them. This gave me a lot to do and kept me entertained for countless hours of being pissed off at the world. I learned some AC/DC riffs, and even one entire song. "Rock-n-Roll Ain't Noise Pollution"---I was extremely excited. I'm not much of an electric guitar player but I'm working on it.

So there's kind of an update of what's going on with me. I'm back in Huntsville now....but I have to go to Scottsboro again for another family Christmas party today.

"Once more into the breech..."

The life I've saved twice

2006-12-16T09:05:00.000-08:00

Interestingly enough, the life I saved 3 years ago, decided it was time to put itself in the same predicament...on the anniversary of the previous occurence as well...irony? I think not. I believe the "Finals" system in place at most major universities drives students insane. I believe the stress is more than the average mind can bear--which pushes kids to do stupid things, like drinking themselves to near death experiences. This is naturally unpleasant for an RA, who must sit up with these people throughout the night and make sure they don't drown in their own vomit.

I hate finals. The following is a list of why.

1. Teachers: "Let's forget about the other 5 finals you have and just focus on mine because it's going to be the hardest shit you've ever had." (now multiply that statement by 5 teachers) What do we have? 5 incredibly hard tests with little time to prepare for any of them.
2. Students don't really remember any of the stuff they cram into their head before finals...it is put in the temporary storage and then thrown away when the alcohol and the holidays set in.
3. The stress is so great, and the demand on the individual so high that people don't sleep, and then rush through the tests because they've been beating the information into their heads for sleepless hours.
4. Finals cause wrecks. They cause accidents. They end lives. They ruin academic careers. They break up relationships. Finals are cancer.
5. 5 comprehensive tests in two weeks is too much.

I hope you've enjoyed my reasons.

Thanksgiving...on the homestead

2006-11-23T11:35:00.000-08:00

Let's set up the scene here...There is turkey frying in peanut oil out in the yard. Father and Brad are sitting around in folding chairs beside it. Uncle Eugene has out crow decoys in the upper pasture, while his GMC Jimmy is parked under the trees with the speakers turned up playing CROW calls. He has his Charles Daly ready, locked...loaded. *POW* *POW*---but he missed. Brian and Kenzie are riding four-wheelers. Mom is cooking. Later on Brad, Brian, Mandy, and me play frisbee golf or FROLF what have you...the food is not done until 1pm. Damn.

A Tribute to All Things Bessima

2006-09-12T15:57:00.000-07:00

First of all, I feel it necessary to explain who the Bessima is. The Bessima is my dear friend Ms. Kelsey who is betrothed to my pal Mr. Nick (A.K.A. Alfred). The Bessima hails from Hatton, AL and as of today is 22 years of age. She is small in stature but big in heart. The Bessima loves to cook. She will cook up a storm...I mean anything you could imagine...she probably cook it better than most. She is the belle of the ball. A southern beauty if ever there was one. Once a spectator of a Hatton softball game observed and remarked of the Bessima, "Man who is that vision out there on that field, I must have me a look-see. She run and jump like no other, and her beauty I have never before seen matched." Besides her obvious physical beauty the Bessima has many other fine attributes, such as her ability to call upon rain at any given time with her CHEROKEENESS. She can also predict the pattern of storms (case in point my fourth of july post of 2006). It is a commonly known fact that the Bessima can outwit, outshoot, outcook, outfish, outhunt, out-anything better than just about anyone on this earth. She has unlimited powers of manipulation. Stan Lee once said of The Bessima: "I would make a comic book about her story, if I thought she wouldn't kick my ass over it." The Bessima is an excellent driver as well, though her seat is far forward, let it not fool you, Ricky Bobby said of the Bessima, "We were comin' around that back corner there and I was waitin for my buddy to sling shot me around the Bessima but there was no getting around that little lady in the #207 Strawberry Shortcake/My Little Pony Car." You can catch her tooling around Huntsville in her Alero. I'm gonna finish up now with some Bessima facts.

1. The Bessima is not short, she is merely crouched in anticpation of pouncing on her prey.
2. One time the Bessima wrestled a 6 foot alligator in a 4 square foot elevator. She now has some alligator skin luggage, and shoes to match.
3. The Bessima uses a stepstool only because she doesn't want to make others jealous of her ability to fly.
4. The powers of MANIPULATION that the Bessima possesses are exceedingly more intense than those of the Jedi-mind trick.
5. The Bessima doesn't wait, you wait on the Bessima.
6. The Bessima once killed a predatory deer with nothing but a coke tab, a rubber band, and country-girl initative.
7. If the Bessima were given two eggs, some peanut butter, 5 slices of bread, and a banana, you bet she'd make one hell of a meal...but not for Nick Hensley.
8. One time Bessima instructed an innocent bystander to hold an apple on his head. She then took a bow and arrow and shot the man in the foot. The man cried out, "what did you do that for?" The Bessima said, "Let that be a lesson to the rest of you who don't think I can shoot somebody in the foot just for spite."
9. The Bessima sings like the summer rain on a tin roof.
10. If you were to take a venomous asp and drop it in a vat of Bessima tears, you'd have a dead asp.
11. The Bessima beat the shit out of Little Debbie and then used Sara Lee's face to whipe up the mess.
12. The Bessima makes pound cakes, the ingredients: her fist, your face.

I don't think so....SCOOTER.

2006-08-29T16:01:00.000-07:00

So classes started last week and I'm a little less than happy about going to them. I messed up and over slept missing the second day of weight training. BLAH. It's like I hear my alarm go off and I'm like "I don't think so SCOOTER." Scooter is my alarm clock's name. Yeah, I'm not so great at naming things. So in this one class I have to read 13 books this semester. I've already read one of them "Billy Budd" by Herman Melville (wrote Moby DICK, maybe you've heard of him). Anyway, after that excrutiating experience...I'm moving on to "Frankenstein" by Mary Shelley...ROCK-N-ROLL. I already like it more than Mr. Budd. I've been on a water kick lately. I'm just really enjoying water...and the candy bowl in my boss's office. DAMN...I think I'm gonna be sick. That's where I am now. Doing office hours, eating candy...blogging. I'm so lame...I'm never gonna get anywhere in life. It's like I'm destined to be a midget carnival worker living off the cabbage dropped by the animal feeding areas. This is not even good cabbage. I'd do better to eat hog slop. Rantings and ravings...I'm full of them. I'm full of shit too. I'm pretty happy with myself. Not everyone can have this kind of honesty and humor in regard to themselves. ...so yeah...and about my previous post. I have to let a little bit of the personal life through...to keep this superb blog a little more human than hum-orous. Somewhere between the jokes about 8 year olds, prison shanks, and kicking people in the throat there's a good person...occaisionally I let him out to play...but for the most part...I keep him DOWN....on your mom.

I literally just heard "you trippin" out at the desk. What does that mean anyway...man? Most people don't know. I don't. I guess it's about drugs. EFFIN druggies...

Hey, do you ever think about the keebler elves...like what do they do when they aren't on TV making cookies? I don't know. I like to think they walk down the road, and don't nobody know where they are goin. Not even the elves.

I've been reading this article in like a two month old edition of rolling stone about the ECO-RADICALS...and they are "E.L.F.s" too. Although I don't think they fully grasp that the things they do, hurt their cause...all that work just to be some of the most wanted by the FBI. I don't get it. But then again, I'm not really reading the article all the way through. I'm about half-through it...I'm only reading it on the toilet. Yeah, fun stuff.

Ok kids, I think I'm done here.

This is for James

2006-08-10T19:59:00.000-07:00

Somewhere in England June 5th, 1944

Be seated.

Men, this stuff that some sources sling around about America wanting out of this war, not wanting to fight, is a crock of bullshit. Americans love to fight, traditionally. All real Americans love the sting and clash of battle.

You are here today for three reasons. First, because you are here to defend your homes and your loved ones. Second, you are here for your own self respect, because you would not want to be anywhere else. Third, you are here because you are real men and all real men like to fight. When you, here, every one of you, were kids, you all admired the champion marble player, the fastest runner, the toughest boxer, the big league ball players, and the All-American football players. Americans love a winner. Americans will not tolerate a loser. Americans despise cowards. Americans play to win all of the time. I wouldn't give a hoot in hell for a man who lost and laughed. That's why Americans have never lost nor will ever lose a war; for the very idea of losing is hateful to an American.

You are not all going to die. Only two percent of you right here today would die in a major battle. Death must not be feared. Death, in time, comes to all men. Yes, every man is scared in his first battle. If he says he's not, he's a liar. Some men are cowards but they fight the same as the brave men or they get the hell slammed out of them watching men fight who are just as scared as they are. The real hero is the man who fights even though he is scared. Some men get over their fright in a minute under fire. For some, it takes an hour. For some, it takes days. But a real man will never let his fear of death overpower his honor, his sense of duty to his country, and his innate manhood.

Battle is the most magnificent competition in which a human being can indulge. It brings out all that is best and it removes all that is base. Americans pride themselves on being He Men and they ARE He Men. Remember that the enemy is just as frightened as you are, and probably more so. They are not supermen.

All through your Army careers, you men have bitched about what you call "chicken shit drilling." That, like everything else in this Army, has a definite purpose. That purpose is alertness. Alertness must be bred into every soldier. I don't give a fuck for a man who's not always on his toes. You men are veterans or you wouldn't be here. You are ready for what's to come. A man must be alert at all times if he expects to stay alive. If you're not alert, sometime, a German son-of-an-asshole-bitch is going to sneak up behind you and beat you to death with a sockful of shit! There are four hundred neatly marked graves somewhere in Sicily, all because one man went to sleep on the job. But they are German graves, because we caught the bastard asleep before they did.

An Army is a team. It lives, sleeps, eats, and fights as a team. This individual heroic stuff is pure horse shit. The bilious bastards who write that kind of stuff for the Saturday Evening Post don't know any more about real fighting under fire than they know about fucking! We have the finest food, the finest equipment, the best spirit, and the best men in the world. Why, by God, I actually pity those poor sons-of-bitches we're going up against. By God, I do.

My men don't surrender, and I don't want to hear of any soldier under my command being captured unless he has been hit. Even if you are hit, you can still fight back. That's not just bull shit either. The kind of man that I want in my command is just like the lieutenant in Libya, who, with a Luger against his chest, jerked off his helmet, swept the gun aside with one hand, and busted the hell out of the Kraut with his helmet. Then he jumped on the gun and went out and killed another German before they knew what the hell was coming off. And, all of that time, this man had a bullet through a lung. There was a real man!

All of the real heroes are not storybook combat fighters, either. Every single man in this Army plays a vital role. Don't ever let up. Don't ever think that your job is unimportant. Every man has a job to do and he must do it. Every man is a vital link in the great chain. What if every truck driver suddenly decided that he didn't like the whine of those shells overhead, turned yellow, and jumped headlong into a ditch? The cowardly bastard could say, 'Hell, they won't miss me, just one man in thousands.' But, what if every man thought that way? Where in the hell would we be now? What would our country, our loved ones, our homes, even the world, be like? No, Goddamnit, Americans don't think like that. Every man does his job. Every man serves the whole. Every department, every unit, is important in the vast scheme of this war. The ordnance men are needed to supply the guns and machinery of war to keep us rolling. The Quartermaster is needed to bring up food and clothes because where we are going there isn't a hell of a lot to steal. Every last man on K.P. has a job to do, even the one who heats our water to keep us from getting the 'G.I. Shits.'

Each man must not think only of himself, but also of his buddy fighting beside him. We don't want yellow cowards in this Army. They should be killed off like rats. If not, they will go home after this war and breed more cowards. The brave men will breed more brave men. Kill off the Goddamned cowards and we will have a nation of brave men. One of the bravest men that I ever saw was a fellow on top of a telegraph pole in the midst of a furious fire fight in Tunisia. I stopped and asked what the hell he was doing up there at a time like that. He answered, 'Fixing the wire, Sir.' I asked, 'Isn't that a little unhealthy right about now?' He answered, 'Yes Sir, but the Goddamned wire has to be fixed.' I asked, 'Don't those planes strafing the road bother you?' And he answered, 'No, Sir, but you sure as hell do!' Now, there was a real man. A real soldier. There was a man who devoted all he had to his duty, no matter how seemingly insignificant his duty might appear at the time, no matter how great the odds.

And you should have seen those trucks on the rode to Tunisia. Those drivers were magnificent. All day and all night they rolled over those son-of-a-bitching roads, never stopping, never faltering from their course, with shells bursting all around them all of the time. We got through on good old American guts.

Many of those men drove for over forty consecutive hours. These men weren't combat men, but they were soldiers with a job to do. They did it, and in one hell of a way they did it. They were part of a team. Without team effort, without them, the fight would have been lost. All of the links in the chain pulled together and the chain became unbreakable.

Don't forget, you men don't know that I'm here. No mention of that fact is to be made in any letters. The world is not supposed to know what the hell happened to me. I'm not supposed to be commanding this Army. I'm not even supposed to be here in England. Let the first bastards to find out be the Goddamned Germans. Someday I want to see them raise up on their piss-soaked hind legs and howl, 'Jesus Christ, it's the Goddamned Third Army again and that son-of-a-fucking-bitch Patton.' We want to get the hell over there." The quicker we clean up this Goddamned mess, the quicker we can take a little jaunt against the purple pissing Japs and clean out their nest, too. Before the Goddamned Marines get all of the credit.

Sure, we want to go home. We want this war over with. The quickest way to get it over with is to go get the bastards who started it. The quicker they are whipped, the quicker we can go home. The shortest way home is through Berlin and Tokyo. And when we get to Berlin, I am personally going to shoot that paper hanging son-of-a-bitch Hitler. Just like I'd shoot a snake!

When a man is lying in a shell hole, if he just stays there all day, a German will get to him eventually. The hell with that idea. The hell with taking it. My men don't dig foxholes. I don't want them to. Foxholes only slow up an offensive. Keep moving. And don't give the enemy time to dig one either. We'll win this war, but we'll win it only by fighting and by showing the Germans that we've got more guts than they have; or ever will have. We're not going to just shoot the sons-of-bitches, we're going to rip out their living Goddamned guts and use them to grease the treads of our tanks. We're going to murder those lousy Hun cock suckers by the bushel-fucking-basket.

War is a bloody, killing business. You've got to spill their blood, or they will spill yours. Rip them up the belly. Shoot them in the guts. When shells are hitting all around you and you wipe the dirt off your face and realize that instead of dirt it's the blood and guts of what once was your best friend beside you, you'll know what to do!

I don't want to get any messages saying, 'I am holding my position.' We are not holding a Goddamned thing. Let the Germans do that. We are advancing constantly and we are not interested in holding onto anything, except the enemy's balls. We are going to twist his balls and kick the living shit out of him all of the time. Our basic plan of operation is to advance and to keep on advancing regardless of whether we have to go over, under, or through the enemy. We are going to go through him like crap through a goose; like shit through a tin horn!

From time to time there will be some complaints that we are pushing our people too hard. I don't give a good Goddamn about such complaints. I believe in the old and sound rule that an ounce of sweat will save a gallon of blood. The harder WE push, the more Germans we will kill. The more Germans we kill, the fewer of our men will be killed. Pushing means fewer casualties. I want you all to remember that.

There is one great thing that you men will all be able to say after this war is over and you are home once again. You may be thankful that twenty years from now when you are sitting by the fireplace with your grandson on your knee and he asks you what you did in the great World War II, you WON'T have to cough, shift him to the other knee and say, 'Well, your Granddaddy shoveled shit in Louisiana.' No, Sir, you can look him straight in the eye and say, 'Son, your Granddaddy rode with the Great Third Army and a Son-of-a- Goddamned-Bitch named Georgie Patton!'

That is all.

Things I've Come to Hate Most

2006-08-04T17:34:00.000-07:00

1. Spoiled milk...in my mouth.
2. People who are all talk and no action.
3. People who will say one thing, and then remember saying everything but that one thing.
4. People that lie. LIARS. Go to hell you fucking liars.
5. People that string me along pretending to be my friend for years and years, and say they want to come see me all summer long, and go as far to say when they are going to come see me...and then...don't...I mean it's okay if there's a legitimate excuse that takes one out of state, but it isn't cool to say one thing...and do another. That makes one a liar. Go to hell you fucking liars.
6. *name deleted by blogger*. He sucks. He is the suckiest suck that ever sucked if a suck did suck. Fuck you *name deleted by blogger*, and go to hell.
7. Desk Assistants, specifically the incompetent ones.
8. Dr. Pepper. Go to hell Dr. Pepper.
9. Linen.
10. idleness.
11. The beach. Everyone goes there...except me.
12. Milfoil.
13. television....there is never anything worth watching.
14. People that don't call you back when you call and are genuinely concerned about them and their well being.
15. The bitches...they ain't shit.
16. Weddings.
17. Sobriety.
18. People falling and breaking their hips.
19. Blogging. I'm tired of writing in this blog.
20. False friends....they are worse than bitter enemies.
21. Words not matching actions.
22. Gas prices.
23. Laura Chambers.
24. Thunderstorms
25. The stars.
26. Clouds.
27. Sunshine.
28. Pressure.
29. Eyedrops.
30. the cafeteria.
31. The whole way that campus works ingeneral.
32. Campus.
33. Vehicles.
34. Books.
35. Phonies.
36. Lists.

With an Achin' in His Heart, and a Determination on His Mind...

2006-08-01T14:36:00.000-07:00

Alfred hadn't asked Bessima on a real date in upwards of a year... one had to suspect something...It was with much joy that I harassed Bessima all friday long last friday...doing all kinds of gestures with my left ring finger, such as scratching my face, or just pointing at it. I did this because I suspected Alfred would propose...I had no idea how on the money I was. And so, I felt a little bad for getting Bessima's hopes up....especially when during dinner at Luciano's she kept saying to the Alfred "So when are we gonna go on a good date?"...."No I mean a REALLY GOOD DATE."--And poor Alfred (seriously poor now...he gotta be...ain't you seen that ring?)...poor Alfred shakin his head sayin, "oh Bessima, I just haven't had the time to go shopping for anything...and I still don't have the money...I just wanted to take you out somewhere nice for a change."---What a master of delivery, a cunning actor, a stealthy ninja of romance the Alfred proved to be...for when the two lovers reached the park, the Bessima was thoroughly convinced there would be no such shiny element placed on her finger on such evening...and when she least suspected it...the Alfred with an achin' in his heart and a determination on his mind, laid his life, hopes, and joys at Bessima's feet, and asked her to be his wife. The Bessima, never taken aback but always one to hope for REALLY GOOD DATE surprises tenderly, gracefully, and lovingly accepted.

Congratulations to Mr. Alfred Hensley and the future Mrs. Alfred Hensley on their victorious endeavors. I say a meeting with the Captain is in order.

4th of July...

2006-07-05T08:43:00.000-07:00

A disappointing turnout to say the least. However the people that did come I believe had fun inspite of our little rain shower....I don't get that...it doesn't rain here for 5 weeks and then the day it's gonna be fireworks...RAIN. I don't get that at all. But we needed the rain so I'm okay with it I guess.

People in attendance:
1. Alfred
2. Bessima
3. Dani

Of course there were numerous others of my parent's friends and Brian's crew...whatever. Alfred and Bessima arrived shortly before 6:30 and we commenced the eating of foods. Twas round two for me. I thought I was gonna die grilling all those hotdogs yesterday. Turned out we didn't need quite as many as we thought. It was so dang hot by that grill. I only dropped one the whole time. Rascal got it and then I felt bad because Snickers didn't get one so I gave her one. ...and Rascal promptly stole it from her. Rascal is a little too big for his britches I think. He's got this thing about jumping on people. He needs to cut it out. He jumped on me this morning and I didn't mean to knock him down only to put him down...but he hit the porch with a thud. Anyway, we ate and then a little while later Dani showed up. It was a little after the rain shower. Dani ate while I played the Bessima some songs (it was the only opportunity I got because some showboat was on my guitar all day and evening). Then we drove the jeep out there by the garden and watched some fireworks. Dani and I sat on the hood while Alfred and Bessima sat in the cockpit (yes, the jeep is actually a jet). I ate popcorn...and we all stunk of REPEL whipes. During the fireworks Bessima found some crazy cheesy station playing the strangest patriotic music. So we started listening to that. It was loads of fun. When the fireworks were done, we drove down the hill on some 4x4 action...to John Wayne speaking truths about America: "Our loggers clearing our natural forrests, Ella Fitzgerald singing GOD BLESS AMERICA."...etc....it was the most American tribute ever. And John Wayne...what a man's man speaking on America.

I have to say it's better than sitting at Goosepond with the rednecks goin "Ah luv 'mairca...dese colars ain't run"--yeah...anyway, I had better go I'm gonna have lunch with Andrew and Sarah Hodges.

Sidenotes:
1. Alfred: Oh man check out that catfish, it's huge.
Bessima: Looks like it's dead.
Me: nah man, it's just playin, poke it with the stick there.
Alfred: I don't man, looks like it's been there a while.
Bessima: Well it don't smell like it.
Me: Shoot, that things big, it probably got hit by a boat or something.
Bessima: It ain't been dead long. Pull it out of there and I'll take a picture like you caught it Nick.
Alfred: Man, no. It's been there a while...first thing to go is it's eyes...
Bessima: It's eyes are there Nick.
Me: I don't know...I bet that storm will blow around us.
Alfred: nope that right eye is gone...look Bessima.
Bessima: Oh yeah, you're right. Hey Matt, reckon we oughta head back to the house...that storm is kinda scary.
Me: Nah, it'll blow around us.
Alfred: That golf cart gonna make it up the hill?
Me: Shoot. yeah.
Alfred & Bessima together: Yeah, shoot.
Bessima: It ain't blowin around us.
Me: Yeah, let's get back to the house.
*And the E-Z Go departed*
2. man, where's the D-tread?
3. Dang that Malissa McDaniel, she did this on purpose.
4. John Wayne's tribute to America
5. danielle's paper towel note to my parents.
6. Dancin by the garden to no music.
7. "Is that goat supposed to be out?"
8. I can't find my cell phone.
9. "I want the bunny rabbit"
10. So does Rascal.
11. Lookout Weed...I know the name.

America, Why I Love Her
by John Wayne

You ask me why I love her? Well, give me time, and I'll explain...
Have you seen a Kansas sunset or an Arizona rain?
Have you drifted on a bayou down Louisiana way?
Have you watched the cold fog drifting over San Francisco Bay?
Have you heard a Bobwhite calling in the Carolina pines?
Or heard the bellow of a diesel in the Appalachia mines?
Does the call of Niagara thrill you when you hear her waters roar?
Do you look with awe and wonder at a Massachusetts shore...
Where men who braved a hard new world, first stepped on Plymouth Rock?
And do you think of them when you stroll along a New York City dock ?
Have you seen a snowflake drifting in the Rockies...way up high?
Have you seen the sun come blazing down from a bright Nevada sky?
Do you hail to the Columbia as she rushes to the sea...
Or bow your head at Gettysburg...in our struggle to be free?
Have you seen the mighty Tetons? ...Have you watched an eagle soar?
Have you seen the Mississippi roll along Missouri's shore?
Have you felt a chill at Michigan, when on a winters day,
Her waters rage along the shore in a thunderous display?
Does the word "Aloha"... make you warm?
Do you stare in disbelief When you see the surf come roaring in at Waimea reef?
From Alaska's gold to the Everglades...
from the Rio Grande to Maine...My heart cries out...
my pulse runs fast at the might of her domain.
You ask me why I love her?... I've a million reasons why.
My beautiful America... beneath Gods' wide, wide sky.

Oh man this is my 100th post...

2006-07-01T17:45:00.000-07:00

I would like to take this moment to thank all of you loyal "Your Face Gives Me the Diarrhea" readers, without your motivation I would not continue to ocassionally write such prolific pieces of garbage at random times for your reading enjoyment.

Seriously, I can't believe the shit that comes out of my mouth sometimes.

I think that the wonderment of the world can be summed up in the swirl of water left behind a paddle stroke. At home in Scottsboro, I am so at ease paddling through the water, enjoying nature. Nature that I don't get to enjoy when I'm at UAH. Don't get me wrong the campus is "lovely" but sometimes I just need some sky, water, trees...and little less pavement. Today has been a good day I guess. I mean I'm alive aren't I? I think so. I might have died yesterday at that doctor's office with that dude clippin his toenails. I don't have to worry about people clipping toenails on the goat farm.

I woke up this morning to the most awesome sound ever in the history of the world....unlike Danielle, who woke up to the sound of the carpeters carpeting the room above hers. HA. No that really sucks for her, I mean it's her birthday and all and she can't even sleep in. All our hard work for a day off and she doesn't get to sleep in. Well, I didn't sleep in either. In fact, I woke up at 8am. Anyway, I packed it up and came to Scottsboro. Planning on spending the night, but now since I'm meeting Bradley at his home in Decatur in the morning, I probably won't. I've spent a good part of the day playing outside. Not really doing much of anything. I helped mom unload the feed for the goats (since the grass is dead). Then I went and saw my Uncle Shawn at the Money Tree (his loan business). It's also a nice putt-putt place. If you're ever in Scottsboro and traveling down Broad Street (AL HWY 279), you should check it out...it's right beside the Pizza Hut and ABC store *wink*. So I hung out with my uncle for a while. We played putt-putt and he told me about his friend that died this morning. ....loss of words....

after I left the Money Tree, I came back home, and I've just been piddling around. I went out in the pasture and picked up golf balls. Then I watered the little trees and started the sprinklers on the yard. Right now I'm sitting on the back porch using wireless internet, and listening to them click...Rascal is rolling around on the porch and Thom the cat is cleaning himself. I should take a shower too. I smell. I didn't get to take the kayak out today. There were too many people on the river because of the holiday weekend. God Bless America.

About my 70th Trip to the Center for Sight

2006-06-30T15:08:00.000-07:00

I'm so tired of going to these checkups for them to tell me that everything is coming along great and my eyes are doing great, and then to tell me to continue to use eyedrops. It isn't even really the appointments and the time with the doctor that annoys me. I get very annoyed at the waiting...and sometimes I even get annoyed at the people that are around me while I'm waiting.

Anyway, there's a waiting room, then you go back and do tests that take like 4 minutes...then you are stuck in another waiting room with a big open ceiling and dividers that are about head high when you sit down. There's also a big screen TV that's ALWAYS on CNN...which is okay, until you've sat there for longer than 30 minutes and you're tired of the corporate news beating you over the head. Today I was particularly annoyed at a 20 minute segment of Larry King Live about Star Jones leaving the view. Like I care anything about Star Jones. DAMN. There were a few things I found very annoying on top of the CNN deal.

In the first waiting area...fat girl in less clothing than she should be in...clutching a bag of SONIC (it is 9:30 in the morning and she's got a ROUTE 44 of something)....we're going to give her the name "Edwina"
Edwina's father seems to have a cold...and I don't mean like the kind where you've just got the sniffles...I'm talking BARRELCHESTED COUGHING UP A LUNG got a cold. And he isn't covering his mouth.
In the second waiting area, Edwina and father were moved back before me but I got the pleasure of sharing this room with them too...and not only them but this (probably 55 but looked 70) lady...she'd done some hard livin. She's got age marks all over her skin, legs, arms, face, and she sounds like she smokes 4 or 5 cartons a day. We'll call her "Chimneylips"
So Edwina's father gets called back, and Edwina and Chimneylips strike up a conversation about of all the billion damn things it could be....BEING TAN. WTF? It was just disgusting.
About the time Edwina and Chimneylips shut up, a middle aged man and woman walk back, they seem like they are dating, and surely aren't married because she starts talking about "Tile or linoleum in her house?" And he's like "tile, totally tile"---but he's the one waiting on the doctor, and he goes back...before me. So middleaged lady is reading a magazine and looks up at me and I can tell she's kinda checkin me out. It was grossly flattering.
But then this guy on the other end of the damn waiting room starts clipping his fingernails...and it's really quiet but all you hear is "CLICK...pause....CLICK...pause" now keep that going for about 20 minutes...and I'm about to go insane. And I say outloud, not looking up from my magazine (sports illustrated) "Sir I don't think it's socially acceptable to clip your nails in public" (dude looked up and said "who said that" but it was obvious cause I'm the only other guy in the waiting room). I didn't reply....I didn't even look up from the magazine. He was so gross and old. We'll call him GRIZZLECLIP. So GRIZZLECLIP looks back down at his hands and decides they're done...so he bends over and starts taking off his shoes. He's going for the toenails. Imagine the grossness I felt when I saw his disgusting old feet and crummy toenails. But the toenails and fingernails are flying everywhere...and he doesn't bother to pick them up. And later on, some were on him and he just brushed them off in the floor. Damn I was annoyed and grossed out.

Finally, after 45 minutes of waiting I am called back. I am with the doctor no longer than 5 minutes. The time it takes to wait, and the time spent with the doctor...somehow it just doesn't equate for me. And as I'm leaving I am thinking..."how much of my short life have I spent waiting on stupid fucks?"--I don't know...but I'm sick of it. Then another question came to mind...how much of my life have I spent waiting period. I've repeatedly waited for girls that sometimes care a lot for me, but most times care nothing for me at all. So what's the point. I'm through waiting. I'm not waiting anymore. I am instituting a no waiting policy. I'm done with drama too. I'm just I'm done. To all you drama queens out there, you're done. It's over. Deal. Move on. just...just deal. And part of dealing is shutting up about it. No, I don't care about the last boy that hurt you, I don't care about the one that's hurting you now, and I don't care about the one that's going to hurt you when you don't choose to be with me...because it's vicious...and it's a downward spiral of stupidity and frailty. AND WE ARE ALL FRAIL...so just deal. I am hardened...cold, callous now. There's not a lot that a girl could say that would surprise me..."and did you hear about this? Can you believe he did that?"--yeah, I was thinking of doing the same thing...10 minutes ago...

Damn. I need a drink.

CA duty is WAY harder than RA duty...

2006-06-25T13:59:00.000-07:00

Let's take RA duty...you have a pager and you respond to residents in two areas. North II, and Southeast...now that sucks if you have to do a lockout or fire alarm at 3 in the morning. But that's about the worst thing that's going to happen during the summer really...being realistic here.

Now during the year, you have a pager, you do a duty weekend twice, three times a semester depending on the size of your staff. And you have one duty night a week...once again depending on the size of your staff. You're responsible for one area. Big deal. The people in that specific area actually live there and have a working knowledge (hopefully) of the environment, and city. I mean dude, they go to school there. So they don't have questions all the time. Sometimes, but not all the time. They adjust, sink or swim...learn to float...whatever. They do this because they have the time to do this.

Now, let's take CA duty. You have a pager once every two weeks, and a duty weekend once during the summer. OH BUT IT'S HELL. You have three areas. Lockouts, stupid people, drunk teachers...and they all have the same questions week in and week out. And they all WANT something...like this is the fucking HILTON or something...Ritz-Carlton my ass...well, forget that shit. And when you have duty, you hold the pager from 9am to 9am...there's none of this 5pm to 8am bullshit. This makes weekends really long...because you hold the pager and deal with 300 needy people from 9am Friday morning to 9am Monday morning. AND YOU CAN'T GO ANYWHERE...and all it takes is you laying down to sleep...and BEEEE BEEE BEEEE BEEEEP...the NEMESIS.

Anyway, I'm just griping.

If I have to fold another piece of linen in the next two days I'm going to shoot people. I mean there are going to be murders.

Thirteen dollars and fifty cents...

2006-06-12T07:28:00.000-07:00

The library wants their money. The library can deal. And part of dealing is shutting up about it.

Damn it. Just damn it. There's got to be some kind of resolution.

So, here we are no one else...I drove Danielle to Scottsboro for a change in routine, because we never leave this damn campus...and we got the day off. I didn't replace anyone. How can anyone be replaced? If you put another person in someone's place...they aren't the same as that person. Everyone is unique, so it's damned pointless to say that you've "been replaced." Fuck that...and fuck you too while we're at it. I don't care. I still don't care...and I'm not gonna care. So deal. And part of dealing is shutting up about it.

Dani and I ate lunch at Payne's with my father, and then we came back to the house to put the boat in. Now, when I say we put the boat in, I'm not saying that we hooked up a motorboat to a trailer and backed it into a river...no. We tied a flatbottom boat with no motor to the back of the tractor and drug it down to the river. We had paddles. We paddled. Through the milfoil. Flash backs of a horrible canoe trip...they forced my hand when infact, my stupid dog...the stupid thing...Rascal...gah...We're about 45 yards out in the river and Rascal comes bounding down the shore, into the water, and swims out to the boat, and proceeds to swim around the boat and will not stop, and won't go back to shore...and we can't lift him into the boat...so I'm scared he's going to drown because well, I'm paranoid about that shit now. So Dani and I start paddling back to shore, and whenever we take a turn, Rascal ends up under the boat. Stupid dog. I was just yelling at him, not in a mean way but like gah, "stupid...you stupid...what are you going to when you can't touch bottom? Do you feel better now? You got us to stop and pay attention to you." But it was cute in a way because he didn't want to be left behind--and I don't blame him. Who wants to be abandoned? We pulled the boat back in. I drug it up the hill through the woods. Dad went to Decatur...Brian was playing video games. Danielle and I watched TV. Then, we finally decided to go rent some movies. While we were out...I picked up some alcohol. Dani doesn't drink...but hell, I was gonna because...I was off campus and well, it just seemed like a good idea at the time. But I can't pay attention through Capote, and I don't remember any of Identity...but we played scrabble too...and Dani and I were both kicking ass. Like 7 words we'd spelled and we were already at 115 and 154...she was winning. Then I got a phone call about being replaced...but it isn't like that. Dani's my friend...and I'm just your 'friend,' and you're 20 damned hours away...and like you've never "replaced" me. You're such a hypocrit. And just because I'm drunk doesn't mean I don't care. And just because the first words out of your mouth are "Joshua is being stupid" and I'm drunk, doesn't mean I care that he's being stupid either. So while I'm at it, fuck it, and fuck him too...because neither of you have done a bit of good for me. And you wanna get mad at me, and talk about being replaced when you replaced me repeatedly so... You know...just fuck it I'm done dealing with this... What right do you have to get pissed at me because I'm having a good time with a friend of mine. And just because I'm typing this doesn't mean I'm not going to regret it either. And just because I know I'm going to regret this doesn't mean I'm not going to post it...because damn it, it's my blog...and I'll write what I damn well choose to write. So deal with that. And I don't want to hear anything about it. If you call me about this and bitch at me...I'm going to bitch at you. And I'm going to hang up. And if you comment about it on here, I'm going to delete it. So deal.

Sidenotes will be added later. Yeah sidenotes, and I dont' care if you think they are stupid. I like them. And this is for me not you.

And Sonny Liston rubbed some tiger balm into his glove

2006-06-01T05:06:00.000-07:00

some things you do for money and some you do for love.

Ah yes, 7:04AM and working the NCRH front desk for the first time in many moons. I find it most strange that at one of the most interesting times of my life I find myself with fewer words than ever imaginable. I can say that the routine is beginning. Run, work, eat, work, run, eat, sleep....somewhere in there I hang out with people. Mostly Danielle. She's hilarious, and is becoming a good friend. As for the running, I just realized that I'm going to have a hard time hitting the amount of miles I want to this week when I have the pager for three days in a row. You can't run with the pager. I was hoping to hit 50 miles this week. Currently, it is Thursday morning and I'm at 22...no big deal, still got friday, saturday, and sunday to run...oh wait, only friday because of the stupid pager. It looks like I'll run 10 miles tonight, and then 10 tomorrow morning, which will only put me at 42 and then maybe someone out of the goodness of their heart will hold the pager...but I doubt it...I wouldn't want to hold the pager to let me run...so I don't see why anyone else would.

My air conditioner went out a week ago. I've been living in a hellish nightmare...it is a constant 81 degrees in my room...morning, noon, and night...no big deal really, except that I sleep there...FUCKING SHIT, it's a HUGE DEAL. I know it's a problem with the whole building and the contractors are supposed to fix it but HOLY LORD, it's been out for a DAMN WEEK! Ok, now I'm dealing. And part of dealing is that you shut up about it.

I hurt my back a little bit while playing volleyball monday. It probably wouldn't be so sore except that after volleyball, I went and ran 10 miles, and then biked three. I haven't been able to go and lift this week and I'm missing some fitness 6:45. I can tell Nick is too. I took tuesday off from running but the dern job had us all moving furniture for about 2 hours...so fat lot of good it did me to not run.

Watched Bottlerocket, and The Big Lebowski last night. It was fantastic.

Old men with fewer teeth than I, in a circle...rocking out.

2006-05-21T11:07:00.000-07:00

So...Friday before last I had an interesting day. I got up at 7:30am and my father and I commenced working in the yard. I burned a pile of old trash/brush, and while doing so dug a hole so mom could plant a tree a little later. Brian and I unloaded about 50 bags of mulch from the trailer, and then I went for a run....six fabulous miles. I came back from the run, took a shower and then began peeling potatoes for the mashed potatoes. Mom cooked chicken fingers. It was good. Then later on John Phillippe and I went to Sonic. I had a cheeseburger and a grape slush. It was good to see John. Hadn't seen him in about 2 years. While we were there, Lacie Mathis and Emily Green came running by and they stopped and talked with us for about 20 minutes. Then I went home. When I got home, Dad was on his way out the door to go play bluegrass. He asked me to go. Normally I say no, but on this evening I didn't really have anything to do, and I knew it would make him happy if I went and played bluegrass music so he could show me off or whatever because let's face it...neither one of my brothers is ever going to play an instrument. And you know, I'm kind of nervous. I mean it isn't that bluegrass is terribly difficult. I just don't normally play that style of music. I mean it isn't hard to play in A and G ALL THE TIME. I just didn't know the songs. Dad assured me it was okay. That there were only going to be 4 other guys there playing and that it was really low-key. Well, we get there and I notice there are a few more than 4 cars there (at the First Baptist Church). We walk into the gym, and there's about 40 people there eating a pot-luck dinner. I look over to the corner and there's a circle of men sitting with instruments....7 or 8 people or so...wow, that's 4 men...well, I got real nervous when I realized there was an audience....and I felt put on the spot. But at this point there's no way out because I rode with Dad, and he ain't leavin...so I didn't say a word. I just got out the RD-8 (my dreadnaught Alvarez) and sat down. Luckily there were 2 other guitar players that were there and knew the songs...so I just watched what they did for the first little bit of each song and then had it down pretty well. But the old man tricked me. He got me to perform with him. Not that I mind...it's just that he could have told me there'd be people there watching. So yeah there's that.

I also began running last week. 32 miles in one week...wow...it amazes me that I ever did 90 miles in a week, three weeks in a row. At this point that much seems like it's impossible. But this week I hit 40 miles (only running 5 days)...so I think I'm getting back on track, even though it really doesn't feel all that great at the moment. We began CA training last monday, and Alfred and I began a new program we will dub "Fitness 6:45"--basically we go and work out three times a week at 6:45 in the morning. I've been getting up at 5am and running before that too. It started to take it's toll about Wednesday...and I didn't get up or run....Thursday too. But youv'e got to do early mornings if you work at 9am...or you've got to do evenings...sometimes you do both and it feels good. Sometimes you do one or the other and it's just miserable.

I'm liking the new crew pretty well. I think we're going to have a good summer together. Maybe it's time for some side notes.

Sidenotes:
1. In approximately a week Leena Lamb will live off campus for the first time I believe since she got here.
2. I've given up Alcohol for a month. My new drink of choice is "FITNESS 6:45"
3. Buffen the guns.
4. "I have to do some warming up." -Alfred
5. "Well, aren't you just the most perfect thing EVER." -Danielle (pieces of April)
6. every journey begins with a single step.
7. "chris and I" - If you don't stop that I'm going to punch you in the face.
8. The G-Factor
9. Mader has returned.
10. Free meal at Beauregards.
11. Dinner at Juan's...it was fabulous. C. Weed cooked the chicken, and my steak. Thankyou sir.
12. Shelby and Lexi just fly off the porch and catch frisbees...so freaking awesome.
13. RASS.
14. J-RUSS.
15. BESSIMA
16. DAY- A.
17. S-BOMB.
18. EDWARD.
19. D-TREAD.
20. Scott "shhh your mom's sleeping in the other room" Royce
21. Juanowen (huanowen)

My air conditioning isn't working.

You say you love me
And you're thinkin' of me,
But you know you could be wrong.
You say you told me
That you wanna hold me,
But you know you're not that strong.
I just can't do what I done before,
I just can't beg you any more.
I'm gonna let you pass
And I'll go last.
Then time will tell just who fell
And who's been left behind,
When you go your way and I go mine.

You say you disturb me
And you don't deserve me,
But you know sometimes you lie.
You say you're shakin'
And you're always achin',
But you know how hard you try.
Sometimes it gets so hard to care,
It can't be this way ev'rywhere.
And I'm gonna let you pass,
Yes, and I'll go last.
Then time will tell just who fell
And who's been left behind,
When you go your way and I go mine.

The judge, he holds a grudge,
He's gonna call on you.
But he's badly built
And he walks on stilts,
Watch out he don't fall on you.

You say you're sorry
For tellin' stories
That you know I believe are true.
You say ya got some
Other kinda lover
And yes, I believe you do.
You say my kisses are not like his,
But this time I'm not gonna tell you why that is.
I'm just gonna let you pass,
Yes, and I'll go last.
Then time will tell who fell
And who's been left behind,
When you go your way and I go mine.

- Bob Dylan
Most Likely (you go your way and I go mine)

yeah....

2006-05-10T06:13:00.000-07:00

Many of you are looking for an update. There isn't much to write about lately. The building closed and I hated the process. Finals are over and I thank God for that. Summer is here and it is about time. Mader went home till the 19th. Lindsey is gone for the summer. I am here....alone...in the building.

The only cool thing that's happened in the past week is that Bessima and Alfred have moved closer. Bessima into the building, Alfred into the adjacent building.

I am working the front desk. It is 8:16 AM, already I have heard more Spanish than I care to hear. This lobby is entirely too crowded and noisey for it being this DAMN early. I swear I might start ending lives.

This one goes out to sweet baby Jared who worked hard on the MCAT today

2006-04-22T20:55:00.000-07:00

I'm not really sure why I did it. I haven't been in shape to do run like that in almost a year, I had only once ran a distance of this magnitude...but it came to me while I was running. Jared asked me to think about him while he was taking the MCAT. So I decided I would run and think about Jared striving for the goal. I decided that for every mile I ran, Jared would get two points on the MCAT. The run began at 4:40AM and lasted till 7:15AM...and truly was a "labor of love." Whatever...I was freaking dying. I have only once run mileage this far all at the same time. When I was 17 I ran 22 miles straight (upset about a lot of things)--This morning I was also upset about a lot of things, and sometimes you just feel like running. It's a very refreshing thing to run before the sun comes up, to see the sun come up, and to keep running after the sun comes up. I ran 23 miles. Jared, this means you had better have a perfect score on the MCAT plus a bonus point. It really wasn't all that bad, I rather enjoyed it. Especially at first. I felt so relaxed and like an engine stroking...gas efficient....like 39 miles to the gallon or something like that...but about mile 13 I started to feel a little tired...seven miles later I was hitting "the wall" that most people hit in marathons...20 miles. Not only was I hitting it, I was hitting about the same time I had to run up a long incline on Holmes avenue. I thought "just another step" the whole way up that hill, and it just kept going. Poor Jared slaving over an MCAT, having brain cramps and bloating/constipation from stress...me, feeling like a car that's been driven well over 200,000 miles...no air conditioner, balding tires....---I hit the wall. I pushed through for another three miles (basically because I had to...I'd come to far to not hit a PR on distance). I hurt and strove...in the rain, then in the humidity...I just wanted to do something to show that I understood the effort Jared has put into this test. I wanted to run a Marathon...I wouldn't have made it. My ass is out of shape. I am amazed I made it 23 miles. My wheels were falling off. When I was done, I couldn't feel my teeth, and I seeing spots. The blood was leaving my head...I was passing out.

I didn't tell everyone initially about the passing out part. I've told many people today about my running excursion...but I omitted the actuality of the passing out. I was in the shower...I don't know how long I was in there...but it wasn't terribly long...a few minutes....but I don't remember them. I woke up on the floor. The water running on my face. I should have eaten before I did anything else...I didn't really think I was going to pass out. I just remember my legs feeling weak, the next thing I know it's a few minutes later.

I got out and made breakfast. Then went to bed.

A few lessons I learned from today's run:
1. Even when you're out of shape you can still run a long way.
2. If you're going to run 23 miles, even if you're an experienced runner...build up to it before you just go out and do it.
3. Sleep before you attempt it.
4. Make sure your shoes are good enough to run on that far (my feet were killing me by the end).
5. Tell someone you're going..and where you're going (I told the front desk I was going to be gone for a very long time, but I didn't say where I was going to...I should have).
6. If your friend is taking an MCAT, support is best served through thoughts and prayers, not dedicating yourself to running into oblivion...
7. Nick's mom really does work on Clinton avenue.

Anyway guys, don't worry about the passing out thing. I'm fine. I was fine. I just picked the wrong time to run, under the wrong circumstances. But I felt like it was a personal quest to support Jared, and I feel that by running the most I've ever run at one time, I did.

Jared, I'm very proud of you and all the accomplishments you've accumulated over the years. Here's to your PERFECT SCORE.

The Kelly Lamb Birthday Extravaganza!

2006-04-22T20:22:00.000-07:00

The conspirating plans of Christopher Edward Weed all came together well Friday night at the ICE PLEX as a good time was had by all and feet were hurting of many....skating for the Lamb. Many people came out in support of the Lamb. Enough that we will call all those in attendance "The Fighting Fearless Lamb Skaters of Tomorrow" (as seen on the carousel of progress). I whussed out cause I was getting a blister but I got a grilled cheese too at the snack bar. MMMM...well, actually it could have been better. Anyway, then we we all packed it up and packed it in...to Tim's Cajun Kitchen. Two shots (Jack) later I was having a good time...Leena and Edward had Crawfish and oysters. I opted for the 12oz ribeye, which was sucky. I was not impressed with their steaks. If only I had a taste for the cajun cuisine they are known for. The Lamb got a special gift with a remote control. I gave her five bucks. HELL YES. Anyway after dinner we all went our seperate ways, Edward and Leena probably back to do some channel flipping with that new remote....Alfred and Bessima back to sleep probably. LAMOs. I went back to LeDeux...yup. I then cleaned my aquarium and stayed up all night. At 4:30AM I decided to go for a run...more to come on that.

And I took a walk to clear my angered mind... (careful this one is vulgar)

2006-04-18T16:35:00.000-07:00

But here's all I found....

I went for a walk to clear my mind but all that happened was that I saw more things that made me more angry than I was when I began walking. I started from North II and walked by Morton Hall. On my way by Morton Hall I was lookin at the ground and kicking whatever I could find around....it's then that I saw some trash and thought to myself "why do people litter?'---I made my way to the U.C. , picked up some booklets about registration (just more stupid crap school for me to go to...great). Then I went to take a leak. There were stickers over the doorways that said "protective area" and I thought: What is that supposed to mean? What's so damn protective about it?----never figured that one out. So I go to wash my hands...no paper towels. GREAT. I leave the restroom and walk down the hallway toward the info desk. I get to the lobby of the U.C. and everyone is just sitting around, and there's John Gifford beside the info desk talking with that stupid girl that's gonna end up hurting him again just like before (then I realized my hypocrisy and stopped those thoughts). He looked at me. I looked at him. My dark sunglasses still on. Didn't say a word. Didn't wave (thought about when I saw Mark W. and Mary C. in the mall and didn't wave at them)---then thought about how much I hate that fuckstick John Gifford....I didn't think it was possible but there is a third person I carry in the same regard as Mary and Mark...John. So...I walked down the stairs to the bookstore to buy a few effects. A card, and a bottle of powerade. I leave the U.C. and I'm walking across the parking lot. I pass a 93 Nissan Maxima, Gold in color (Champagne even) with the words "A DZ loves you" written on the back window. I thought to myself as I passed the car and my papers on registration grazed it: Would this bastard ever know if my papers grazed his car? That I was that close to something he owns or loves...just like the other things he "owns" or "loves"---I pass by it in silence to him. He has no idea I'm ever that close to anything of his....---I also thought about pouring my powerade all over his car, then he'd have to wash that crap off his windows. I thought about it for a few seconds, weighed the options...the costs, the rewards, the risks...decided that it wasn't worth it. What if someone saw me, what if someone told him who did it? Do I want an entire Frat trying to kill me? I decided not. I also decided I'd rather drink the powerade later. As I approached the building some ridiculous fuck that always calls me a douchebag behind my back waved at me. I thought to myself: Why is he waving? I wanted to say: You fucking fuck, why are you fucking waving when you fucking hate my guts and call me a douchebag behind my back?---did I? no. These are things I think when walking. These are random things that piss me off. These are things that make me liken myself to Holden Caufield...and it scares me.

and the days ran into each other...

2006-04-17T18:19:00.000-07:00

I drove 293 miles this weekend....but where did I go? No where. Huntsville...Decatur...Huntsville...Scottsboro....Huntsville...Scottsboro....Huntsville (plus all the driving in the towns and random etc.) It just all ran together...and seemed to be one giant span of time.

RECAP of the weekend------>>-X-C-->

Friday:

Went out to eat at Pizza Hut with Fahey. Then had some whiskey with her. Not much, just enough to relax. Her and I talked for a couple or three hours just shooting the bull. It was pretty cool. Fahey's a cool girl you know. Fahey went home about 10:45 and then Mader, Cody, and I went out in Mader's truck. We drove to A&M and did some donuts in the gravel parking lot beside the track (the original plan was to see if anyone ever actually drank at the track, because there are always mystery beer caps and bottles, and evidence of drinking but we never see people do it)....of course no one was there...so we did the S-10 olympics. After about 5 minutes of that we got bored and left. I hadn't eat a whole lot earlier so we went to Hooters. I wanted a Steak...but Hooters doesn't have steak. So I got chicken. Cause Hooters does have chicken. Anyway after the meal, we came back to North II and called it a night. About 3AM Lindsey called and I talked at her till 3:45 or so. Sleep...

Saturday:

I got up at 6:50am (which sucked after going to sleep at 3:50) to go run with Brad in Decatur. So we ran, Brad used his new GPS gadget that he has been obsessing over for about a month (even before he got it last week). Then Brad and I went to Chic-fil-a for breakfast...and watched the movie "Sideways" while waiting on Mandy to return from Jazzercise. When the movie was over I hit the road back to Huntsville to get ready for my evening with Lindsey. Lindsey and I hung out a little during the day, and then went out to eat. After our meal we went to the park to talk (because the park is the place to go and talk). There were all these people making out and other people harassing the ducks. We didn't stay very long. After the park we headed to Scottsboro because she wanted to go to church with me the next morning. She stayed up late on my laptop while I tried to freaking sleep.

Sunday:
I woke up at 10:09...Church starts at 11...oh crap...no one woke me up? WTF? So anyway I jet downstairs to the basement and wake Lindsey up (the basement is where we keep the undesirables). We made it to church at 11:03...just in time. I got really annoyed though because Lindsey doesn't know proper church behavior. She just kept poking me and harassing me the whole time (I'm only kidding I loved it.)--But what do the people think? "Godless heathens" ---that's what. Anyway after Church we came back to my parents house and changed. We had lunch, Turkey, dressing, slaw, mashed potatoes, fried okra. Lottie even came. Then my dad hid Easter eggs full of money 0r candy (ranging from 1 dollar to 10 dollars)...we couldn't find two of the eggs (48 in all) the two we couldn't find had 5 dollar bills in them. Dad couldn't remember where he hid them. So there's buried treasure on the goat farm...if anyone is interested. There was a prize for whoever found the most eggs. Out of me, Lindsey, Brian, Brad, Mandy. I found 11....and won...by one egg. Lindsey keeps saying I stole her eggs but she's a liar. I came out of the venture with 14 dollars and one cent. YES! Lindsey and I had a great time just riding around on the golf cart screaming "FUN" and driving wrecklessly through the yard...Rascal Pascal Goldwater, III chasing us the whole way. We got some mad air on one of those jumps I tell you. I'm going to miss her when she leaves. She's so much fun.
After the egg hunt, we all counted our loot and then started eating candy. Lindsey and I went and played with the animals for a while...then packed up and headed back to Huntsville for her to study for her Lab practical. Mader and I started watching "the weatherman." I didn't finish it because I went back to Scottsboro to hang out with Leslie. Leslie and I went bowling, I bowled consistently 120,123....then we pretty much just drove around Scottsboro for a while. I got hungry and we stopped at huddle house. I had two grilled cheese and fries. Then we drove around some more and I went home. Leslie is very much fun sometimes. Especially when she gets aggravated while bowling. Cussin in the family fun center...wow.

Nick Hensley Would Be Proud

2006-04-09T20:25:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was an epic battle...an underdog, outmatched, outnumbered with small forces fought off an evil foe...it was much like the Alamo. Of course we lost. Just like the Alamo.

The wind nipped his ears as Simon Lindley stood in the parking lot of the baseball fields at University Park. He and his only love, Ashley were standing in anticipation of more players arriving. Little did they know only five others would show. Seven people was the minimum number of players a team is allowed....any less and there is an automatic forfeit. As I walked up, with five minutes till game time (the third person to arrive) outlook was pretty grim. But soon a studly beast named Ben Balser waltzed on to the pavement accompanied by a determined Christine "Fearless Leader" Sargent. Soon Danielle "Sweet Cheeks" Treadway and Lauren "Crazy Eyes" Miller joined the group. And thus the magnificent seven were formed. By our powers combined we proceeded in the 54 degree overcast weather...there were short bursts of wind, and many feared there would even be rain. Lindley, the ever-calm leader kept the men in line, and Balser kept the ladies two on each arm. We took to the field, fearing the worst and hoping for the best. The first hit was a fly ball to left field. I not having my bearings yet missed the catch barely, as I was not back far enough (I swear it tipped th top of my glove)...the other team flexed it's muscles in the first inning scoring 7 runs. Then it was our turn, three up, three down. We took to the field yet again and proceeded with the game...so on and so forth. Many a splendered catch was made in left field...I was jumping, diving, rolling, sliding, catching...keeping the ball from going past me. Lauren Miller stopped the ball and would throw it on the run. Simon was ever present...shorstopping it....Christine managing second base, with Balser on first, and Ashley on third. We were spread very thin. Inning after inning we held in there, making outs and scoring run after run after run...three in all. Ben Balser knocked one over the fence with his studly swing. "This is how you handle a club" he said as he walked up to the plate. He pointed to the right field fence and let rip his monstrous stroke...devastating the competition that someone so nerdy could also be so athletic and gutsy when it came down to it. Later on, out after out after out between Simon stopping the ball and throwing it to third. We were a cohesive unit. Nick Hensley would have been proud.

The final score was 18-3...oh yeah take that...we so scored on you guys.

Sidenotes:
1. Lauren, you can't run and throw at the same time, your body's kenetics just doesn't want to do it.
2. Danielle, stop worrying about your pants falling down and run to first. A little crack never hurt anyone...it's a lot of crack that will kill.
3. Balser...you are pimp.
4. Simon cold callous...indifferent to the other team's taunts "we want a pitcher not a belly itcher"
5. Chrisitine- keeping it real, never giving up, never giving an inch. It was perhaps the most glorious moment as she scored our first run. Proving we aren't worthless.
6. Ashley making play after play at third, she was spectacular.
7. Many condolences to the Bessima for her poor grandmother. I hope she gets better soon.
8. Nick Hensley would have been proud...Nick Hensley would have stomped his foot and sang a Queen song.
9. BOO TO ALL THE HATERS, BOO TO ALL THE DISBELIEVERS.
10. "Don't hit it to left field!"
11. Good game people.

More Rediculous Ramblings of the Past...

2006-04-09T20:20:00.000-07:00

I missed you

I should hold my tongue

I thought you wouldn't be back

I should hold my tongue

You're beautiful to me

I should hold my tongue

But you've been gone so long

I should hold my tongue

Things haven't been so great

I should hold my tongue

Without you near

I should hold my tongue

I think it must be fate

I should hold my tongue

that's brought you back here

I should hold my tongue

You know what I want

I should hold my tongue

You know what everyone else expects

I should hold my tongue

I've explored other prospects

I should hold my tongue

But I always compare them to you

I should hold my tongue

Can we forgive mistakes?

I should hold my tongue

Can I forget heartbreaks?

I should hold my tongue

I'll do whatever it takes

I should hold my tongue

You should really open your heart this time

I should hold my tongue

Don't be scared to give me a try

I should hold my tongue

I opened mine for you

I should hold my tongue

Don't do what they expect

I should hold my tongue

Don't be afraid to close that door

I should hold my tongue

You left it open too often before

I should hold my tongue

Don't slip back into your trance

I should hold my tongue

I'll say a million words to you in only a glance

I should hold my tongue

I'll give you all the treasure a heart can hold

I should hold my tongue

I'll make sure your feet never get cold

I should hold my tongue

You are everything I dreamed

I should hold my tongue

Love is not a movie scene

I should hold my tongue

I'll show you a world of wonder

I should hold my tongue

One that will match the beauty you possess

I should hold my tongue

But you have to surrender

I should hold my tongue

Let your heart guide your mind

I should hold my tongue

Our fingers intertwined

I should hold my tongue

Cast off any guise of fear

I should hold my tongue

Let me take you away from here

I should hold my tongue

Let me hold you up

I should hold my tongue

When you need to be held

I should hold my tongue

Let me watch you fly

I should hold my tongue

when you need to soar

I should hold my tongue

Let me know your heart

I should hold my tongue

Let you know mine more

I should hold my tongue

Don't do what they expect

I should hold my tongue

Turn your back on that door

I should hold my tongue

Don't leave me in neglect

I should hold my tongue

As you've done before

I should hold my tongue

Don't make me miss you again

I should hold my tongue

Be open with me

I should hold my tongue

I want to hold your hand

I should hold my tongue

I also want to set you free

I should hold my tongue

There's an inbetween that's destiny

I should hold my tongue

For me to be with you

I should hold my tongue

And you to be with me

I should hold my tongue

I will bite my lips

I should hold my tongue

I'll have my stupid quips

I should hold my tongue

I am for you

I should hold my tongue

You are for me

I should hold my tongue

I missed you every day

I should hold my tongue

I never said it

I should hold my tongue

But I think you knew anyway

I should hold my tongue

You crossed my mind

I should hold my tongue

Too often to count

I should hold my tongue

You stayed in my heart

I should hold my tongue

No matter how I tried

I should hold my tongue

To make you get out

I should hold my tongue

I said I don't want you back

I should hold my tongue

It's the only lie I ever told you

I should hold my tongue

I don't deserve you

I should hold my tongue

I've only been lucky enough to hold you

I should hold my tongue

When I see you I melt

I should hold my tongue

I think you know it too

I should hold my tongue

Don't do what they expect

I should hold my tongue

don't leave me and forget

I should hold my tongue

That I always showed you respect

I should hold my tongue

Come back to me

I should hold my tongue

Don't walk away

I should hold my tongue

Come here to me

I should hold my tongue

Listen to the things I say

I should hold my tongue

I've got all the time for you

I should hold my tongue

I don't mind taking it slow too

I should hold my tongue

You are all I've wanted

I should hold my tongue

And I've known for so long

I should hold my tongue

Some day I'll write you a song

I should hold my tongue

That will make you never want to leave

I should hold my tongue

You are amazing

I should hold my tongue

You are everything I dreamed

I should hold my tongue

You are yourself

I should hold my tongue

And that's just fine with me

I should hold my tongue

You can tell me what to do

I should hold my tongue

Sometimes I'll argue

I should hold my tongue

Most times I'll just agree

I should hold my tongue

We're not so different

I should hold my tongue

You and me

I should hold my tongue

I'm no pushover now

I should hold my tongue

I hope you know that

I should hold my tongue

When I say something

I should hold my tongue

I mean it

I should hold my tongue

You are so much more

I should hold my tongue

Than so much is to me

And I'll never hold my tongue

More from long ago...

2006-04-03T22:44:00.000-07:00

I wrote this in June of 2003 while summering in Scottsboro....

THE CASTAWAY

There are waters with you
I promised I would never swim
But lately I've been regretting it all
And I've been thinking of diving in
So I'll give you a moment
To hold your nose
And then I'll take your hand
We'll walk off this lonely shore
Barefoot on the sand

Don't you know we're swimming now
In a sea of irony
You found what you were looking for
I found it wasn't me
Don't you know I'm drowning now
In sadness and mediocrity
And it seems like such a long long time
Since you drifted away from me

Now the sea is getting rough
And I can't tell up from down
IT's been so long since I've had air
I wonder if there's any to be found
Don't you know I'm drowning now
The waves keep crashing down
And I know I'll love you
As long as I'm alive and you're around
As long as there is you and there is me
But soon I'll be dead and floating
Out here on this sea

I wish that I was somewhere
Far from where I am
I wish that you would save me now
I wish you gave a damn
Don't you know I'm drowning here
I've got nowhere left to go
And I wish you felt I loved you
So much more than you'll ever know
And you were everything I wanted
The only one I'll miss
I've gotten over many things
But I'm never getting over this

The winds are raging now
And the water is so cold
I used to feel so young
But now I just feel old
And it's hard to keep my head up
No air for my lungs to hold
One last gasp for breath?
It'd be hopelessly too bold
Don't you know I'm dying now
The swell's gotten too strong
But at leastI die knowing
Loving you was never wrong

Something from long ago...

2006-04-03T22:26:00.000-07:00

I wrote this passage circa November 2003...

Standing there in the drizzling rain among masses of strangers,
I looked to my right and saw one pair of eyes that I recognized.
And I've heard people say that it's odd to recollect the past.
That it’s odd to relive the feelings and memories of yesteryear.
But as the rain began to fall a little faster, the memories came
flooding back, and at that moment none of it seemed like so long
ago. There were fireworks blasting above the castle of the magic
kingdom, and the music of "When You Wish Apon a Star" was playing.
The seconds seemed like hours. I could have stayed suspended in
that eternal slow-motion, locked in her eyes forever. I wanted
nothing more than to go to her and wrap my hands around her waist,
while standing behind her soft body. So close that I could smell
her damp hair and that she could feel my warm breath. I couldn't
take my eyes off of her, but at the same time I realized I had to
look away because I love her, and I promised I wouldn't. It was a
magical moment that I wanted to share with her more than anyone
else in the world. And when the crowd on the puddle filled Main
Street USAwas compelled over a loud speaker by the voice of Walt
Disney to make a wish, I only wished that she felt the same. 
It is moments like that I will never forget. It is moments like
those when I am eternally grateful that tears are hidden by
raindrops.












SIGH *DAMNIT*

ug....I don't even want to talk about it...

2006-03-30T05:03:00.000-08:00

Spring break was great...a long amount of time spent with many friends I've grown to love. Most importantly my pal Evan. He's just the best buddy a guy could have...except for maybe Rascal. I miss that kid. I need to go see him.

So I went to Orlando for a week of revelry and hard lined consumerism...and that is an ambiguous statement (money and alcohol...yeah)....definitely helped florida's economy last week. It could have been much more of a hit if I hadn't gotten into Disney for free. Thanks Kurt. I don't really know that I can sum up an entire week in one post. I mean that's a feat I've never before done. You saw how all the fun at six flags turned into an epic story(and that was just a 48 hour period of time)...I think perhaps this is a story best told in sidenotes. What do you think?

"Hell yes!" ...but first a people in attendence list....

1. Chris "Edward" Weed
2. Kelly "Leena" Lamb
3. Alfred "Nick" Hensley (yes, Alfred is not in quotes, "NICK" is)
4. Kelsey "Bessima" England (AKA - "okmattyou'vehadenough")
5. Bethany "Betsana" Minshew (pronounced 'buttsauna")
6. Kurt "PAPAFLORIDA" Stefanie
7. Katie "The Destroyer" Vining (I couldn't think of anything that really depicted Katie...and I figured that everyone at some point wants the nick "THE DESTROYER" --I mean that's just a cool nick name....another cool nickname could be "The Battleship")
8. MYSELF

Sidenotes:
1. Handle...Handle...drinking...Handle...drinking...wait other handles...RubberDucky, WalkingCrow, ICEMAN, Edward, Alfred, PAPAFLORIDA...if I've left any out feel free to let me know.
2. Kelly Lamb acquires the name "Leena"
3. "Ew Nick, that's gross."
4. 3 servings of lasagna....yeah I did it...but Nick helped.
5. Cooking with Weed...Edward Weed.
6. Grits, Coke, and Tylenol for breakfast.
7. New Sumurna
8. Seagul poo...on my bag...and waterbottle.
9. EVAN EVAN EVAN..."I don't think I want anymore" (me on friday)
10. broken belt buckle...shady flea market.
11. The pattented move of the "Minshew Mangler"
12. HELL YES!
13. HELL NO!
14. Nick and that big bowl of frosted flakes...every morning.
15. "I wanna sleep in the big bed"
16. buzz swimming
17. DISNEY FOR FREE!!!!
18. Space Mountain
19. Kickin it on Thursday with Edward.
20. Braves gaming.
21. Sun poisoning.
22. Wet butt blanket on the lawn.
23. Phillies...boo!
24. Go Astros.
25. BACKPACKER.
26. Hot tub?
27. Meeting Harry and Jennifer (the old couple in the hot tub who's names we didn't catch) and that whole conversation. Harry says, "bunch of kids just running around here drunk all the time it just beats all I tell you..do you know what I'm talking about?" and I say, "yes sir, I'm inebriated right now." Ok, so the rest of the conversation was a lot better.
28. Lent Beard.
29. Fighting super heroes on the beach.
30. I knocked Alfred in the water....he got soaked...and I was perfectly dry. Ten minutes later I'm running through the surf and just trip...and get soaked. Karma.
31. The captain?
32. I gave her the drink knowing she wouldn't have the stomach for it and she'd be sick the next morning. I did it on purpose. Because I'm mean. And because I knew she wouldn't turn it down. I hope it taught her a lesson of respect. It is not a party drink.
33. Beachuss!
34. Randomly adding the word "bitch" to songs...and it always making sense.
35. EXODUS TO ORLANDO.
36. runny poo.
37. "Preventative Measures." (immodium people)
38. CENTER CUT SIRLOIN STEAK 12oz. at the COLORADO steak house.
39. Subway's restroom.
40. We're gonna do this up Pontiac style.
41. Don't forget the Monty.
43. I SAID NO SALT, NO SALT...I don't think any of us had salt. Wastin away again...
44. the girls playing "strip poker" wait a minute...how come when a girl won, one of the guys had to take off clothing? we were just watching tv...not fair.
45. Against the Wind
46. "I smell pot." --"who's smoking pot in Disney world?" --- some girl was sitting on the grass during the fireworks display and all I could think was literally "get off the grass" cause she was using two forms of it...and both are not allowed at disney.
47. How about that Mission to Space ride Alfred?
48. The extreme Bessima challenge.
49. Minshew helped me with the sunscreen. Thanks man.
50. The people mover....and the idea of the old man appearing in the back of the cars and then disappearing after a dark tunnel, then reappearing after another dark tunnel.
51. You will fall in love, you'll be giddy, Cotton candy and lilacs will be in the air, but only if the mother of your lover is a virgo. If this advice does not work, eat lots of chocolate and go to the movies. --best 50 cents I ever wasted.
52. a handful of M&M's at a shady flea market.
53. Lego store.
54. The guy getting tackled by the police on Pleasure Island...they put their knees in the back of his head and cuffed his ass.
55. Parking?
56. No incriminating photos please.
57. "WOOOOOOO" -Kurt on every ride.
58. Nick and his new hat.
59. I shot mickey mouse the bird when no one was looking.
60. "Companion restroom" - still not sure what that was about.

Ok, if I've left out anything major I'm sorry. Feel free to leave a comment about it.

2006-03-30T04:36:00.000-08:00

Outstretched hands
Holding lyrics and pens
Crying out from foreign lands
The solitude of morning times
An open heart committing
Passionate crimes
While strumming strings
And lending love
To living things
There's a stillness now
As he forgets
where to put his fingers
On his frets
Simple warm
Cliched now too
Nothing good comes
Till afternoon
All the whiskey vows
And promised things
The crowd now bows
To peasant kings
Letters lost
And missing stamps
fumbling home
Toward dim lit lamps
In her eyes
He catches a glimpse
Something stone
And far too dense
dreaming of
Sad romance
He can't keep up
But can't back down
Writing songs
No one around
Harmonica sounds
Like somber rain
Beating against
The window pane
The sound of loss
And general remorse
And runner out
No cross-country course
Dismal sheets
of melting ice
Spring it comes
Once or twice
A year in which
The adjustor knows
His adjustment will change
As each new wind blows
Time goes on
In empty spells
Looking for
New Sumurna sea shells
With some friends he made
Quite long ago
Some longer than
Others though
A lost lamb
Who just grew up
scowling at his
Whiskey cup
Solitude welcomes sympathy
Reflecting back on
A long catastrophe
A shot here or a shot there
Ten shots later
He is unaware
He hurts others too

I haven't been this upset since Jared Dovers forcefed me ex-lax in 7th grade

2006-03-16T05:14:00.000-08:00

I mean I am violently ill. This whole Lasek surgery thing was a crock. If you ever have to choose...choose Lasik. I was told "in a month you'll be able to see the backside of a gnat on a telephone pole."----well, this really helps me RIGHT NOW DOESN'T IT?---I guess that's what I get for having surgery done behind a supermarket at a commie veternarian clinic where the doctors have large fingers and an affinity for rectal exams that begin through your eyelids. The doctor said "now these numbing drops will take two to four minutes to take effect" ----then imediately jabbed his bigass finger into my eye and said "Do you like this? Hurts doesn't it? This is what it will feel like if you rub your eye after your surgery and it won't stop hurting even when you sleep."---I have not rubbed my eyes...for a week. I mean who knew....I'm coming off two nights of hardly any sleep. I've done a ten page paper last night, and tonight I have to finish the last 12 of a 20 page paper, and the first five of a five page paper. GO ME. I wouldn't be in so much trouble if I could have seen the computer screen monday and tuesday. I mean it's an unbearable strain. I'm like three inches from the screen right now. It's like a tragic comedy written by William Shatner....narrated by the same. Bland. I have to think of something that isn't bland now....J. J is not bland. J is the newest conqueror of the forgotten world. A wise scholar once said that you "must respect Jack Daniels. Jack Daniels is not a party drink." I think she was also a muscian...singing songs in a voice I've never heard with lyrics I've never read. Is it any wonder I don't get the point? Some kind of ska-country-rap-georgia hip-hop with a trip and a loop going on, struttin with a fender strat callin me by name but my ear is unopen. A knife twisting slowly in the back of a scoundrel. This is how I expect it to be. This is what I believe I will hear when I open my ears. When I hear the songs of a voice I've never heard singing lyrics I've never read...sitting in a place I've never been...on a mattress with an egg-crate, fully clothed, freezing from the window open and a smashed lamp to the other side of the room. "This is real she said. And I'll never shake it off. I have to walk around with this." (maybe not exactly, but I think that's close). I don't plan on dying, but no one does ma'am. In Georgia I hear the sun can scorch you...and the grass gets so dry (kinda like mississsippi or alabama in the summer) you walk on it and it turns to dust and sticks to your sweaty feet. I've never been there recently(for a good laugh about my last trip to GA see the blogs from late July), kinda sounds like a personal level of hell to me. Of course then again, you don't believe in that so...how could that be for you? And I never said you were damned. These dreams are what are held for you. Back in Dixieland...don't lookaway. I'm sorry I don't know what you're going through. We haven't talked in a while. Funny how a couple of days can become a while...and a lot can happen in a couple of days...and more can happen in a while.

Hipsters are not this country's problem. They are the world's problem. I would be more detestful of them if at some points I didn't show some of their tendencies. Don't call me emo. I'm not emo. If you saw the music on my computer you'd realize these claims that I'm emo are erroneous. ERRONEOUS! I went to class the other morning. I'm a political science minor and I hate it but I finally found my calling in it. To make others feel stupid for opening their mouths every day. Everyday in class this slick like a candle wick and waxy faced UAH COLLEGE DEMOCRAT boy and his cohorts Bushwack for about 15 minutes of the class. The teacher allows it to happen, it takes up the time and the money paid for classes. I do not agree with it. While I certainly don't support everything that this administration has done I certainly don't think it's worth wasting class to discuss everything bad they've done REPEATEDLY. So I'm in class, where I never say a word. Haven't opened my mouth all semester. Well, that day I went to class on my perscription percocet. Mistake. So kid fuddyduddymothergrabber starts talkin about being a Democrat and how it's just awesome and blah blah blah...just like always...and as soon as he opens his mouth I make the most beautiful fart noise EVER with mine! The whole class turns to look at me....speechless...they move on...fuddyduddymothergrabberbabykiller starts to open his mouth again...and once again....the second most beautiful FART NOISE EVER flies from my mouth. The class turns to me again...and I say "I can do this all day." The teacher then said she wanted to see me after class. So afterward....I explain to her that I'm on percocet and that it won't happen again, and etc....cause well...professors have a way of doing damage to your college credits, etc....and I also told her that I was tired of them just bashing bush for 15 minutes of the class time I pay for...and that I'm not republican (not democrat either....one of those swing voter types) but that I'm just tired of hearing it every damn day... then she hands me a test....she said "this is the best and most coherent test I believe I've read all semester as far as style of writing and flow go. You write beautifully." So I open it up and she liked it so much she gave me a 77. Thanks lady.

My roommate tried to blugeon me to death with a saucepan last night...in a pure emotional fit. I'm not really sure what to think about it. Refer to an earlier post for my initial thoughts on what will happen if said incident or one like it occurs again.

This just in....

2006-03-16T05:08:00.000-08:00

I wrote a fantastic update...I mean it was a riot...the best in many many moons. And I went to hit publish...and UAH's internet screwed me over. I mean I was feverishly typing for like 20 minutes straight. Perhaps later I will try to recreate the magic, but it will never be the same to me.

I would die for you, but I won't let you kill me.

2006-03-16T04:05:00.000-08:00

If it came down to you and me, to the death....don't count on walking out of it kid. True your guns are young and you swing a crazy saucepan and crack elbows with it....but I'm a whole sight meaner than you kid. And mean can kill crazy, cause mean keeps its senses. So what happens now? I will not forget this bruise. I believe you are done. Any further action will force my hand.

Sidenotes:
1. Frustration
2. I could have burned him alive.
3. Haven't felt this sort of anger since John Gifford turned like a stuffed pig.

...

2006-03-08T09:37:00.000-08:00

I think back on yesterday
How simple then
Only black and white
No shades of gray
I look for some
Direction home
Can't find it now
Just doomed to roam
And life can deal
Some sticky hands
Sends some off
To foreign lands
And I was looking
For support
The world is my murderer
My dreams a cohort
And nothing here gives light
To the way
I'm wandering in night
There's paper
And there's ink and text
But where will I
Be going next
I don't know
And where did my
Convictions go
I'm just lost now
In apathy
And I see
I don't know me
Afterall...

I can't really say what I was thinking

2006-03-05T14:31:00.000-08:00

Sometimes this little blip on the internet gets ignored. I mean I don't have a life and all, but I still have to do other things like study for tests, write papers, watch tv, etc. --I been real busy.

SO, in taking more responsibility in the work place, Juanita has seen in her infinite wisdom that Kelsey and I should also partake in the interviewing of people for the Conference Assistant position this summer. This process was interesting for a couple of days, but after 7 hours of sitting in 30 minute interview sessions it's gotten a little boring. No one is wowing me anymore. Which leads me to believe that people that have the first interviews are better off because the interviewers are not fatigued from listening to people talk about their leadership skills in regard to every question asked. The worst thing is when people don't understand the question you've asked and you have to rephrase it...makes me feel like an idiot, and definitely makes them look like one too. Anyway, I'm bordering on being non-professional if I discuss this any further.

True, it's been awhile since the last update...so here are a few highlights.

- Rascal Pascal Goldwater, III is the new puppy in the Wilson household, he is a border collie and he's a biter. So don't come around unless you want to feel the pain.
- I've started a novel, but have yet to work on it much as I am still bothering with this whole school thing.
-I'm going to Orlando for Spring Break and I'm really excited about it.
-I will be cooking hot dogs for housing room sign up/bingo night the week after spring break.
-Scott NELSON Royce will be my assistant in the cooking of the dogs.
-Nick saved the laptop from almost certain ruin.
-I am opting to not run Alabama relays this year. I just dont' have the time.
-I am wearing my glasses for 3 more days...afterward I hope to never need glasses again.
-Mader and I just watched the movie "Falling Down" and it was great.
-My research paper on the Scottsboro Rape trials is due March 15th.
-I have a test in PSC 103 on Tuesday (should really get to studying for that)
-Lindsey Connell is a silly silly girl.
-John Gifford eats shit pies for breakfast every morning. I hope he dies and goes to hell. Fuck brotherhood...stupid frat boys.
-no letter from Clare in three months. Awesome...???? NO. I wonder if she's still alive.
-gave up sex, drugs, and rock-n-roll for Lent, Actually I mean carbinated beverages...I only drink water, milk, or juice (juicelike products).
-I hope they don't kill me Wednesday when the operate on my eyes...or blind me.

UAH Housing 7 -Delta Zeta 18....we got killed in intramural softball. I made a catch. I was the first person to bat in the entire game. I had not swung a bat in 3 years. I got a double. Go me. So the double and the catch/making an out in left field are the only contributions I made to the team. I feel I'll be better at softball when I don't have to play in my glasses. It will give me more ability to move without losing the power of sight.

Sidenotes on the softball endeavor:
1. Nick Hensley loves nonconstrictive pants, but wishes there were something to "keep it all together."
2. "Oh so do we have to shake hands with them now or can we just get right to the spitting on them?" -Alison "the Deuce" Wolfsberger (after the game)
3. I think the team should all have blue shirts with white writing that say "HOUSE"
4. "I'm sorry, I can't throw today"- Beth
5. "Oh crap I have to bat now? OH GOD!" - Ashley Campbell
6. Adam Wilson swings for the fences...and often gets them over.
7. Scott NELSON Royce puts them over the fence.
8. John Maxon M.I.A.
9. Megan Beattie...
10. Danielle Treadway with the right-center skillz.
11. Adam Wilson- MVP
12. Lauren Miller is my hero.
13. Kelsey "BESSIMA" England...gives me the advice of the cut off man.
14. Nick Hensley is the best short stop on record.
15. man, there's a lot of guys on that Delta Zeta team..."where's all the chicks?"... Oh wait, those are the chicks...ew. J/K...those girls are so pretty (well, most of them).
16.Christine Sargent provides transportation.
17. David Lazar...fan of the week.
18. Crystal "pinky" Phillips and the charge of the mound...well, she didn't, but someday one of us should charge that Lindley guy...
19. Speakin of Lindley, I thought he did an alright job pitching.
20. I forget what "20" is.

Well, I guess that's about all I have to say at the moment. If I've left anything out...I'm sure I'll post it some other time.

Hmmm...a Saturday morning turned to afternoon...

2006-02-11T10:06:00.000-08:00

OH my gosh...I have discovered myspace and I want to bang my head against the keyboard till I die. I can't get away from it. Like it's cool, just like facebook because you can find all these people that weren't your friends in high school so that you can add them to your "list of friends" that aren't really your friends now. But this is the same tired argument about these types of websites...here's what I think is ironic about them...

The websites are designed (with the assumed goal that you are trying to socialize) to get people connected and get people involved with each other, but really they are hindering the growth of a person. People are sitting infront of their computers for hours talking to people they'll most likely never see. And if they ever do see them it will still be an awkward...'I know you online' kind of thing but 'I don't know you in person' kind of a tragedy. Either way...instead of going out to meet new people...people stay in to meet new people. That's fucked up. Is this really personal growth? NO. But my hypocrisy knows no bounds. I mean it's really hypocrASSy. These websites are a wonderful AND....what's worse... enjoyable waste of time. I hate myself because of it.

I think CAKE should write a song about it.

yes...CAKE.

So Jared turned me on to this really awesome blog. I started reading it and I got sick to my stomach...IN A GOOD WAY. I mean this girl really knows what she's talking about, and she's really smart. J, I salute you. And I'm not being fecetious (FECEtious...for FACETIOUS)...I really thought it was amazing. I don't know how anyone like this girl would be interested in my frivolous dribble, but if you read this and appreciate it...thankyou. J, you are my hero of the day.

I'd leave the link to the blog but I don't know if it's a private ordeal. I wouldn't want her to get upset because I linked when she doesn't even know me. I just wanted to acknowledge the greatness...

So...I woke up to "The Sword in the Stone"--and I kept watching it. It took me back to a happier day..."before the problem of evil"...is that right Jared? More like back to when disney movies were awesome. I hate almost everything that disney puts out now. I can't tell if it's because I'm old or if the movies just suck...I'm leaning more towards the SUCK.

I went to Scottsboro yesterday. Almost the same old stuff going on there...just no Rufus. It was sad. Snickers is compensating for her loss by stealing my father's shoes. It's kind of sweet. He petted her a long time the other day and since then she just keeps stealing his work shoes, takingthem into her little doghouse and here's the funniest part...she doesn't chew on them. She just takes them in there and leaves them. It's like she can't be close to Dad so she takes his shoes cause they smell like him and make her feel good. OR...maybe she's just a dog and she's acting weird and I'm stupid for wasting my time thinking about it...but who knows really...

Ok...I guess that's enough of an update...sidenotes?

k.

1. I hate running in glasses.
2. I hate running in glasses in rain.
3. I hate running in glasses inside on an indoor track.
4. Did I mention I hate my glasses? Like not how they look...just wearing them. This lasik surgery had better pay off.
5. wrote a new song the other day...I'm only proud of one verse of it though...I'll post it after the side notes.
6. no baked pasta?
7. I didn't go to the Hockey game because in all truth I really don't like hockey. Never have. I enjoy the fights, but not the game itself. So for all you people at UAH who thought I liked hockey and going to hockey games...ha....it's time I was honest anyway. I just don't want to go to hockey games.
8. I need a shower.
9. "you can't adopt a terrier/beagle mix unless it's going to be an inside dog or unless you have a fenced in yard." -- why? --"because they're too small, they'll get hurt or run over" --I have two rat terriers that weigh 15 pounds, they've lived their entire lives outside and they're great.---"well, what about getting run over"---12 acre farm, quarter mile from main road--"well, you'll have to take it up with Dr. Garner"---just give me the dog---"no fence, no inside, no dog"--but--"No dog. Have a nice day"

---------you have to understand, these people were ridiculous. The puppy was already bigger than Snickers and it still has a ways to grow. Anyway, I think mom and dad are gonna figure out a way around it....such as BREAKING and ENTERING.

ok that's it folks

Your soul is cracked
My heart is broken
The sky's grown black
And the rain is soakin'
The earth
Just give me some sun
I need some light

R.I.P. Rufus...You were my star

2006-02-02T19:57:00.000-08:00

So today my puppy passed away. He was hit by a fed ex truck. I had him from Novemeber of 1997 to Februrary 2nd 2006...Poor Mr. Rufus. He lived a good life. Eating toenails of goats, killing rats, chasing Snickers, and just all in all being a wonderful loving pet. He will be sorely missed.
I remember when I first brought him home. He was so tiny. He was the runt of the litter and for some reason the name Rufus came to me. It was for him. No other name would have done him justice. Little Rat Terrier. Oh I loved that dog. I'm crying right now. I had several memorable moments with him. He always wanted to be petted, and he never once disobeyed. He was a good puppy. Almost died one time when his collar got tangled with his sister butterbean, but I was fortunate enough to save him then. This dog has been in my family since I was a freshman in highschool. I knew his time would come but I didn't think it would be from a fed ex truck. We live on a farm...I thought he'd die of old age. I just saw him Sunday, he was so lively so full of life...if only I'd known he'd be taken from me so soon, I'd have stayed and loved him a little more. What can I do now? My puppy is gone. He was my buddy. He'd go anywhere I wanted him to. And he never abandoned me. NEVER.

Oh my poor Rufus you were my star...you were my friend. I miss you so much.

Chocolate Cake makes a double appearance

2006-02-01T12:27:00.000-08:00

first when I eat it...then when I puke it...

So I had some chocolate cake last night...it was from Kelsey's mom. It was really good. I ate three pieces...all at once. Then I got real sick. And we won't talk about that.

Let's see. I stayed up till 3:40 doing my bulletin board and rounds/duty logging...dropped the pager off at 8am and went back to bed till 11. Got up and finished my book review for 490...then came to work.

I've been thinking about some things lately. I don't know what they are, they just keep popping in my head. Like where am I going to be in 30 years? I don't even know if I see myself living that long...I mean I can't really fathom being that old at this point in life. Is that weird? Yeah a little. I think some people weren't meant to get old. I don't think I'm one of them, I just don't see myself in 30 years. People that die young...it's tragic...but in a way glorious isn't it? I mean they don't tarnish. They're always in their prime. Is it better to go out in a blaze of glory or just fade away? I mean James Dean...beefed it in his sportscar---but he's a legend either way. What if he had gotten old like Brando...granted Brando is a legend too...but probably only because he could keep acting. If he had died young what would he be now? Regardless, I am just a flash in the pan.

The Exponent owes me money. I want it. Where's my check. 200 dollars please! FREAKING PAY UP OR I'M GONNA SHAKE YOU DOWN.

I'm gonna shake them down and share my chocolate cake with them...vomit in their face. You hear Joe Terrell? VOMIT on you.

Today I looked at Emily Pearl before her RA interview and said "They're going to grill you." I said it in a cold and callous manner. I hope it made her nervous.

So, Dovers does this...I thought I would too

2006-01-28T18:22:00.000-08:00

A Spring Semester Mix:

Moonshiner- Bob Dylan
Swallowed in the Sea- Coldplay
Judy- Ben Folds
Like A Rolling Stone- Bob Dylan
Battered Broken- Jude
It Ain't Me Babe- Bob Dylan
Add It Up- The Violent Femmes
You Go Your Way and I Go Mine- Bob Dylan
Haze of Love- Cake
Positively 4th Street- Dylan
Rock and Roll Ain't Noise Pollution- AC/DC
Simple Twist of Fate- Dylan
You're Gonna Miss Me- 13th Floor Elevators
So Much For the Afterglow- Everclear
I am a Rock- Simon and Garfunkle
Ruby Sees All- Cake
It's All Over Now Baby Blue- Dylan
She Ain't No Good For You- Cake
Call And Answer- Barenaked Ladies
Wandering- Ben Folds
Honkey Tonk Women- Rolling Stones
Take It Easy (Love Nothing)- Bright Eyes
You're the One for Me- The Sycamores
Tupelo Honey- Van Morrison
Ring of Fire- Johnny Cash
Your Cheatin' Heart- Hank Sr.
Wanted Dead or Alive- Bon Jovi
Wagon Wheel- Old Crow Medicine Show
Til Kingdom Come- Coldplay
Mr. Mastodon Farm- Cake
Who Loves the Sun- The Velvet Underground
One Angry Dwarf- Ben Folds
Jackson- Johnny Cash and June Carter-Cash
Since You've been Gone- Wierd Al
Home of the Blues- Johnny Cash
Get Rythm- Johnny Cash
Money Talk- AC/DC
Working Class Hero- John Lennon
Chicken McNuggets- Cake
Wigwam- Dylan

Wished He'd Watched Out...

2006-01-19T04:35:00.000-08:00

for a simple twist of fate.

Morning. Working the desk. Sitting. Pondering. Restless. Sleepy too.

So lately, I've been having fun running. It seems brand new to me. I have a long way to go to get where I want, but so far I'm really enjoying it. It isn't really kicking my ass like I thought it would. Classes are going okay. Not much to say there. There isn't really anything going on in them yet. But I'm keeping up with my reading and I feel important for doing so.

Had a decent workout yesterday. A 4 mile threshold from 5:50-5:55. I hit my times on all but one mile. 5:51, 5:53,5:59,5:55------> it was a good day. Although it did hurt a little and not in the way I expected it to hurt. I guess surprises are good.

Some surprises are bad.

I ordered a laptop, it's my first. I'm excited. It should be getting here in the next few days. Then my project can begin.

I just remembered that the other day Kelsey cooked this most awesome baked pasta. It was the best ever. I swear it was just like Mac Grill...but well...better. Oh the Bessima cooks like a storm rains.

Does anyone ever feel like the current day is the worst day of your life? I dunno why. I just do this morning. Like I just get the impression that today isn't going to be a good one. I know that's pessimistic, but I've just got this feeling. I don't know how I feel about that? I wonder if I'll have it tomorrow too.

TIRED.

Women are like soda caps
1 in 12 wins
But lately all I'm getting is
"Please play game again"

SIMPLE TWIST OF FATE (Bob Dylan)

They sat together in a park
As the evening sky grew dark
She looked at him and he felt a spark tingle to his bones
'Twas then he felt alone
And wished that he'd gone straight
And watched out for a simple twist of fate

They walked along by the old canal
A little confused I remember well
And stopped into a strange hotel
With neon burnin bright
He felt the heat of the night
Hit him like a freight train
Moving with a simple twist of fate

A saxophone someplace far off played
As she was walking by the arcade
As the light bust through the shade
Where he was waking up
She dropped a coin into the cup
Of a blind man at the gate
And forgot about a simple twist of fate

He woke up the room was bare
He didn't see her anywhere
He told himself he didn't care
Pushed the window open wide
Felt an emptiness inside
To which he could not relate
Brought on by a simple twist of fate

He hears the ticking of the clocks
And walks along with a parrot that talks
Hunts her down by the waterfront docks
Where the sailors all come in
Maybe she'll pick him out again
But how long must he wait
Once more for a simple twist of fate

People tell me it's a sin
To know and feel too much within
I still believe she was my twin
But I lost the ring
She was born in the spring
But I was born too late
Blame it on a simple twist of fate

YAY for a new year? It's time...

2006-01-08T13:12:00.000-08:00

for an update...

Andy Andrews shakes hands with Mr. Bob Dylan

A wise man once said, "You can't be wise and in love at the same time." I believe he was a musician...

This leads me to make some decisions.

If not for the courage of the fearless crew the minnow would be lost. Seek wisdom. I have a board of directors that makes all my decisions. You know it's scary, all my best thinking got me here. The same level of thinking is not likely to get me out. I have a decided heart. The purpose of analysis is to come to a conclusion. One cannot make right decisions all the time...but I choose to be a conqueror. I am a conqueror. "BURN THE BOATS!" Take the treasure or die. If we're going home, we're going home in their boats. Criticism hurts. Choose to be happy. Whiny people get less encouragement because no one wants to be around them. People don't hang out with depressing people. Is this why I don't have any friends? But wait, I am not one of those people...am I? Anger management is a crock. Anger resolution is the answer.

Forgiveness? People don't have to ask for it to get it. People don't have to deserve it to have it. Forgive and forget? NO! Forgiveness is about the past. Trust is about the future. Just because you forgive a liar doesn't mean you have to trust them again. I will persist without exception. So what's the next idea? What would you do next? I am a person of action. Sometimes my action is the choice of not acting. Juanita says not to carry potatoes, but I think I can manage to carry a few. But don't forget that every action or non-action matters. Everything you do has consequences.

SIDENOTES?
YES, it's been a while.

1. Don't make me kick your ass in these slippers. I will pull you out of that white mustang and beat you senseless right infront of your lady friend.
2. I gave up fast food, well, not completely...just not as often...haven't had it in a week.
3. I've lost 5 pounds.
4. Track is gonna kick my ass in the morning.
5. Beauty is perfected in nature. Beauty is perfected in you.
6. "UAH 3 Airforce 2---go navy!" -Kurt
7. She's coming back tomorrow.
8. I saw Munich. It was really good.
9. Bottlerocket on comedy central...good...yes...very.
10. Serenading Bessima and Bethany.
11. That's a good cherry limeaid...screw Sonic, I'm goin to Bessima.
12. If ever there was someone that the sun set and rose for...
13. Spring training...sucked...save for the food...except for the reception...man that sucked...5 pizza rolls? you're kidding?
14. Me: So what's practice gonna be like on monday?"
Coach: 7:30@Spragins 8 miles @ 5:45-6:00 pace.
Me: You're kidding?
Coach: why? Are you not ready?
Me: I can't do that.
Coach: Didn't you do any of the tempo runs I gave you?
Me: Yes, but they hurt like the Dickens.
Me: I might be able to do 4 miles at 5:45-6:00
The idea of running 8 miles that fast right now literally makes me sick to my stomach. Coach kinda forgot that instead of not running for um...a month...like the rest of the team, I haven't run in...NINE MONTHS...this is really going to hurt.
15. Beauregards with Mom and Dad.
16. Alfred and the incredible night of taxiing me around the campus. He was my driver.
17. It's all over now baby blue.

You must leave now
Take what you need
You think will last
But whatever you wish to keep
You had better grab it fast
Yonder stands your orphan
With his gun
Crying like a fire
In the sun
Look out the saints
Are coming through
And it's all over now
Baby blue

4:35 AM December 27th...

2005-12-27T02:35:00.000-08:00

I'm shaking.

I can't decide if it's because I have a lack of sleep, or if I know that in a few hours she'll be getting the flowers I sent her and she loves someone else....but is it really love?

Either way I want to vomit.

I'm working the desk. Everybody say "YAY" for the desk.

Christmas was good. It was a good day. Lots of joy and family, and then out to the Jazz Factory. Jared, Joe, Amanda Carlson, Leslie, and I all jumped in the Jeep and went to Huntsville. Little did I know I wouldn't return to Scottsboro and the bed until 3:40AM...GROSS. I've really got to get out of this no sleeping thing. It's starting to affect me again. I almost can't type right now.

I never know when to just say enough is enough, but I'm pretty sure there's going to be a reckoning soon. She'll go back to him, just like every girl goes back to her ex. Girls do that for some reason. It doesn't matter how great a new person treats them, or how shitty the old person treated them...they just go back....and I don't get it. Girls date assholes....and then they date them again...and again. Do you think he's going to change for you? He won't. He'll learn a couple of new tricks to keep you satisfied but at the end of the day...he's still the same dog. Keep this in mind...especially when the Xbox gets more attention than you...or you get treated like shit...stupid women. Girls are just stupid. I'm this close to being tired of bothering with them.

I literally am nauseated.

This really can't be good for me.

I've made too many mistakes.

New Year's Resolution #1- No more girls that treat me like shit...regardless of how hot they are.
New Year's Resolution #2- No more alcohol, period. No more. That's it. Nada.
New Year's Resolution #3- Stop spending money, just stop. I have everything I need. So I'm stopping now.
New Year's Resolution #4- Don't be such a desperate little bitch.
New Year's Resolution #5- Become an Asshole.
New Year's Resolution #6- Resolve to Resolve to not be an Asshole after a year of being an Asshole.
New Year's Resolution #7- Walk somewhere more important.
New Year's Resolution #8- Graduate and get the hell out of Dodge.

That's it.

Glass Sculpting

2005-12-24T04:33:00.000-08:00

And I said
"Look what I have created"
But she stopped me short
She said I was a fool
Now there's broken glass
And I'm barefoot
Backed into a corner
There's no way out
This is really going to hurt
And in this epiphany
I came to know love

I'm sorry I'm such a crappy friend

2005-12-23T01:40:00.000-08:00

I'll try and do better.

ooooo wow where was I?

2005-12-22T22:08:00.000-08:00

Alrighty, so it's Christmas break and I'm working the desk. For those of you that want to be PC it's "WINTER BREAK" but we're in freaking Alabama so you should be expecting to hear the first thing I said.

So that Pruitt kid got married and that was a blast. Gotta say it's always a lot of fun to be in a wedding and wear a tux all day long. ALWAYS.

But I like my keychain. I really do.

So I'm being pulled in about 4 directions for New Years...I'm about to just say screw it and sit at home with my parents. But we all know I won't do that...

This is the first crazy desk shift I've worked in a while. I mean I'm gonna be here from now until 6am...what's there to do? NOTHING. Who's there to talk to? No one. Do I wanna fight? No, not really. Leslie Gray is coming to Scottsboro tomorrow and I'm excited about it. I saw her in May but I feel like I haven't seen her in 17 years.

Last night I had a good time hanging out with Jared, Joe, and Michelle (Vorce...Y'all)-- THe evening started off with Me and Joe meeting up at Southern Family Markets (formely foodworld) and buying the beers. Jared (who had just driven in from Dallas) went with his mom to eat at Buena Vista...so Joe and I had to think of a way to kill time. We decide to go and eat at McDonalds. As we're leaving the parkinglot this semi-truck nails this little white car. Joe was trying to avoid the accident scene, so he drove through a couple of parking rows...the cops were there and and they didn't even have the lights flashing on top of their cars. One of them stopped Joe and got onto him for driving through the parking lot randomly...Joe was just trying to avoid the accident but hot damn...the cop stopped him anyway and got on him. He let us go but as we were rolling away and Joe was rolling up his window I said "Dick" really loud. ..which could have been a bad thing, but I don't think anyone heard me. So me and Joe proceeded to McDonalds and got our food. I sat down in a booth and didn't notice the toenail on the table. Joe pointed it out and flipped it away with a napkin...at this point I looked down on the floor and noticed a large pile of finger/toenail clippings...GROSS...who freaking cuts their finger/toenails in McDonalds...I mean that's horribly messed up. Anyway Joe and I proceeded with conversation. The idea of Dovers hooking up with Amanda Carlson while he was in town came into play. I vetoed it as Dovers legal council I advised against it as she is too much like his sister for him to even consider dating in any form or fashion. I mean shit. Later on Jared agreed. Anyway, we had a few drinks and talked for a few hours. Then I came home and left Malissa a voicemail which said "Bird...BUR---DUH...BIRD!" I think it freaked her out or something...because she called and woke me up at 8AM.

Tonight was the Wilson side Christmas party...and I've never been more annoyed with a bunch of kids in my life. It was at my parents house but all these babies/toddlers/preschoolers are around now and screaming and running around...getting into all kinds of ridiculous stuff. I mean by the end of it I was just ready to freaking shoot myself. I'm never having children. I'll adopt a preteen or something....just skip that whole infancy/toddler/youngin BS. Anyway...I got this 20 questions game thing in Dirty Santa...I was pleased. I was also #1 which meant I got to go first and last. That's the first time that's ever happened...and most likely will be the last. So, at 10 PM I jumped in the jeep and drove on up to Huntsville to work my hiney off at the desk. No excitement here....

Sidenotes:

1. Found a deer on the front part of the property. It was a doe...had a hole in it's chest about the side of my fist. It was pretty gross. All bloated in the sun...I wanted to poke it with a stick but I decided it was too cold to bother with it so I went back inside.
2. if you pick up a 2 year old...by his ankles and shake him...yogurt comes out.
3. "Nick it's not my fault your sister keeps dropping him on his head"
4. Hey Bessima!
5. I'm still keeping an eye on Kelly's van...but for some reason I really don't think it's going anywhere. Right now it's covered in frost.
6. 5 hours and 35 minutes to go.
7. Not sleeping tonight.
8. that thing couldn't guess that I was thinking of a waffle iron, or of a paperclip, but somehow it guessed right on the raccoon, the ceiling, and cartoons.
9. I wonder if I'll see anyone else tonight besides T-zim.
10. A spoonful weighs a ton.

TAKE IT EASY (Love Nothing) -Bright Eyes

First with your hands
Then with your mouth
Downpour of sweat
Damp Cotton Clouds
I was a fool, you were my friend
We made it happen
You took off your clothes
Left on the light
You stood there so brave
You used to be shy
Each feature improved
Each movement refined
And eyes like the showroom
Now they're spreading out the blankets on the beach
That weatherman's a liar he said it'd be raining
But it's clear and blue as far as I can see

Left of the lamp right next to the bed
On a cartoon cat pad she scratched with a pen
"Everything's just as it's always been
This never happened
Now don't take it bad it's nothing you did
Just once something dies
You can't make it live
You're a beautiful boy
A sweet little kid
But I am a woman"
So I laid back down and wrapped myself up in the sheet
And I must have looked like a ghost cause something frightened me
And since then I'm so good at Vanishing

Now I do as I please and I lie through my teeth
Someone might get hurt but it won't be me
She'll probably feel cheap
But I'll just feel free and a little bit empty
No it isn't so hard to get close to me
They'll be no arguments
We'll always agree
And I'll try to be kind when I ask you to leave
We'll both take it easy
But if you stay too long inside my memory
I'll trap you in a song tied to a melody
And I'll keep you there so you can't bother me

So you want an update well you know...

2005-12-17T19:53:00.000-08:00

we all want to change the world

BUT YOU KNOW IT'S GONNA BE

ALRIGHT...

Desperately all of you wish for an update and suddenly all in the same day. Well fine. I'll give you an update. Hell...I don't know what for though, anyone who really knows me knows what's going on in my life at the moment.

I've fallen for this girl and she wants nothing to do with me in that respect, but mixed signals lead me to believe otherwise. I've decided that I don't care anymore. And that I'm not going out of my way to be nice to her either. She comes over all the time and messes up my living room making pancakes and whatever else...and her freaking hair is everywhere. She never sleeps in her room, she lies to me, and she believes it's okay...but you know what it doesn't matter. Today I told her I was going to pursue other options. I told her that because I guess that's what I have to do. I've asked her 40 different times to be my girlfriend and she just doesn't seem to want to come up with the right answer.

Do I have any other options at this point? No. No I don't but I don't really care. It's been a very stressful semester and I'm just rather sick of everything at this point. And the next time she calls...I'm not answering...because she calls at 3AM or 6AM...and that shit is just not cool. Anyway....moving on...

Finals were a horrid experience as usual. I don't really care to discuss them...so I'm not going to.

If there were a phrase for December other than "Happy Holidays" I think it'd be "DAMN, people get out of my way"--people are everywhere and in such a damned hurry. It makes me sick. I mean since when did living life become such a bullshit hassle? I've been so busy lately I haven't been able to enjoy much of anything. I still don't know what to get my father for christmas.

Justin Pruitt got married today. Last night we (the groomsmen) all went out on the town. It was the most mobile I've been around Huntsville in a while. What began at the Jazz Factory went to Molly Till's, then the Kaffe Klatche, then Bobby G's...I was the most sober person at the end of the night...because pretty much I was sober. I had had some whiskey and an alabama slammer at the beginning of the night, but it was gone by about 1:30 or so...so much fun.

Anyway, the wedding was downtown at the First United Methodist Church (huntsville) and the wedding planner was some kinda nazi super bitch. Andrew Hodges kept trying to get me to say things about having "whiskey pockets" in our coats, and "hitting the bottle"--and I did. But I just thought it was funny cause Andrew's always trying to get someone else to say something to get them in trouble. I didn't get in trouble. But the crazy wedding planner nazi would tell us one thing and then expect us to do another and it was just ridiculous. I mean who wants to be accosted for following the directions they were given? I didn't. And neither did Mark, Sean, or Mader...but they said I was "the leader of the ushers" and it made me feel important for a small amount of time. Like I deserve to feel important or something.

GEEZ...

Saw a lot of people today. Stood a long time. Was in the wedding...drank a lot...of grapejuice...rejoiced in the joining of two hearts for all eternity...felt the pain of a love lost at another time, and was rejected by the one hope I did have....now I'm dejected and in my room waiting on my laundry to finish. All in all, I'd say it's been a pretty good day...or not. But I was happy for Justin and Brooke and I think they'll make an excellent couple and I wish them all the happiness and luck in the world.

Someone said the most ridiculous thing to me the other day

2005-11-29T10:20:00.000-08:00

"You're a hopeless romantic and you thrive on the pain it causes you"

WTF?

I really don't enjoy any bit of any pain.

So...I got done with Clare's audio letter today. Sent it off. I feel bad that I missed her birthday but then again, she wasn't precisely on time with mine either. EH.

THE EH, is for you Courtney. Cause...um...that's totally you EH. (english major?)

So, I went out drinking for the third night in a row the other day. It was great fun. Went to the jazz factory, played pool with high school pals...and got stinking drunk. YES, stinking drunk. It was really bad. My tab was 52 something and all of it almost was hard liquor.

the receipt ( I didn't read it till the next day actually) said:
4 Evan Williams
5 Southern Comfort
1 Guinness draft
2 Jagermeister

Did I feel hungover...no. Did I still feel drunk? YES. But I didn't really drink all that. Two or three of those were drinks for other people. Anyway, it was great fun...the first time I've ever really gone drinking with the highschool crowd. I mean really drinking...Jared and I went to the docks this past summer but that wasn't any big deal.

People in attendence:
Jared George Dovers
Brandon Cole Mader
Karsten Lowe
Blake Johnson
Joseph Victor Ybarra
Josh Edmonson

GOOD TIMES.

Um, sorry for talking about all that Alfred and Bessima. I know you are disappointed. But that's just too bad. And no, I don't have a problem. So you can deal.

What up Lamb?

No deep or meaningful thoughts today. Sorry people.

Sidenotes?
No thankyou. Perhaps another day.

man all this talk about soap on a rope

2005-11-23T07:38:00.000-08:00

I say what about life on a string? Here we are just dangling....kicking and screaming and gasping for air. Life on a string. A string attached to a horse in an old western movie...a string dragging us across the desert...here I am painting a town red and calling it HELL. Where is passion? Where is fire? Where the hell are the little things that get overlooked in a common day by the common man? Where's at? What? Whadduyah wanna do? Whadduyah wanna do?

I saw a movie last night. But that isn't the point. The point is this crazy girl wanted to walk home from Carmike to Campus. It was 11:15 PM and 33 degrees outside and she wants to walk. Won't get in the jeep. Won't listen to Brandon Mader. Won't listen to me. She has no jacket. She has no belief that what she's about to do is dangerous at any time of the day. She's about to attempt to walk 5 miles without thinking about the consequences. Mader finally got her in the jeep. I on the other hand am quite uncomfortable in the situation. And I wished to be out of it. We got back and Mader and I went to Krystals. He drove. I was drinking. Hell, I don't know why. I just needed to forget the realness of that stupid situation...I think perhaps drinking to escape reality is drinking for the wrong reason. I'm taking some time off from it for a while now. I'm really wanting to focus more on my music. I wonder if it could take me anywhere. I just feel like I'm on the verge of something. I don't know what, but maybe something new to me. Maybe something old and boring to others. Suddenly I have a new found appreciation for the rustic. For the old...what has stood for so long. I'm going home today. I'm gonna take some pictures of some places. A lot of people want to forget these places because of the connotations they have with the past. These people are the ignorant and refuse to see the beauty in realizing mistakes. "Why do you want to bring that up?" That's the question I always get when I try to bring it up. I have found that too many don't want to talk about it. No one wants to deal.

Really, I don't want to talk about it either.

Where am I going? Where have I been. I am always finding a new place in an old place, and always old places in new places. How ridiculously odd to make that statement. If you're really smart maybe you'll pick up on what I mean. If you're not, then it will be lost on you.

Who's incharge here anyway? I'm certainly not. I have no control whatsoever. What am I doing about that? Nothing. I just let go of the wheel. I have no power to change anything. I think we all know that no one on this earth has the power to do truly control their lives.

There's this girl that I know who lives up the road. She's got all these feelings inside that just want to explode. And there's another down the street that I'd kind of like to meet. She's got spirit and heart and is a little odd but sweet. I'm fortunate to say that things have worked out nicely but not as nicely as I anticipated or hoped for. What do I really have to complain about? Nothing. What do you have to complain about? I want to hear. It's Wednesday morning and I'm trying to find a way. It's Wednesday morning and I'm coming home today. Tomorrow is a Thursday but that doesn't change a Wednesday. Doesn't change a cat that's suposed to be Mr. Saturday Night. You won't pick up on that. That's one that will only make sense to me, and possibly one other who shall go un-named.

Right now you're down in Bahama town
And I'm at a desk with no one around
Things are going well
Things are going well
I don't need anyone around
I had too much to drink last night
And I woke up this morning
Not feeling too right
Something tells me today is wrong
I've got that girl underneath my skin
And that lovesick feeling is sinking in
Today I'm going back to my hometown
And it's said that life's a bitch then you die
I keep thinking that someday if I try
I might spread my wings and fly
Cause she's been seeing someone else
And I've been keeping to myself
And I keep thinking this time
It will all work out right
I pulled into the drive today
I was looking for a reason to stay
But I just backed up and drove away
An empty house is no reason to stick around
I live life dangling on a string
And I lose myself over every little thing
I guess getting hurt is part of growing old

jamming to whitesnake...

2005-11-18T06:34:00.000-08:00

Here I go again on my own...jugga juh juh
Goin down the only road I've ever known...

GAH! I hope you all enjoyed the guitar riff I put in there. So I think I pissed her off and I'm kinda sad about it.

Here I am working the desk at 8am. Like usual I feel like crap, and I don't want to be here. But I say that every time I post when I'm working.

I'm still waiting for a reason to smile today. SOMEONE, anyone please give me one. Called Leslie last night. She didn't answer. I wonder if she got blown away in a hurricane. So I've got duty this weekend....take the pager tonight and I hold it until Sunday at 5pm. It looks to be a promising duty weekend. There's an iron bowl goin on, and for once I have food to eat since I can't leave the building.

Last weekend I wrote a 25 page paper. I thought it was going to kill me. It was due on monday and I got it done around 5AM monday morning. Went to kinkos to get it printed and finally collapsed in bed around 6. Went to class to turn it in and discovered much to my horrid and terrible surprise that the instructor (on the day the paper is due) decides he doesn't want them till a week later. WHAT THE HECK MAN? I was so ticked. Anyway...I shot him. I shot him right in the face. Now I'm an outlaw and I'm on the run. Deal.

Yesterday the bessima slept in my room. Alfred, you were with a man. I saw you. Einstein cannot help you now. I digress...

So Kelly Lamb (this is just a conjecture....C....is for conjecture)......(W...... is for what about that guy?)--wow was that a little obvious? I KEED. I miss you Lamb. I haven't seen you in like two days. What are you up to? Really. I've got some duty this weekend. If you also have some duty this weekend we should hang out a little. DOODY...DUTY....DOODIE? Boo-boo.

Maybe it's time for some sidenotes:
1. She never came, she never even called.
2. I've really got to quit smoking.
3. I twisted my ankle...I have super ankles, unlike Nick Hensley who can hurt his ankles while wearing timberlands.
4. Yoda Ben?
5. His name is Carvalho--C-A-R-V-A-L-H-O...
6. this song's about training...
7. Bessima in my bed.
8. Britknee Lonergan is my beloved. I'm all you got.
9. Ben waits on Robert Orso.
10. I told them I wasn't drinking...but guess what....
11. Who is that? Wow she looks good.
12. Tell me what to do now.
13. Here's a box of Krispy Kreme.
14. Leslie Gray where'd you go?
15. It's cold enough to make yellow snow cones outside.
16. I was never good at peeing my name in the snow. I blame this on the fact that it never snows here so I don't get much practice.
17. I want to step on someone's throat with the heel of my boot.
18. "....is the kind of girl that is like the little sore in your mouth that would heal if you could just quit tonguing it."

Nothing says I love you like

2005-11-04T06:09:00.000-08:00

TWO DUTY NIGHTS IN A ROW...

And it's not even my birthday. Ah, so many things a happenin in this place. Actually as usual it's 8AM friday morning and I'm working the desk and I'm bored as hell. I've only been here like 5 minutes and I'm already blogging. SHIT.

So I've been hanging out with a delightful young lady. We had a nice chat last night about just letting it be whatever. And I'm fine with whatever as long as whatever is whatever and whatever is something other than nothing. Does that make sense? I don't know. Reminds me of some lyrics to a song I can't remember from a time I decided to forget. But I enjoy her and that's a good thing I guess. Sometimes it's bad to enjoy people too much. I think I enjoy her just the right amount at the moment.

Ah, let's see...the HALLOWEENIE ROAST went well. I grilled hotdogs as Aquaman. I think the turnout was really good. I only ended up having to throw away something like 4 hotdogs and that ain't too shabby. Of course it took a whole lot of trouble to get the grill over to the building. I had to borrow Ben's grinder and cut the chain cause the stupid NCRH 0 staff lost the key to the lock. Here's what's better, taking the grill back over there the FREAKING WHEEL fell off and I had to get Ben to come and help me carry it the rest of the way.

Brian came and spent the night saturday evening. Pretty much we just talked and he played video games. I went to bed around 3 after the clock had been turned back to 2 (so it was like going to bed at 4) but I got a page at 5:30, and then another at 9:30....after that I just gave up on sleeping. Sunday Brad and Mandy came over and hung out with me all afternoon. Then we went and saw "A History of Violence." It was a little graphic...to say the least.

Let's see, Halloween? Eh. I wasn't feeling so great. Infact, I was damn sick. I've been damn sick for like 4 days now and I'm really effing tired of it. The major bummer is that I've felt like singing/writing some stuff on the guitar but my voice has been shot to hell. And then it came back and I played and sang for a little while and then it left again. So now I'm just letting it rest until this stupid cough decides to go away.

For those of y'all that wear fanny packs:
I have learned some new songs. 1) To Make You Feel My Love(Garth) 2) Mr. Brightside(The Killers) 3) All These Things That I've Done (The Killers) 4) Til Kingdom Come(Coldplay) 5) Hold MY <> Hand (Hootie and the Blowfish)

So this morning I woke up and buffened the guns. Then I came to work. Not anything really thrilling going on here.

I'm so tired of cough drops. I just want to not feel icky.

Positively 4th Street- Bob Dylan

You've got a lot of nerve
to say you are my friend
When I was down
You just stood there grinning

You've got a lot of nerve
To say you've got a helping hand to lend
You just want to
Be on the side that's winning

You say I let you down
You know it's not like that
If you're so hurt
Why then don't you show it?

You say you lost your faith
But that's not where it's at
You had no faith to lose
And you know it

I know the reason
That you talk behind my back
I used to be among
The crowd you're in with

Do you take me for such a fool
To think that I'd make contact
With someone who tries to hide
What it don't know to begin with

You see me on the street
You always act surprised
You say "how are you?" "Good luck"
But you don't mean it

When you know as well as me
You'd rather see me paralyzed
Why don't you just come out once
And scream it

No I do not feel that good
When I see the heartbreaks you embrace
If I were a master thief
Perhaps I'd rob them

And now I know you're dissatisfied
With your position and your place
Don't you understand
It's not my problem

I wish that for just one time
You could stand inside my shoes
And just for that one moment
I could be you

Yes I wish that for just one time
You could stand inside my shoes
You'd know what a drag it is
To see you

FUCK IT...let's do a top 8 bottom four for old time's sake...

2005-11-02T00:47:00.000-08:00

Top 8
8. Brian's visit saturday night
7. A HISTORY OF VIOLENCE
6. That girl and the kissing
5. Aquaman at the Halloweenie Roast
4. In a perfect world...
3. Fall
2. That old feeling again
1. Floor Wars

Bottom 4
4. Reality to contrast the perfect world
3. Everytime there's kissing invovled there's a chance you're gonna get hurt. Guess it was my turn to get hurt...again. Just like always.
2. SORE FUCKING THROAT
1. Programming

So...I take that back...

2005-10-19T18:27:00.000-07:00

A few posts ago I mentioned someone named Sarah. She's erased from the records again...because apparently no matter what, she's never going to be upfront with me. EVER. Never has been for that matter. Don't know what I was thinking...should have never got up and walked across the cafeteria. I shoulda knowed. But then again when you're 13 who does know?

So it's Wednesday night which means I've got the pager. Lots of fun there. I expected Kristie to come and hang out this afternoon. "She never came. She never even called." -Cake

It took me half an hour to thoroughly walk this entire building. I could have not done it and it would have been the same result. I didn't find anything wrong. No one was misbehaving, NOTHING. I'm so bored.

I need to get out of this place.

Sidenotes:
1. "I've been through the desert on a horse with no name it felt good to be out of the rain"
2. Aquaman
3. I wish I spoke another language.
4. Two down, the rest of my life to go.
5. I can't believe she just didn't show up.
6. Didn't call or anything.
7. Depressing facebook messages.
8. Why the hell would I be blocked on AIM? I didn't do anything to deserve that.
9. Sick of this stupid internet cutting in and out.
10. EFF YOU if you disagree with me.
11. Don't Fear the Reaper
12. Come 9:30, I'm doing round 2 and then I'm hitting the sack. There's no reason to be awake. I'm not missing anything.
13. Canoeing this saturday.
14. I feel like I'm stuck in a timewarp listing to BTO "you ain't seen nothing yet"
15. "she looked at me with big brown eyes and said 'you ain't seen nothin yet'"
16. I wrote a song all about her.
17. I'll never play it for anyone.
18. Christopher Walken is your father...and also the Continental.
19. If I were a high ranking military official I wouldn't want to be a General (I think it's funny that the highest ranked are called "general" as in average).
20. When I see a kitten my first instinct is to stomp. Joy Griffith can deal with that.
21. "A long long time ago I can still remember how that music used to make me smile..."
22. I want to change my facebook pic to a picture of me flipping everyone off.
23. FED UP.
24. 10 miles.
25. why not start smoking? What's there to lose?
26. "I'm only a man looking for a dream"
27. Someone save me.
28. I'm tired of going to others...someone come to me.
29. "There's only so much I can give without return."
30. SHUT THE F*** UP.

GAH!

What a crazy weekend

2005-10-17T14:05:00.000-07:00

Friday night Nick and Kelsey kidnapped me and made me go to the hockey game with them and Kelly. It was pretty cool. They busted out the glass at the end of the rink I was sitting on twice. The Pikes threw a fish on the ice. I got to sit by Christine "Baby SHAKER" Sargent...I even got to see Amanda Parkinson...and to TOP IT OFF...UAH won 5-0. After the game we all ate at the Olive Garden. I had the never ending pasta bowl. Spaghetti and meatballs...it was yummy. Shot of Jack was good too...yup. Went and saw Laura, talked until two...went back to le Deux.

Saturday morning I got up and went to Decatur. Since it was close to lunchtime...like 10:50. I stopped at McDonalds and ordered lunch. "Sir are you ordering breakfast or lunch?" andI say "lunch" and they say, "we serve breakfast till 11 on weekends." MY RESPONSE: "WTF? I guess I'll see y'all later then." I went to Krystals for lunch. Pulled up to Brad's about the time of kickoff, but before I can get to the door these two pugs start barking and running at me. I just stood there. Stupid pugs. "China" and "Buddah" are their names. I went inside. Brad and his friends were already drinking. So I drank from noon till about 6...just steady buzzin. Somewhere in there Mallorie called me...and it was great. Then I sobered up and drove back to Huntsville. The lovely Alison Wolfsberger picked me up and took me to the Hockey game. It was a lot of fun and UAH won...again. On the way back, Ben Thomasin gave me a ride. We went to Wendy's and Britney and Brock were behind us. I jumped out of the car and acted like I was slinking toward them. They just thought I was weird. Ben and I drove back to the building to hang out with AJ afterward...but before we got there we helped a poor girl change her flat tire.

Sunday I slept in till 1. Then went to Beauregard's for my sunday afternoon lunch. It is ritual to do so now. Then I proceeded to watch television all the rest of the day. It was great. A weekend with absolutely no schoolwork whatsoever.

Sidenotes:

1. Ben Folds on NOV. 13th!
2. Ben "Tire Changin" Thomason
3. Aquaman on Smallville this week.
4. James Edward Guthrie has a blackberry...so stop spaming him.
5. Hot Jack Daniels at Olive Garden.
6. "We're gonna run it up the gut and kick" -Brad Wilson
7. USC vs. Notredame...what a bust.
8. "The battle is won with all these things that I've done."
9. HAPPY BIRTHDAY NICK "ALFRED" HENSLEY
10. Kurt goes crazy and loses his voice...after 10 minutes of continuous shouting at referees.
11. Motts Pennies
12. "I used to date a guy named Cliff Logue" -Lindsay talking to Malissa about Malissa's boyfriend.
13. You know what they say in Starkville about Ole Miss? "FUCK OLE MISS"
14. Tide rolls at 11.
15. I got the fish on me.
16. "we talked until two and then she said it's time for bed"
17. "I'm trying to wreck and hear the auburn game." Alison as she messes with the radio while driving us blindly down University.
18. "Pull your head out." -Kurt
19. Football in the middle of the street during half-time of the USC/Notredame game...it's kinda difficult to throw the football left handed...add to it that I was slightly inebriated...anyway I hope the neighbors weren't pissed that I hit their mailbox.
20. There's just something about you LLC...can't quite put my finger on it...don't question it, just know it's really real.
21. Watched "Meet Joe Black"
22. Joe Ybarra...loss for words.
23. Jared, bring your blog back!
24. Nick, I'm taking the Bessima for mine own. DEAL.
25. Albert Einstein action figure.
26. BEEBO. I will not be a victim.
27. Cody Buntain had a shocker foam hand.
28. Christine Sargent likes the shocker.
29. Telephones work both ways.

Well I don't know why I came here tonight
I got the feelin that somethin ain't right
I'm so scared that I'll fall out my chair
And I'm wonderin how I'll get down those stairs
Clowns to the left of me jokers to the right
Here I am stuck in the middle with you

No Title

2005-10-13T20:24:00.000-07:00

and it's a shame...I hope you can find it. I hope it can be real for you. It's not supposed to be complicated and never would have been. I love you. And here I go with my part. My pathetic whining part. And we get back in the car and leave. We drive to wherever silent. You are all I've wanted since the moment I felt your hands. Someday I hope you realize the same. And that's what I wanted to talk about. That why I wanted to see you imediately wherever you were last friday because I had a stirring in me to just look at you and tell you...and now I'm shutting up but not before I say it again. I love you.

ok, more on the day

2005-10-11T13:39:00.000-07:00

So I got rid of my Fender guitar today. I got an Alvarez Cutaway acoustic/electric RD20SC...oh yeah...I'm really excited about it because it's a much better guitar. I will be playing many hours and much more than I used to play on that cwappy FENDER. Yeah, it sucks...the Fender sucks.

I love the Fret Shop.

I had to keep my Fender case though, and that's ok...cause it works...just like any other case.

Nick and Kelsey came to eat lunch with me. They had quiznos...I had PB&J...and some chips. We were also joined by Kristie Long...and it was nice to meet her. Perhaps meeting her again is in order...who knows?

Anyway, life keeps living. Hope everyone's had a great day.

Yup

2005-10-11T12:55:00.000-07:00

So, once again, working the desk with a little time on my hands. I've sorted the mail and done all that cool stuff...ya know...but now I'm bored...well, not bored. But I don't have anything to do. Well, I have this reaction paper I'm supposed to write but I don't think I want to start it at the desk because well, the desk has a way of being distracting. I got an awesome email from Amy yesterday and that made me happy. I'm ok with it all now...well, I was okay before, but I was still sad about it. I'm not at the moment...and these are good things.

I'm looking forward to staff meeting this evening. Asa is going to order us pizza.

I've had an interesting day...more to come later...I've just been given an assignment.

I need a shower

2005-10-06T14:18:00.000-07:00

This morning I got up and drove to the Boro for a dentist appointment. I got a cavity filled without the anesthetic...pain ain't no thing. I said to the doc, "Give it to me straight. I need a reality check." I do not regret it at all. Sometimes I like to push it...today I did. And I feel better for it.

ToMader- I want you to hit me as hard as you can.

working the desk...the internet has been a pain in the ass today. It's fall break and everyone is gone. I believe Alfred and Bessima are also gone to Atlanta...SUCKlanta. Yeah I said it. I rate it as one of the most non-matt accepted places on the non-matt accepted list. But I digress...call me 'Duke'

It's gloomy outside.

I've taken to playing harmonica and guitar at the same time. It makes me feel special...but I need some harmonicas in different keys. I'm so sick of playing in C. I mean I feel like I could just explode with all this new sound if I had the means to do so. I just need some more Hamonicas.

I wonder what Jared is doing. I really do. Jared George Dovers...where is your blog? It has disappeared.

Eh...I went and saw Juanita today. That was a lot of fun. Everybody loves Mama Juan.

Mallorie is in town...but I ain't seen hide nor hair of her yet...probably won't...

THE SHIT HAS HIT THE FAN.

Ali W....yup.

Sidenotes...yes, I believe it's time.

Sidenotes:
1. I went 95 past a state trooper today...i have no ticket to show for it.
2. I was however incarcerated.
3. And if I ever see her again I feel it will be too soon.
4. Rock Me like a south bound train...HEY...
5. UAH Football- STILL UNDEFEATED
6. You give to me phone rectify situation.
7. "You're gonna make me give myself a good talkin to." -B. Dylan
8. Joe Ybarra where have you gone?
9. CALL ME AL- PAUL SIMON
10. This poking is a little out of control.
11. Thirty more minutes of not checkin IDs...then it's on...and I'm gonna bust some ass.
12. Nick Hensley eats beeb...I saw him in a corner with a spoon and a can of sardines.
13. "We got 200 dollars we wanna rock all night!" -The Boss
14. The Depression that only Fall can bring
15. Take it back.
16. Canoe trip on the 22nd...can't wait.
17. Thiago is spelled T-H-I-A-G-O, not Thaigo...like some info sheets around campus would have you believe.
18. Watched "The Longest Yard" with Ben Thomason
19. Albino said you can deal.
20. Mader claims no relation to the Brawny Paper Towel man, or MR. CLEAN...however Mr. T is his hero...and he DO...pity the fool.

Yes there are two paths you can go by
But in the long run
There's still time to change
The road you're on

October weddings are draggin me down

2005-10-02T11:20:00.000-07:00

And I hardly have anything to say

So I'm working the front desk and I'm wishing I wasn't here...how many posts do I start with that line? I don't know...probably a lot. I'm going to probably go into a random stream of consciousness on this one...it's going to get a little crazy, so read at your own risk.

In some small way I have found my way back to Sarah...and it is good. It feels like I haven't talked to her in forever but that when I do, we don't skip a beat and it's as if we never stopped talking...I think...I could be wrong on that one. There's just some people you know, and if you haven't talked to them in a while...you still know them. I'm happy about it.

I had a date last night with a very nice young woman. She kept me entertained and I had a lot of fun. I had a steak for dinner and then we went and played putt-putt. After a thrilling round of not keeping score (I did get one hole in one)--we came back to the building. I was sad that it ended so soon but she had to pick her friend up from work at 9:45. Oh well, I had a lot of fun and I think she did too. Perhaps a second date is in order? I dunno though, I had a lot of trouble getting her to go on this one...maybe now that she's seen the awesomeness of me she won't hesitate to go on a second one...or maybe it'll be the other way around. I was so lame she can't wait to get away from me...one never knows.

I'm having a problem though, I keep thinking about this other girl. I don't know if she's interested in me at all but I think she's amazing, and I wouldn't mind giving it a shot. But I can see that it could/might get to be a larger committment. I am not afraid of that, I never have been. There are some things that just seem right...and one does know about that.

Anyway, uh....last night Alfred, Bessima, and I went to Sonic. I used the last of my sonic card that Mallorie gave me. I'm kinda sad about her coming to Huntsville and not at least callin me and sayin hey. Yeah, that makes me a little sad. I don't know if I made her uncomfortable or what...I just don't know...But she could have at least called. I guess maybe we're not as good of friends as I thought. And that breaks my heart...no really, it does...seriously. I cried about it last night.

Sidenotes?
YES...DO IT.

1. Fire Alarm just went off.
2. Amanda Parkinson....whoah.
3. Ali W. (that was for you Alfred)
4. Oh the wonderment of a chocolate shake.
5. Train conversations are passing me by and I ain't got nothing to say.
6. "And so she walked out of our lives forever." -Doc Holiday
7. 7oz Steak sure ain't very filling.
8. I got a hole in one...I wasn't even trying.
9. Leslie Gray phone call till 3AM...gosh I was tired.
10. Mallorie...I'm disappointed.
11. Brandon Mader fears a tennis ball in the hand of Hew Tyler.
12. Thiago Carvalho is a man of few words...he lets his stern jawline do the talking.
13. his jawline says "you shoulda knowed"
14. Ali W.???
15. Adam Wilson is not the Pope.
16. Aquaman.
17. Brandon York is the XC bandit.
18. Wish I coulda gone to Tuscaloosa this weekend.
19. Ali W. wanted me to go to Auburn with her...it was so tempting.
20. Jeep is coming out with new vehicles. I like the Patriot.
21. I'm sick as hell of getting up to open the front door. I'm propping it.
22. 9 more minutes at the desk.
23. I pass.
24. I am definitely sad that Prothro broke his leg.
25. Brad Wilson is now a lawyer.
26. I'm going to get a Honda Rebel. DEAL.
27. Here's my vow to you I'll stay away.
28. October Wedding it's got me down.
29. Kelsey England rocks like a boat on a stormy sea.
30. Joe Ybarra is the man of the hour.

I'm writing a song all about you
A true song as real as my tears
But you've no need to fear it
Cause no one will hear it
Sad songs and waltzes
Aren't selling this year

I'll tell all about how you cheated
I'd like for the whole world to hear
I'd like to get even with you
Cause you're leaving
But sad songs and waltzes
Aren't selling this year

Many days have passed...and not much has happened

2005-09-29T11:19:00.000-07:00

Um...Livin it up in Le Deux...

So many people went to that BIG SPRING JAM thing...but I figured it'd be a waste of time and money...I think I was right. The Bessima wanted me to go with her to see Jars of Clay...I say Jars of SUCK...didn't go. UM....Alfred upgraded my computer and even gave me this sweet monitor since my monitor from 1995 was no longer able to handle the power of the PC...so sad. I loved that monitor. I get to move this weekend and I'm excited about that I think. I mean I'm not excited about having to move all my stuff for the 13th time since I started college, but I am excited about a new larger room. Mader did a happy dance when he saw how big his room is.

"My Bicycle will have it's own room." -B.C. Mader

Kinda sad...the coke machine was out of Dr. Pepper--Sure wish it wasn't. OH well. I needed a coke classic anyway.

Laura came over and hung out last night while I was on duty. It was good to see her again and all...but I guess some things never change.

Ben and I changed Britney's facebook pic...but she worked the desk from 2-4am and she found out...BEN is in the process of changing it back right now.

I guess I could go into a lot of boring and lame crap about the sucky side of life but I don't think I'm gonna go there today. I'm just not in the mood....I can't be bothered with it.

Sidenotes?
yes please.

1. If you don't love me now, you will never love me again.
2. new screen name "hewtyler" is FLIPPIN SWEET
3. I drive a dodge stratus...no wait, A JEEP GRAND CHEROKEE.
4. Kelly Lamb is mean, but I love her.
5. Christine "Baby Shaker" Sargent
6. NCRH le Deux #139 is where it's at.
7. Aquaman for Halloween.
8. Bessima!
9. ALFRED.
10. Nick "The Bear" Hensley
11. Kurt "the vomitter" Stefanie
12. KEY STAMPIN
13. Twister 9PM NCRH II LOUNGE
14. Franz the potato animal can be found on MAXINE (the NCRH le Deux front desk)
15. Everybody in the club "Joe Terrell"
16. Sam Campbell says "I like John" and I say, "John is a little bit lame"
17. yay for new friends.
18. Ben Balser is your father.
19. Britney Lonergan loves Ben Burns.
20. I'm sick of the "*insert whatever here* Truck" on facebook.
21. Mr. A. Davila could easily be Wyatt Erp
22. YOU CALLED DOWN THE THUNDER WELL YOU GOT IT.
23. Coach HurriCain
24. I hate natural disasters.

OH the fun and joy of Birthday

2005-09-08T11:22:00.000-07:00

I have to say that was probably the best birthday ever...I mean I got a surprise party and everything. I've never had one of those before...infact I haven't had a birthday celebration...since I was like 11 or something. It's been a long time.

-Danielle sent me an awesome video saying "happy birthday Matt"
-I got a gazillion messages on facebook...I was very pleased.
-ALFRED and Bessima got me a Spiderman T-shirt and it FLIPPIN ROCKS.
-Alison and Crystal called me and left me voice messages --but I Think they called the wrong number because it's wrong on the RA roster. I mean they called my permanent room....and I'm in a TEMP room. But oh well, I'll get the messages in a couple of weeks...maybe.
-Mader told me Happy Birthday and gave me a hug. What a sweet child.
-Shea Kelly bustin up in my room and givin me the time...I mean, giving me a hug.
-Reah Lee tackling me in the bookstore, "it's your birthday isn't it!" and then a terrific leap...splendid.

I've got a few complaints about my birthday though---and here they are...

-Stephanie Mangrum...I love you...wish you had wished me happy birthday.
-Laura Chambers...heard through her roommate telling me...."She says happy birthday." --hey that's cool, at least she remembered? OR did she. I dunno. Doesn't matter. Anyway, in a sarcastic tone I said, "Tell her HE says 'thanks'"--I hate middlemen.
-Even though I was okay with it...duty was kinda boring on my birthday...you'd think someone would at least have done something small for me to write an IRF about...GAH.

I guess that's it for now.

Heard a song today

2005-09-01T19:48:00.000-07:00

I heard this Coldplay song today...felt relevant to me.

Til Kingdom Come

One... two...
Still my heart... and hold my tongue
I feel my time... my time has come
Let me in... unlock the door
I never felt this way before

And the wheels just keep on turning
The drummer begins to drum
I don't know which way I'm going
I don't know which way I've come

Hold my head... inside your hands
I need someone... who understands
I need someone... someone who hears
For you I've waited all these years

For you I'd wait... 'Til Kingdom Come
Until my day... my day is done
and say you'll come... and set me freej
ust say you'll wait... you'll wait for me

In your tears... and in your blood
In your fire... and in your flood
I hear you laugh... I heard you sing
I wouldn't change a single thing

And the wheels just keep on turning
The drummers begin to drum
I don't know which way I'm going
I don't know what I've become

For you I'd wait... 'Til kingdom come
Until my days... my days are done
Say you'll come... and set me free
Just say you'll wait... you'll wait for me

Just say you'll wait... you'll wait for me
Just say you'll wait... you'll wait for me

Anyway, I worked the desk today...that's about it. I miss the feeling that everything is alright...it's a shame I don't know it is.

Sidenotes:
1. Letters are often best left unsent
2. Talked with Laura
3. "Is this the place we used to run? Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?"
4. Bessima where are you?
5. Alfred take your hands off her.
6. I hear RETHA is coming to town.
7. Of all the people I've ever met...she stands out the most.
8. I'm sorry I'm not all I was cracked up to be.
9. The Magic-8 Ball told me I'd get another chance. Then I asked it if it was lying and it said, "yes definitely"--I wonder if the blue water is going to stain the carpet.
10. I am not worthwhile.

And the award for the biggest FOOL in the world goes to...

2005-08-30T23:50:00.000-07:00

(the envelope please).....

ME...

*total look of shock and dismay on my face*...no really.

So I sent a letter today. An invitation...to this girl I care much for. I dropped the letter in the mailbox. Turned around...went to my room. Got on the facebook and realized what a fool I am. Got back up to go to get the letter back...GONE...WHO KNEW THE MAIL WOULD BE ON TIME...for once....I am a fool and... In about 2 days, she'll know too.

*SIGH*

In about two days...she'll know too. Damn, don't you just feel like an ass. Yes, yes I do. Am I not supposed to have what I want? It serves me right I guess. I drag my feet around...always stumbling over things that don't matter, because I don't want to be that guy. That guy that interupts a relationship...because I've been on the other side of that too many times (once is too many)...no one can really understand what I'm saying right now. I am the only one that knows the real truth to this story.

To feel so much and have no way to let it out...to hold it in...I am damned. I actually said in my letter, "damned if I do...damned if I don't"--I guess it's true. How FUCKING ironic.

After writing all this...I'll wish I hadn't...but I'm going to leave it up. How should I feel? TELL ME what I should do? I am at the end of my rope here.

Am I doomed to always feel too much for those who care not...for those who have no idea that I care...for those that just can't appreciate me...or haven't realized they should?

It is infuriating.

"God it's so painful something that so close is still so far out of reach." -Tom Petty

I'm about to turn 23...yay.

No one even reads this stupid thing.

SO FAR...

2005-08-27T07:28:00.000-07:00

This has got to be about the worst day ever...

I went to bed at 2AM last night. I was awakened by a page at 7AM. 203's Shower was leaking/stopped-up/overflowing all over the room. So this being a new building I went to NCRH uno to get a sink plunger for NCRH le deux...I get there and there is no sink plunger to be found...So I have to go to CCRH to get one. I do that, but then the drain isn't clogged anymore. So I go to NCRH uno to get a wet-vac to suck up all the DAMNED water. I carry it over to Le DEUX...and go up to vacuum up the water...on the way up I'm informed that 119's A/C is out. *SIGH*---I asked the roommates of 2o3 if they knew anything about why the shower was full of sand/mud/nasty (which is why it was clogged)--both of them said they thought it was the other one. I hate when things don't add up. So neither one of them know what the heck happened and I'm supposed to suck up all this water. By now I'm pretty steamed. Not at the guys in 203...they're cool...just the situation....and the fact that it took till 9AM to get it resolved because I had to do so much running around to get what I needed to fix it. Anyway, I got it taken care of...and I hope it doesn't happen again...and I'm still curious about what happened to get it that nasty in there. I then went and took care of the A/C in 119...well, I couldn't fix it, but I had it called in to be fixed after I "assessed the situation." ---GAH. All of this before 9AM. Britney owes me so much for taking her stupid duty so she could do her sorority stuff...I mean I better at least get a hug or something...perhaps a cake? lol...ok, it doesn't matter.

Other things adding to the morning from hell...
1. Dude dumpster diving at NCRH uno...sucks I saw him...sucks I had to let Kelly know and call the police.
2. Thinking steadily on things that shouldn't matter now...things like Laura...because her roommate was asking me questions. Damn me for being so helpful. I kinda started talking to the girl about what I thought about how it ended...and I shouldn't have. But I don't discuss that with anyone really...except Mallorie. I still struggle for understanding...and I know it isn't my fault...but I do blame that other guy for constantly being a dividing force between the girl and I. He never had any respect for the relationship...and that is something I can not respect about him.
3. DAMMIT...it's only 9:45...

----BALALALAHHAAALLLAAAA BAMBA

"it gets me real pissed off and it makes me wanna say..."

(a farse)
The other night...Bessima and I went on a date whilst the evil ALFRED worked the desk. Point that finger somewhere else mister. Bessima and I went to Krystals, and then we watched Aqua Teen Hunger FORCE...and poor mr. ALFRED worked the desk. He would never understand the love Bessima and I share. Then after BBQ fest she came over and we embraced each other's sweat soaked bodies. Deal, ALFRED...DEAL. We wanted to go run through the sprinklers...but it was too late...the evil finger of Alfred was nearing...so we had to hide our love away again. Someday Alfred will be gone and Bessima and I will jump rope, hold hands, hug, and watch Aqua Teen in peace. DEAL ALFRED.

hahahahahahahaha (oh how I wish it all were true)

Sidenotes:
1. Water in the Wet-VAC...smells like BEEBO...but not fresh BEEBO...OLD...STALE...NAST...ROTTEN BEEB.
2. I'm thinking seriously of going back to bed.
3. This RA cwap is the same ol stuff just different job title from this summer.
4. I'm in love with your mom and she thinks I'm a star.
5. I wrote three songs the other day...wanna hear them?
6. "If you gots the poison I gots the remedy."
7. I miss home.
8. I got my aquarium back...oh how I missed the fishes...
9. October weddings...are draggin me down.
10. Clare moved to Oregon...I fear I will never see her again.
11.I is for idiot.
12. Shouts to Sam.
13. "These train conversations are passin me by, and I don't have nothin to say. You get what you pay for but I just have no intention of living this way. I need a phone call."
14. I need a drink...whiskey would do...maybe...guess that'll have to wait.
15. I want to be Bob Dylan.
16. I need a haircut.
17. Alfred needs a haircut.
18. The next time someone makes me remotely mad, I'm going to let them know.
19. I have the power!
20. Asa De HUTT
21. Balalalalahahhhaaalllaaaa BAMBA!
22. DEAL.
23. GET.
24. YOUR MOM.
25. "where have you gone Joe DiMaggio? Our nation turns it's lonely eyes to you."
26. Brandon York is my new hero.
27. Ben Thomason is my new friend.
28. WOW...that's a lot of sidenotes.

It's tearin me apart
every-every day
na na na na na na na na na na na
na na na na na na na na na na na

So many days...

2005-08-13T17:24:00.000-07:00

So few opportunities to write....

So I've been in the wonderful world of "Rowdy Town" for RA training this entire week. For the most part it's "blah blah blah, don't be an idiot and you'll be okay." ---Ok, I'm only kidding. I could write for 17 years and I would not even come close to describing how much fun and how much information I have been having/taking in this week. I've met some incredible people and made many new friends already. I'm so glad I have this opportunity and that this door has been opened in my life.

Now...on with the funny...

A few things this week have been pretty funny. Everyone is so great to just cut up and have fun...so many things that are funny get overlooked in the midst of all the craziness. Whether it's John Maxon saying "eff the rules," or Thiago simply stating, "Man you SHOULDA KNOWED...YOU SHOULDA KNOWED."--- Something like "1-2-3-4-5-MY NAME'S Britney and I say HI-6-7-8-9-10 back it up and meet my friend..." and multiply that little cheer by 6 and you get LE DEUX. "LE DEUX LE DEUX...L-E- SPACE - D-E-U-X- LE DEUX LE DEUX"--as we affectionately refer to our new building NORTH CAMPUS RESIDENCE HALL TWO...is Chateau Le Deux. Once we hosted dinner and taped everyone together and made them do a "duty round challenge"--it was SICK fun.

I hear Juanita says she isn't going to pay John Gifford for this last week of work. Infact I think I heard her say that she's going to give Daylon a 2 dollar/hour raise--and that she can afford doing so because she isn't paying John.

Mallorie came and visited Tuesday. She got her staples out too. It was so great to see her. I've missed her so so so so so so much. Yeah. She's the best.

Yesterday we went to the WILSON lumber homestead at SMITH LAKE (different Wilsons...not my family yo)--for the RA RETREAT. We were greated by many different types of bugs...as well as a wonderful festering time in the heat. And we all cried and got closer. Yeah, that's right we all cried and got closer despite the adversity of the heat. I skipped many rocks on the lake. So many that my arm is sore from it. But I have a new personal record for rock skipping...8 skips on one throw....I mean come on...that's pretty dang good. Kelsey, Scott, Rebecca, and I trekked back up the perilous hill from the lake...I just wish I hadn't only brought flip flops...that's really my only regret. I missed out on so much fun because I couldn't run/play football, etc. without actual shoes.

The beat goes on.

SIDENOTES:

1. The Asa Challenge was a bad idea. Thanks for the hole in the wall of the BRAND NEW building Jeremy and Reggie. You guys are awesome. Thankyou for taking the fall Ben.
2. 4 groups of 5 RAs with their hands taped together wandering around in the duty round challenge.
3. Awesome concert for a few of the girls on the retreat....mostly originals...yeah you know it.
4. We should come up with a game for training called the "Tynan Challenge"--I don't know what all that would entail...but I bet it'd be pretty dang cool.
5. Kelly Lamb rolls over (we all slept outside on a wooden deck) in her sleep and says to me two things...then does something really funny...check it out:

"What are you gonna do with that?" said at approx. : 3:45AM
"Have you seen my popple?" said at approx. : 4:05AM

then at 5:05AM she rolls over and puts her head on my shoulder and just goes "mmmmmhhhmmmm" -how cute.

6. "f the rules"
7. "Well, I pay the bill." - R.B.
8. "I can bench 300LBS." -J.K.
9. Bessima almost stepped on a copperhead. I ain't never seen no cherokee native do a dance like that one. It was a kinda hop/jump/shriek--brought tear drops to my eyes.
10. The burning finger of Alfred Nick "you gonna eat that I'm a scavenger" Hensley---pointed right at my face...oh the burn I felt.
11. Bessima and I held hands...eat that finger.
12. Brandon York and Mark Ullom helping clean the new building...thanks guys, y'all are awesome.
13. Ashley Campbell and I doing Karioke to Ben Folds songs..."You can't fool me I saw you when you came out..."
14. Rebecca Lane Hobby Blount gave me three servings of Lasagna...and I was like..."wow, I can't believe I ate the whole thing."--only except I didn't.
15. Haven't had a coke/soda since July 20th...oh how I don't miss it at all.
16. What's goin on Reah Lee? Where'd ya go?
17. Yes, they made me sing "Man I feel like a Woman" at Karioke...and I loved every minute of it.
18. Le Deux!

The word on the street was bullet...

2005-08-05T05:31:00.000-07:00

but the only thing that comedian...I mean magician caught with his teeth was a "lethal projectile" what? Oh, I mean it was a paintball. NO EFFING WAY...you cannot catch a paintball in your teeth...it would have burst.

So I went to the magic show with Nick, Kelsey, that Erin Smith girl, Thiago, Ashley Plier, Stephanie, John, Ted D. Ray, (and some other fellows that came with John). It was very entertaining, but a word to the wise. If you ever go to a magic show, don't try to figure it out. Just take it for what it is, otherwise you're disappointed because you realize the lameness of it all.

I don't want to be.

So, I am working the desk again. I'm seriously thinking of taking up my soul again. It's a mont blanc monogramed pen. No matter how much I write I never get it all out. I wish I had a mont blanc monogramed pen. I'll just have to settle for my pilot precise V5 rolling ball. It's crazy but it gets the job done.

So, um the other night I made a trip to Hatton, AL with Alfred and Bessima to get Bessima's cousin. Well, not get..."kidnap" ---Her name is Erin and she's a fun girl...I think. Maybe. She's gotta be, "She's of the Bessima lineage." Anyway, we didn't get back till 2AM, and Kelsey ended up forgetting her purse in Erin's room. Way to go captain forgetful. I played guitar for Alfred, Bessima, and Erin after the magic show...but I didn't really play any of my songs. Mostly just covers. And bad covers at that. I mean it was the suckiest suckfest I've played in a very long long time...at least the amount of time since I last picked up the guitar.

So, John Ellis Gifford III experienced Hulk-like anger when he found out about his check yesterday. But he took it well considering...I mean he didn't bust through any walls or anything, hell, I don't even know if he broke anything. But he could bust through walls...I'm telling you that boy is strong like oxen. And I mean OXEN as in plural, cause just one ox wouldn't do in describing the strength of JEG III.

You give to me weed eater, rectify situation.

Time for some side notes

Side Notes:
- Erin: It really smells bad in this hallway.
Everyone Else: Oh man, this isn't even a bad day. Sometimes it's so nasty in this hall you can't even breathe.
-I was asked a few very direct questions in the car:
"So Matt, do you drink?"
"You ever smoked pot?"
"Do you do drugs?"
"Are you a christian?"
"Are there any significant ladies in your life at the moment?"

My answers:
"yeah, all the time. No, not a whole lot. "
"Never. I pass on grass."
"I maintain a strict drug-free policy."
"I'm Catholic. Does that count?"
"there are many significant ladies in my life. Are any of them more than a friend? No.
But there is always my mama."

- "So you can drink and everything and be cool with God?"
-I think I seen you in here before.
-"Wah wah wah...I bought an unessessary 350 dollar purchase but I'm complaining about 50 bucks" at least that's what I heard last night. Girls...gah.
-Stinky wants Dirty's number. Dirty obliged Stinky with the number.
-Jungle of Mold in 304...WOW.
-I bet Kelly Lamb is excited about Penguin March!
-I saw Leslie Gray on MTV, and on CNN. Congrats on being on Jackass and Larry King Live in the same NIGHT!
-I broke down and sent an email.
-Alfred steps on kittens.
-Mader cant live without waffles.
-Bessima is still burnt.
-I'll kill you. -Nick Hensley
-Erin, no...don't go out in the sun!
-'I shoulda knowed.'

you don't know
how you move me
deconstruct me
and consume me
I'm all used up
I'm out of luck
I am star struck
Something in your eyes
that is keeping my hope alive
sick of myself when I look at you
something is beautiful and true
world that took me in the blind
it's hard to even want to try
I'm beginning to think
maybe you don't know

I'll take a leap and
leave room to be you
choice to leave you
or I'll throw away
A chance at greatness
Just to make this
dream come into play
I don't know if I'll find a way
something in your eyes
that is keeping my hope alive
sick of myself when I look at you
something is beautiful and true
world that took me in the blind
it's hard to even want to try
and I'm beginning to think
maybe you don't know

I'm beginning to think
maybe you don't know

-Matthew Sweet (Sick of Myself)

Give me a reason to go one more mile
I've got a million behind me already
You give purpose to this fire
You make this dying ember burn